[dihahey]

I cannot seem to remember how it started, what happened the first time. I was 6 years old and would go into my brothers room and pretend to sleep. I did this willingly.

Possible trigger:

He would then perform sexual acts on me. This lead to him setting up forts in the basement and inviting another family member to participate.

He was 12 at the time.


I in therapy and writing my life story. I have several traumatic life events and I am not sure if this even is one. Maybe I put too much weight on it and it was actually nothing. Just remember that I willingly went into the room. I wish that I could remember how it first started because that would answer so much.


Thank you!

[happysobercrafter]

Sweetpea! How can a 6-year-old consent to sex? Could he have manipulated you? I am so sorry this happened to you! I have sexual abuse in my background too.

How is your therapy going?

[Open Eyes]

dihahey, small children often discover themselves sexually before they even know what it means. All the child knows is it feels good and often children are curious if other children can experience it too. Children are curious about everything and like to explore, it's just their nature. If you remember this keep in mind that children really don't know what it means like adults do and it really is very common for children to explore more than most realize. When an adult takes advantage of a child, that creates issues because it's sexual abuse and results in some major trust issues and confusion and guilt later on. Unfortunately, most parents fail to explain to children how not to explore with other children and because of children being normal and discovering themselves sexually, and being curious this happens a lot more than people admit.

[dihahey]

Originally Posted by HappyCrafter

Sweetpea! How can a 6-year-old consent to sex? Could he have manipulated you? I am so sorry this happened to you! I have sexual abuse in my background too.

How is your therapy going?

Thank you for your reply. Therapy is going well. I am trying to get sober which is tough. I know that I need to understand these things that happened in order to move on.
I know that I was too young to consent but I blame myself. Maybe no one is at fault. Was he too young to know? I kind of feel like 12 is old enough to know.

[dihahey]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

dihahey, small children often discover themselves sexually before they even know what it means. All the child knows is it feels good and often children are curious if other children can experience it too. Children are curious about everything and like to explore, it's just their nature. If you remember this keep in mind that children really don't know what it means like adults do and it really is very common for children to explore more than most realize. When an adult takes advantage of a child, that creates issues because it's sexual abuse and results in some major trust issues and confusion and guilt later on. Unfortunately, most parents fail to explain to children how not to explore with other children and because of children being normal and discovering themselves sexually, and being curious this happens a lot more than people admit.

I

It makes sense that he was curious but why not be curious with one of the sister's that was closer to his age? Wouldn't that be more appropriate? I had another sister that was just 2 years younger than him and another that was 3 years younger than him.

I'm not sure how to know if it was trauma or not. I cry every time I write or think about it which makes me believe it is. I don't know

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm so sorry you're struggling, dihahey It sounds like you've been through a lot. Whether you consented or not doesn't change the fact that you're still pretty affected by that event if you're even crying about it... it's good that you're seeing a therapist. Hopefully you'll be able to unlock that memori and see what it really happened. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this

[Open Eyes]

Originally Posted by dihahey

I

It makes sense that he was curious but why not be curious with one of the sister's that was closer to his age? Wouldn't that be more appropriate? I had another sister that was just 2 years younger than him and another that was 3 years younger than him.

I'm not sure how to know if it was trauma or not. I cry every time I write or think about it which makes me believe it is. I don't know

Well, he probably figured you were the one that was more apt to not say no because you were so young. Also, you don't know for sure if he had tried something with the other two either. It's normal to get very uncomfortable talking about this issue. Keep in mind, even a 12 year old is just a child and often extremely naive. It could be your brother experienced someone that explored with him too. Go easy with this, it actually happens more than you know, it's something that most NEVER talk about.

[Usagizzz]

:O

That was definitely molestation!

Brothers are supposed to be there for you, not to hurt you! I'm sorry that you had to go through this!

[happysobercrafter]

Originally Posted by dihahey

Thank you for your reply. Therapy is going well. I am trying to get sober which is tough. I know that I need to understand these things that happened in order to move on.
I know that I was too young to consent but I blame myself. Maybe no one is at fault. Was he too young to know? I kind of feel like 12 is old enough to know.

You are welcome. I am glad to hear your therapy is going well. And I agree with what you are saying about him being old enough to know. It happened in secret. I think he knew. Did he tell you to never repeat that? That is one of an abuser's routines. And I hear you on the blaming, I did that too in my background.

I know that this is painful and is brutal to face. However, once you get through this, it will lose its power over you and you continue to heal. Your tears are a huge part of your healing. You get that toxic waste out of your system! And that helps you gain strength to face other obstacles we all encounter in our lives.

Good for you for facing what hurts you!! Slowly, day by day, you'll get there. Remember to pace yourself and balance yourself. Grieving is important, but so is having fun.

How are you doing on your sobriety? As you get through your painful issues, your craving to escape becomes easier to manage because you can make better choices on what to do.

[Open Eyes]

I just want to add here that I am in no way saying it's ok for an older male sibling to engage in this behavior. My point was more about how children find themselves and explore and while there can be trepidation about it, they do not understand it from an adult perspective. I made sure to talk about it with my daughter because I was concerned about her possibly being encouraged to explore with other children and I wanted her to know it was wrong and to say no. Because I had talked to her about it she came to me and told me about a friend of hers that was in my little brownie troup who's brother and his friend were trying to get her to explore with them, the mother was clueless and tended to leave them alone at home too much. I informed the mother and my daughter told this friend "do not do this it's wrong". Truth is, a lot of parents fail to talk about this with their children and "may" talk about don't allow an adult to touch you in certain ways but notoriously fail to tell them the same about other children and not to explore with them in this nature too.

The other thing that happens is that as children get older and they are observing their parents, they begin to realize something their parents do, sometimes they hear it or accidentally see it happening, say they get up at night to go to the bathroom and see something happening with mom and dad. Children are far from stupid and they actually pick up on a lot more than we realize. And they notoriously want to imitate and explore. I actually remember when my daughter was only around 6 years old and played with a little boy her age that lived on our street. One day this boy was walking home and suddenly turned around and exposed himself to my daughter and he said something like, "you know I have this and it's special". My daughter was shocked and I have to be honest, I watched him do this myself and it frightened my daughter and she cried. However this little boy who was an only child must have picked this up from seeing his parents somehow talking about this not knowing he was watching them. So somehow he figured what he had was important. He clearly did not know what he did that day was very wrong. Again, something I had to discuss with his mother and she was shocked and embarrassed. Well, he saw something she wasn't aware he saw. Just saying IT HAPPENS.

[dihahey]

Originally Posted by HappyCrafter

You are welcome. I am glad to hear your therapy is going well. And I agree with what you are saying about him being old enough to know. It happened in secret. I think he knew. Did he tell you to never repeat that? That is one of an abuser's routines. And I hear you on the blaming, I did that too in my background.

I know that this is painful and is brutal to face. However, once you get through this, it will lose its power over you and you continue to heal. Your tears are a huge part of your healing. You get that toxic waste out of your system! And that helps you gain strength to face other obstacles we all encounter in our lives.

Good for you for facing what hurts you!! Slowly, day by day, you'll get there. Remember to pace yourself and balance yourself. Grieving is important, but so is having fun.

How are you doing on your sobriety? As you get through your painful issues, your craving to escape becomes easier to manage because you can make better choices on what to do.

Hello, I do not now if he asked me to keep it a secret. I only remember small parts of my childhood. It took me years of therapy to remember that once I stopped participating in this that he made a whole in the bathroom wall so that he could see in there from his bedroom.


Sobriety is not going well at all. I keep failing. I am in a program but it does not seem to be enough. I think that I am going to see my psychiatrist again and get my meds adjusted. I also started reading Allen Carrs book. I thought maybe I would try another approach. Ugh, I really want the sobriety piece to stick.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by dihahey

I cannot seem to remember how it started, what happened the first time. I was 6 years old and would go into my brothers room and pretend to sleep. I did this willingly.

Possible trigger:

He would then perform sexual acts on me. This lead to him setting up forts in the basement and inviting another family member to participate.

He was 12 at the time.


I in therapy and writing my life story. I have several traumatic life events and I am not sure if this even is one. Maybe I put too much weight on it and it was actually nothing. Just remember that I willingly went into the room. I wish that I could remember how it first started because that would answer so much.


Thank you!

This is statutory rape, incest rape. I'm sorry that this has happened to you! Rape is rape. Your brother knew that this is wrong.

[amandalouise]

something that happened to me as a child.... without graphic details I was sent to temporarily live with a relative in another state. that cousin in my mind what this cousin did was rape. when I disclosed this online and in therapy and in support groups I got all kinds of people telling me thats rape thats this thats that...

I and my treatment provider at the time I disclosed this (I was an adult at this disclosure)

we made a police report, we got a lawyer, and we were all set for prosecution. the first court hearing the charge was thrown out as no rape happened by this relative.... heres why....

when i was 8 and this cousin who was 13 or 14 there was no laws on the books saying rape is unconsenting sex between minors. back then the definition of rape contained the wording "between adults" and the child sex laws were worded when an Adult forces their self on a child.

in my mind and by todays laws yes what happened to me in the state where I live now this would be called rape if I was right now that 8 year old child and my cousin was right now that same 13-14 yr old child. but back then sex whether it was consented or not was called two minors exploring, playing and so on not illegal...

another situation in my family is a sibling suddenly remembered what she would consider rape, these memories were not actual memories of her own. years later after she ruined someone elses life by accusing them of rape it was discovered a friend had told her about the friends rape and this siblings mind incorporated the situation into her own mind as if it had happened to her. (this kind of situation is now treatable with the new PTSD diagnostics.)

I also had a very close friend lose her life because people on the internet told her she had been abused, what happened to her was rape and that she had mental disorders that she did not have. Turned out her so called rape memories were because she had cancer in her brain which caused psychosis (hallucinations, delusions) and false memories.

my point is now that I know have the experience of these situations I never tell another person online or not that yes something is rape or not. its not up to me to say someones elses situation in their childhood was rape or not.

I instead tell them if the problems continue to contact their own treatment providers who can help them to discover for their self whether something from their childhood happened or not and why they are remembering what they are remembering.

original poster I know this kind of thing is hard but only you and your own treatment providers can find out whether you were molested as a child or not. my suggestion is contact yours or a treatment provider or your local police department who can also tell you whats what based on your situation and laws at the time you feel this happened to you.