Is this the only way to change?

I am in a very terrible mood these two days, so, I guess that is why I am writing many posts aimlessly and without any real benefit. But who knows if something will happen.

I read many self-help books (obviously, to no avail) to improve myself, socially and in every aspect of life. The premise of the books is that you need to change yourself for your reality to change. I think this is true to a large extent, and I have been telling others this.

But sometimes I feel inner change is almost impossible. Like in my case, after spending many years alone, while trying to change and failing every single time, I think if nothing is changed in my life, it is almost impossible going to change. I need (may be a tiny) positive change in my reality to trigger major changes in my inner life. Am I delusional in this and running after a mirage?

I also appreciate if you write something you relate with what I wrote.

I can relate. I have read so many self help books and spiritual books I can't count them.

I have found that life is a WE game. It is true that change has to come from within but without the help of each other and doing it on our own, just doesn't work.

Change from withing has to come from our own inner work as well as our work with the outside world. It is both.

I too read numerous self help books and biographical memoirs. Some even helped but none of it stuck. In hindsite now however, after taking therapy that mirrored some of these self-help books, I realize my personal problem was that I devoured the books in one or two days and expected change. I did all the work at once instead of incrementally over time. The next time I pick up a book like that I will take my time. But that is just me, my personal experience, my ideas of why it didn't work for me.

So too I have in the past had an almost combative experience with self-help. I wasn't ready for it and in the wrong headspace. Instead of challenging myself I demanded instant success and change. WHen that didn't happen I realize now I blamed the books as useless instead of looking at myself, my refusal to challenge my core negative beliefs, and refused to do the work.

I agree, but the question is how to begin the change process. I feel I am stuck because I am trying to change myself first. I've tried so many times, and every time it makes me feel worse that I need more will power next time to try. I am more successful in other aspects of life than in my social life, and most of that came from my diligence and persistence. But socially, it is not working!! and it is affecting all aspects of my life in a negative way.

I don't think the books are wrong in essence. Actually, when you read the books, you feel that you intuitively knew what they are talking about. They just affirm it in clear language.

The problem is if you tried and it didn't work. Someone would say keep trying (and you said change doesn't occur instantaneously, true), as the books keep saying, but without a slight change in the results, it is difficult to maintain the willingness to change. Of course if you are successful now in this, you would say keep trying. It is easy to look at things positively in retrospect when you succeeded. But it is not easy while you are still struggling.

Real time one on one therapy and group therapy are better than books. Books can be tricky and many are published just to make money and promote.

I tried therapy once for several sessions, and it was an awful experience. That is why I resorted to books, as I can pick what could work for me, without being in someone's presence who seems so cold and robotic about my feelings and challenges.

Don't expect too much and make sure you reward yourself for any positive changes. You need to acknowledge every single accomplishment no matter how small. Baby steps lead to larger steps. I would also suggest keeping a journal or diary. Good luck.