Avoidance coping behavior

Does anyone else experience this? My biggest complaints are GAD, depression and PTSD. A symptom or coping behavior of all three of those is avoidance. I was trying to figure out why I spent the last 3 months in bed, and I realized that in everything that I did or didn't do, I was being avoidant. I suspect that I may have Avoidant Personality Disorder, but it really doesn't matter. I need to overcome these issues of anxiety and fear and not avoid things. I thought that perhaps the reason I procrastinated some things was because of OCD or perfectionism, but that just didn't sit right with what I was feeling. I wasn't not doing things because they weren't perfect...I am a perfectionist but not in a way that keeps me from doing things. In fact, I'm not even sure if I truly am a perfectionist. I have learned in my life to say "this is going to have to be good enough."

Anyways, I was wondering if anyone else experienced severe avoidance behavior and how you tried to overcome it? Like what strategies you used to counteract it?

Seesaw

Yes well, avoidance is a way to try to not encounter things that may be bad for us. I guess it's about recognising when we are doing it at the time and knowing why we do that still. Is it an old coping mechanism that isn't needed so much now?

I try to avoid confrontation as much as possible, this leads me to shutting down when actually I should communicate rather than prolonging the agony. In the past it was good for me to avoid confrontation because of the abuse that might happen if I opened my mouth. I don't need to avoid communication in the here and now, I won't get hurt like that now. For me, I have to try and catch myself before going into that avoidance mode, it takes time and a lot of patience.

It's okay to avoid a potentially bad situation, object or person sometimes to reduce stress but, also it's good to sometimes force yourself to try to overcome your fears. I run into this sometimes when walking back home from the store that's down the street from me. I'll get close to home and there'll be a long way and a short way to continue and the short way for some silly reason, I associate with bad memories and am tempted to just go the other way then, the braver part of me says inside "Face your fears" and that helps me to go the shorter route even if I don't really want to but, when I do it shows me that I can overcome my obstacles if I just try and not give up. Sometimes you have to train yourself to face some things. It's good to start off slow and steady and gradually build up to overcoming greater things. I hope that this helps.

It's okay to avoid certain things, it's natural in a lot of instances. But avoidance coping behaviors become maladaptive when they interfere with our lives. I spend the whole day in bed or on the sofa in silence just avoiding the world because I'm afraid of criticism, abuse, pain, judgment, confrontation...too many things. Avoidance behaviors can be useful, like going on a run instead of taking out your anger on a partner. But when they interfere with your ability to communicate, socialize, or be in the world at all - enjoy your life at all - that's when new behaviors need to be learned.

I am also trying to learn that it's okay to disagree with someone and say that I disagree and give my opinion. People can agree with me or not. I am a freelance consultant, and one of my clients also has another consultant, and we disagree on some things. The other consultant keeps trying to get me to agree with her on things that I don't agree with her on, and I won't. The client can hear my opinion and decide which they agree with or which tactic they want to try. I won't be offended. But I'm paid for MY opinion not hers.

Anyways, I keep avoiding confrontation with her when she keeps trying to steamroll over me, but I have to stop.

But that's just one example. I have basically been avoiding my entire life for the last three months. Avoiding my bills, avoiding every person I know for fear of judgment or criticism, avoiding cleaning for fear of self judgment, avoiding exercising because of how far I've slipped and how far I have to come back to being in shape...those are just some examples.

As Pegasus mentioned, I used to use avoidance as a survival skill. I avoided voicing my opinion for fear of retribution. I avoided having my own emotions for fear of punishment. I avoided confrontation for fear that my family members would abuse me. But when you move beyond that abuse dynamic and carry that disordered avoidance thinking into real life, it can spiral out of control, as it has in my life.

I just wondered if avoidance behaviors were having as negative impact on anyone else's life as they were on mine. And how they were overcoming those behaviors. I had thought for a long time that it was depression and overwhelming depression at that. But I wonder if the depression is a misdiagnosis and that it's really the PTSD and GAD that's causing my inaction. I wonder if attempting to treat this depression all this time has been causing me more problems because maybe I'm not really depressed? Maybe it's this crippling anxiety that is really the issue.

Since I've been able to relabel my behavior as avoidance and understand more why I'm avoiding, I've actually been able to make some changes in the past couple of days. I hope I will be able to keep it up. Unfortunately I suffer from PMDD, which is a hormonally caused mood disorder. I don't get swings like bipolar, but I suffer from severe depression and other symptoms during certain periods in my menstrual cycle. I am in the lesser intense period of the cycle so maybe it's allowing me to think clearly. However I also got back on my meds for the PMDD so hopefully this will last and I will continue to improve.

I have mentioned this quote a couple of times in the past few days. But it very much rings true for me at this point:

"Change happens when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change." Anthony Robbins

Seesaw

Good quote. I know where you're coming from on the whole avoidance thing and not wanting to disagree with others. I grew up so afraid of adults even school teachers that I never called them by name. In class if I needed something I would just raise my hand until called upon and then say or ask very humbly and meekly for what ever I needed. This fear has followed me into adulthood and it is hard to overcome. For me it's about not wanting to offend anyone or "risk" offending them. A friend and I talked about it recently and he has encouraged me to say "No" anytime that I don't want to do anything that he asks of me. Sooner or later though we have to tell people that we are not here to serve them and that we have rights too. The reason I say that is because there are some people who will detect this weakness in us and try to use it to bully us into doing their bidding. Sounds to me like the person you work with and are trying to avoid has figured this out about you and using it to try to take advantage. It's scary to stand up to bullies at first but, it's also necessary so that we don't bottle up these feelings inside and then go off on someone when we can't take it anymore.
I've done this more than once because I almost always place others ahead of myself and that's not fair.
You owe these people nothing except to treat them like human beings. Sometimes you just have to calm yourself and get in that frame of mind where you aren't going to take any crap then, look them in the eye and calmly and slowly tell them that you aren't going to be swayed or bullied. It's very important here that you let your eyes do the talking as well and if you have to narrow them with some aggression I say do it because that says "You don't want to mess with me." If they wont back down after that then, you should take it to a supervisor and tell them that you feel that you're being harassed by this overbearing person and that you are getting stressed as a result. Don't feel bad about 'snitching' if it seems to be the only alternative. There is nothing cowardly about seeking help from someone in a position of authority. I hope that everything goes well for you and remember that you owe no one nothing. It's YOUR life after all. I believe in you. You can do this.

Thanks for this thread. I’m going to look into this because it sounds quite a bit like like some of my behaviors.