Why?

Why does everything inside of me fight improvement? It's so exhausting. I want desperately to be a better more motivated person that flows his dreams but my mind just won't leave me alone! Sometimes I think it's that I'm really trying to improve too many things at once but if I try to just focus on just one or two things for right now BAM! I'm instantly ruminating on all the things that I'm letting slide even a little. I'm bored yet not bored. I mean, I can think of lots of interesting things I'd like to do, new places I'd like to go, even old haunts I'd like to revisit, things I'd like to study. But the knowledge that I can never do all of these things fills me with a weird crippling despair. I'm growing somewhat tired of life itself if it wasn't for what it would do to my family especially my two nieces I'm not sure I would choose to go on.

You may have Depression. Talk to your doctor and get a refferal to see a Therapist. No one can do every thing. Thinking you can is unrealistic. You are being to critical and hard on yourself.

Be kind to yourself

Are you on any medications? I ask because some of them can rob you of the motivation to do anything worthwhile or productive.

I am taking an 2 anti-depressants, mood stabilizer, sleeping pill, anti-psychotic, and a couple more. I have noticed over the years that my motivation has dropped to nearly zero. It's not so much as I'm fighting improvement as it is I just don't have the slightest urge to do so anymore. My medications have made me fat, lazy, and uncaring. I wish I could just stop taking them, but that doesn't work for me either.

Anyway, read up on your meds you might be surprised what all they do to you.

No I've not been on meds for awhile now. I took 20 mg Citalopram for awhile but I'm not on anything now. I'm Just feel so empty all the time, I make myself go run in the evening after it cools off but before I even get back home the "High" has worn off I have to fight with myself constantly at work because all I really want to do is play on my phone or stare at the wall. I don't even want to watch TV. I Feel like all the good times are behind me, there's nothing left to look forward to anymore.

Relax, get some wine and chill!

Hang on in there, there are good times possible. Have you considered there might be a link with STOPPING the Citalopram, some people need longer for their brain to get used to working better before stopping. Maybe speak to your doc? Just thoughts ...

So many feels! Sometimes I have so many ideas it paralyzes me, like I don't know what to focus on, what's best. Same thing happens when I'm overwhelmed by fear. Sometimes I just flat out don't want to do anything. I think in part that comes from the mundane part of day to day existence... and that part of life just sux. I find action - any action - particularly towards a new goal, is exciting and begets more action. Pick one of those interesting things you want to do and start! Maybe take a class about something you're interested in studying. That has the added benefit of being around new people with similar interest. Kudos for regular exercising too - keep that up!!

I feel the same way. I'm on 5 different medications. That might be reason for not wanting to do anything or I'm just lazy (like most people think, like my husband).