[littleowl2006]

Ok so there obviously is something to learn from every situation and people say especially from the bad ones I have to learn what needs to change. In my head it all makes sense.
But I feel that I have some reluctance in me to just change things. I feel like there could be someone jumping out from a hiding spot saying "You think you can just change and do better? Don't be ridiculous. You have been like that and you can't change because you are incapable."
It's a feeling I always had. Whenever I think about letting something go or changing my patterns, I become afraid of that creature telling me I am not good enough or don't have the right to fool the world into thinking I wasn't completely rotten on the inside.

Anyone's thoughts would be great. It's the first time I have been able to put this into words, I guess my therapy IS working in spite of all the doubts I have.

[Trippin2.0]

Well it really doesn't matter what the person hiding in the bushes thinks, does it?


At the end of the day, it only matters what you think...



My advice? Decide to give that person the middle finger!


I'm trying to rewire some crappy thought patterns myself, so I empathize.

(((little owl))) Let go of the familiar and the past to explore into the future and the unknown. Drop all expectations and learn acceptance of what comes to you. Patterns can be changed redirecting us into new opportunities. Don't be afraid to grow for once you start you will excel and learn with it what you need to go further. (((hugs))) tc

[avlady]

Omegalamed you're right!!!

[avlady]

Trippin2 is so right too!!

[Brentsoccer43]

I agree , I know I need to make a big change but it's how going about it that makes me concern. Is it the right move, will it really work, etc etc

[Thunder Bow]

Originally Posted by littleowl2006

Ok so there obviously is something to learn from every situation and people say especially from the bad ones I have to learn what needs to change. In my head it all makes sense.
But I feel that I have some reluctance in me to just change things. I feel like there could be someone jumping out from a hiding spot saying "You think you can just change and do better? Don't be ridiculous. You have been like that and you can't change because you are incapable."
It's a feeling I always had. Whenever I think about letting something go or changing my patterns, I become afraid of that creature telling me I am not good enough or don't have the right to fool the world into thinking I wasn't completely rotten on the inside.

Anyone's thoughts would be great. It's the first time I have been able to put this into words, I guess my therapy IS working in spite of all the doubts I have.

Those accusations reads like what a angry parent would say to a child. Was that kind of thing said to you while you were growing up?

[littleowl2006]

Originally Posted by Thunder Bow

Those accusations reads like what a angry parent would say to a child. Was that kind of thing said to you while you were growing up?

I don't really know ThunderBow, guess it was a climate of that mixed with hurtful words. But I'm sure it has something to do with my family. I was often shamed and told I didn't deserve things that made me feel good. Do you think it is possible to overcome that? Whenever I make a mistake I feel really guilty and that makes it even harder to change

[ECHOES]

Originally Posted by littleowl2006

Ok so there obviously is something to learn from every situation and people say especially from the bad ones I have to learn what needs to change. In my head it all makes sense.
But I feel that I have some reluctance in me to just change things. I feel like there could be someone jumping out from a hiding spot saying "You think you can just change and do better? Don't be ridiculous. You have been like that and you can't change because you are incapable."
It's a feeling I always had. Whenever I think about letting something go or changing my patterns, I become afraid of that creature telling me I am not good enough or don't have the right to fool the world into thinking I wasn't completely rotten on the inside.

Anyone's thoughts would be great. It's the first time I have been able to put this into words, I guess my therapy IS working in spite of all the doubts I have.

It's a process, identifying your fears that hold you back. There is so much more to learn about this, and I trust you and your analyst are talking about this? It is so important and applies to so many areas of our lives that it is something to analyze in many sessions. It's interesting to be helped to see each situation where fears pop up - an internal effort to protect ourselves, keep ourselves safe.

I can relate to the fears expressed as internal thoughts in your post. We don't have to believe what we tell ourselves .

[Thunder Bow]

Originally Posted by littleowl2006

I don't really know ThunderBow, guess it was a climate of that mixed with hurtful words. But I'm sure it has something to do with my family. I was often shamed and told I didn't deserve things that made me feel good. Do you think it is possible to overcome that? Whenever I make a mistake I feel really guilty and that makes it even harder to change

A young child can not be held responsible for a parents anger or parents personal problems. Thus, what was said to you was not your fault, or ever was. It had nothing to do with you personally. All children who were treated the way you were, will feel responsible and will internalise it. This what all children will do. You can break free of this 1st reaction by knowing in truth, you had nothing to do with your parents feelings. They have to own their feelings, and should not blame their children for them.

What they said about you had nothing to do with you personally. It was their anger. It is easy to take ones anger out on a helpless child or animal. So yes, you can over come this with understanding through your therapy. Understanding is the key. Angry people will accuse, blame, and hurt those who they feel are defenseless and who feel guilty.

[littleowl2006]

Currently my therapy group is on a two weeks break, so I try to figure this out on my own right now.
Part of the fear is that I want to change, but I am afraid I can't do it. I am afraid of disappointing myself. And then I often think if I change my behaviour, while the "true" me deep inside would have acted differently, isn't that cheating? Like people could find out in a weak moment that I am actually different. I want to be honest.
Yes, I suffered emotionally when I was little and I am pretty scared of the impact it had on my psyche. I'm also afraid that therapy doesn't make it go away and that I am too weak to do it all by myself. I plan on talking about this to my T when he comes back, but for now it really has to go somewhere. It's like I've accumulated so much pain and unsolved problems during the first 20 years of my life that 6 years of independence seems not enough to solve it. (I am 26, moved away from my family when I was 20, never had anyone that I could trust and talk to back then, my mom tried but she had too many problems herself)

[Pikku Myy]

It took me so long to understand I needed to change for me your concerns are worries are normal.

[Thunder Bow]

You are stronger than you think. It takes courage just to do Therapy. As long as you are true to yourself, your true self will emerge. Therapy lessens the depression and pain over time. There are no quick fix. With kind kind of determination you have, you will heal.

Originally Posted by littleowl2006

Currently my therapy group is on a two weeks break, so I try to figure this out on my own right now.
Part of the fear is that I want to change, but I am afraid I can't do it. I am afraid of disappointing myself. And then I often think if I change my behaviour, while the "true" me deep inside would have acted differently, isn't that cheating? Like people could find out in a weak moment that I am actually different. I want to be honest.
Yes, I suffered emotionally when I was little and I am pretty scared of the impact it had on my psyche. I'm also afraid that therapy doesn't make it go away and that I am too weak to do it all by myself. I plan on talking about this to my T when he comes back, but for now it really has to go somewhere. It's like I've accumulated so much pain and unsolved problems during the first 20 years of my life that 6 years of independence seems not enough to solve it. (I am 26, moved away from my family when I was 20, never had anyone that I could trust and talk to back then, my mom tried but she had too many problems herself)

I don't think that's cheating, and I don't think anyone worth having in your life would judge you harshly for changing your behaviour - if they did then they wouldn't be friends.

You're still so young littleowl, and when you get to my age 6 years doesn't seem very long at all - you sound like you've been very strong and got through some tough times. Kudos to you - I say you deserve the change and growth you're working on and good luck to you.