Why wont they treat the depression?

I saw the neuro doc, she's a keeper. I can tell she is truly concerned. I expressed some of my thoughts, shared with her how I felt I wasn't being helped. She gave me a report for today's visit and it indicated that I was clinically depressed. She said she thought it was bipolar disorder. She also suggested that I seek a new pdoc. I told her I was tired of changing doc and it didn't matter because I felt none of them could help me anyway. I told her I felt it was just a matter of time before I lost it all. I think she heard me, she upped one med and added a new med for the depression. She explained that perhaps the current pdoc withdrew the welbutrin because of seizure like symptoms and that in it's self is a whole different delima. I cried, yes as I always do. especially when I open up and tell what I am really feeling. Sad, tho, I can't say everything because somethings I say prompt immediate inpatient and I notice that they all tell me that when I am about to lose it. So, I held my breath and prayed not to pass out. It worked and as a prize I got a headache from hell.

Still, she heard me, she gave good advice and changed meds hoping for a positive response. I guess that's all I can ask for...right?

I haven't made up my mind about finding a new pdoc, maybe I should. I am tired of dealing with them. I guess if I was swinging from a light-pole, dancing in the street naked or standing on the cliff of a tall building they would take interest. I'm sick, I'll admitt it, but I don't feel the need to do tricks or over exagerate my illness. It's as plain as the nose on my face....I need help.

I've been holding on as long as I could because of daughters big event this weekend. What am I to do with myself after? How do I get through the next few months ahead of me? How do I get through the anniversary of what put me in this state in the first place? How do I?

I put myself into the hospital when I was having such deeply depressive thoughts. Is this an option for you?

I have been comtemplating going in to the hospital for a long time. I'm afraid to, I'm in fear of losing my job, I'm in fear of the medical bills to follow, I'm afraid of my the effect it will have on my daughter, husband. I'm afraid it says I am a loser. I'm just as afraid not to. These thoughts haunt me. I can see myself going in and telling them "this is it". I'm tired of the way people look at me, the way the shake their heads. They're not aware that tho the lips don't move, the body language speaks volumns as well as the eyes.

Doc office called to set up appt with new psych, said they could not do it because there were questions that only I could answer. I got an idea of what those questions are. I'm not going to call until next week. I don't wish to be hauled from my home again, yes, I may need to be admitted, but no, I don't want to be taken away like a criminal or against my will.

Thank you all so very much for being so supportive. It so appreciated. I feel some comfort in knowing I am not alone, that I have a place to vent. Much l and to you all.

They can't haul you from your home unless you're a danger to yourself or others.

There's also no way your doctor could have discussed your case with your family. Your family can see the same things your doctor can see. You might think you're hiding things from your family, but people are never as good at hiding their problems as they think they are!

Yea, I think you're right...but I'm puzzled, if they see I am in pain why not do something? Why must my last resolution be death? Why wait til I'm beyond reach to try and catch me?

I don't know but I would guess they don't know what to do.

but I do...