Elderly parents have bedbugs and don't want help!

Well, the title says it all. My father is willing to help with the eradication but my strong willed mother is in denial. They are in their late 80's. Mom is screaming at me, since I've pretty much told them they can't come over and bring them to my home and three children. I have been calling exterminators and getting quotes right and left. Am I pushing them too far as an adult child?

This isn't just their problem but a Public Health problem. Most communities require reporting of infestations (usually done by pest control company).

The problem will get worse. And they will transfer to everywhere your parents go.

The standard procedures for treatment and eradication are:

- Putting everything that is cloth through the dryer on high heat. Select one to two week's worth of clothing and bag as needed and seal the remainder in garbage bags(keep everything sealed for a minimum 2 months).
- treatment (spraying) is done every 14 days. Most infestations require 3 treatments but depending on the extent of the infestation may require more (I had 4).
- do NOT throw anything infested out! It will only spread the infestation.

Do your parents live in a multi suite building? The neighbours (above, below, beside) will have to be notified in addition to the property manager. Most property management companies will pay for the pest control.

Okay, protect yourself....

Leave yourself some extra clothes in their/your garage so you can change before entering your own home. Toss the other clothes immediately into the dryer.

This is all very unpleasant but this is what needs to happen.

I see that your location is here in NY. here is the information you need for bedbugs here in NY state.

Bedbugs

for other states/ locations type into the search bar the words ...what to do in (your location) for bedbugs. this should bring up how/ what your city/ town and state wants you to do for bedbug infestations.

We are in NYC. They live in a private, detached house. No tenants or attached neighbors. The city will not help homeowners financially. If they were tenants it would be the landlords responsibility. When I go over I wear disposable clothes and flip flops. I come home through the back andput things straight into a hot wash/dry then change into clean clothes. I am terrified of bringing this home. They need help to pack etc and I am scared. I may even get a tyvak suit!

What if you were to obtain/print off literature about the adverse health effects and leave it with them?

I want to reassure you that you are making the right decision regarding your children. Their health is the concern.

The conversation you have with your mom may need to look like this...

Acknowledge that at the present circumstances she feels are not sufficient enough to require assistance. Ask then at what point must the infestation reach that she would deem the problem IS bad enough (you may need to concede here). Come to agreement then as to what it will come to and limits reached that steps will be taken. Have her reaffirm this agreement. It could sound like, "And so Mom, we are in agreement that....."

That sounds good- get her to agree to some "limit". She is basically resigned to her lot. She also believes this may be the result of some curse put on her (which pains me to type). I have told her the reality is that they are here and need to be addressed, whatever their origin. Thanks to everyone here for the support. I am going through so much with them and my husband, though supportive, is feeling burdened as well.

don't ever feel upset for your reaction to this Liz. This very much is a traumatic experience. You are allowed to feel the way you do.

Thankyou, FRIEND. I just want things to be normal and in a way resent that they are not. I'm trying to work through all these things while remaining a good mother and wife. I just want to hide sometimes.

You can call Adult Protective Services who can intervene and provide support to them through the extermination process and help your mom understand what is necessary. APS is for unsafe situations and I would say that would qualify.

If I were you, I'd give Adult Protective Services a call and see if they can offer anything. I'm guessing that your mother feels completely overwhelmed by the bed bug infestation, so they just don't deal with it.

Friends, they are finally coming around, I have been calling and researching methods and have settled on the Heat treatment. I found a reputable company in the area to do it. I have also offered to help pay for the treatment, as an assurance that I believe this will work. They are re reluctant but feeling like they are up against a wall. My mother raged and tantrumed but she, I think, has realized SOMETHING has to get done.

That is GREAT news!

thanks for the update