Missing Wallet

Those are good points you mentioned JD - I didn't think about the possibility of the girl stealing other things and putting it in their locker. You know what's strange is, several months ago this girl claimed she found an Ipod Touch on her driveway. I believed it, but now I'm doubting she swiped this from someone. It really is a dog eat dog world out there. Thanks for pointing this out.

Outstanding suggestions JD. I would go one step further. It sounds like the two have made up, but I wouldn't be comfortable with my daughter keeping company with such a person. Being civil is one thing, friendly another. At the very least this is a cry for help.

I wanted to give an update on my daughters situation with this girl at school. I mentioned earlier in the thread that on Halloween night my daughter and 3 friends were at one of the girls houses. I bought my daughter 2 fancy eyeliners and after they came back from trick or treating my daughter couldn't find it. The one friend who had them over offered to even buy my daughter new ones. It really bothered my daughter they just disappeared and were brand new. They cost $20 because they were sparkly All this happened before the wallet incident.

The girl in question planted the seed and said one of the others girls took it. The girl in question swore on her life she didn't take it. Well one of the girls at the party told my daughter that she saw the liquid eyeliner in the girls makeup bag. My daughter told her teacher and he requested to see her bag and sure enough there it was. The girl also caused a fight at recess and tried to slap my daughter and failed - she ended up on the ground.

This morning I called the principle to ask if they have authority to search her desk, bags and locker. She said they will and also will call her parents. The sad thing is, I let my daughter wear a gold cobra choker with a dolphin charm with a pearl hanging from the tail and a ring for picture day- I firmly believe she stole these too. I know now it was a mistake to lend it to my daughter but she had to remove it for gym class and put it in a locked locker. I never dreamed someone would steal it. I feel so stressed about this. My daughter asked her teacher to give her a new locker and changed the seating arrangement.

Wow, what a carry on ....

Your daughter has learned early not to trust people which is not a nice thing to learn at any age .

Hugs to you both ...

Thanks Tishie. The girl is also trying to socially bully my daughters and someone is destroying her property. Someone cut with scissors one finger of my gloves I lent my daughter and yesterday she came home with the handle of her lunch pale cut.

This is going to sound really weird however...

I would rather my daughter be on the receiving end than on the giving end as the child that is acting like this has real bad problems I would not want to be dealing with.

As it stands you have no choice you need to make a list of all the things that have gone on and make an appt with the head teacher handing the list them them.

You cannot afford to feel sorry for this other child or her family. You have your own family to worry about and this could get serious with one of your daughters getting physically hurt.

My daughters teacher knows about what happened yesterday and knows there a theft problem. All he knew before was they had a parting of their friendship and he didn't realize the seriousness of the situation. SInce she's in grade 8 there's only 6 more months left before they go their separate ways - they'll be going to different high schools. Now I'm happy that my daughter learned how to defend herself but I realize she's not supergirl. She hasn't mention the destruction of her property -when you're in the older grades, it's frowned upon to tattle tail. I agree I'd rather be on the receiving end.

I am curious to know what help is being offered to the girl caught up in stealing. What are the school principal and counsellor doing to interveen? Have you considered speaking with the girl yourself or talking with her parents or at least making sure the school is talking to the girl and her parents? Since things are escellating it seems like this girl is heading into bigger and bigger problems. She now has a possy and is getting locked into a corner. I just think someone needs to find out what is going on with her before things go too far.

A while back a friend my son's who spends a lot of time in our home stole some money from my son's dresser. He denied it when my son asked him about it the next time he came over but when I joined in the discussion he confessed to taking it. He was 13 at the time and while he didn't need the money he said he took it because it was there. When I pressed him further it became clear it was only a symptom of bigger issues he was facing in his life. The experience ended up bonding this boy even closer to my son and to me. He needed someone to notice him and to care enough to confront his bad choices by digging deeper into the root causes.

Nice to hear from you sanity seeker. I agree this girl needs help and that's why I requested the school to call her parents, so they would at least know what their daughter is doing. Due to the privacy policy I wouldn't be able to ask if the school is doing more, such as counseling.

I don't want to try to address the parents because this can back fire sometimes. I wish I could talk to the girl, but she won't even admit she stole the items even when my daughter holds it in her hand. Even the principle said the girl won't admit wrong doing. It's a very sad and disturbing situation. It's one thing to steal from a stranger but how does a person steal from a best friend?

This is also hard for my daughter - her trust in friends was shattered. I told my daughter the story of a member of parliment who got caught stealing an expensive ring. He said he had the money and just couldn't resist the urge to take it. She tried to explain this to the girl in front of the priciple and nothing registers. She just keeps making excuses. The girls knew my daughter was so upset at losing her new wallet and the fancy eyeliners - and she said nothing but "I hope you find them". Once she was caught, it would have been so much easier if the girl just said I'm sorry and it was wrong" - rather than denying it. You know what sad - just because the girl cries at school becasue of this issue she gets sympathy. She even got a friend of hers to say "this is what friends do" - validating the stealing. My daughter was switched lockers yesterday.

Hi Lynn. Its nice to be around again. I am so sorry your daughter is faced with what seems like a no win situation. I sincerely hope things get better for her soon. Perhaps the holiday break will help to simmer things down along with the locker change. I agree with others in commending you for your commitment to your daughters. They are fortunate to have you always covering their backs as they face some of the harsh realities of life. Blessing to you all this holiday season.

That was Svene Robinson who stole the ring. It was so sad when all of that happened. He was such a well respected and hard working MP for Vancouver. He stood up for many hugely controversial subjects during his long career in politics. Fortunately for him the incident served as a catalyst to get help with buried issues but sadly he will never be able to return to serving in government as a consequence. Let us hope that somehow down the road this girl will be able to acknowledge her wrong doing and get the help she needs to walk a better road through life.

lynn, i'm sorry your daughters are having such a rough time of it lately with this and the other situation you've posted about. it sounds like they are learning quite well how to stand up for themselves which is great. you mentioned earlier in the thread "it's a hard lesson, learning you can't really trust anyone". i think maybe it's not quite that black and white though, and i admit i'd be a bit concerned if your daughters end up thinking this. i mention it because i've seen you post other similar sentiments. it's true that no one is perfect, and that includes all of us, so we will make mistakes but some people make pretty minor ones, and others medium size ones, and some bigger mistakes. i think we can put our trust in people accordingly as we learn their character over time. i just wouldn't want to see your daughters become jaded by these experiences and think there aren't any trustworthy people out there. my dad tried to teach me that, but i knew it was his own cynicism talking so i didn't take it to heart. i do happen to know trustworthy people and i'm sure your daughters will meet some too.

Thanks bloom3 - yes I'll try not to tarnish my daughter with my own lack of trust issues. I have advised her that she shouldn't take anything of value to school because unfortunately things can get stolen.

To update this issue - this worsens over the holidays to where the girl told her father to call our house. My husband and her father had a calm conversation and it back fired for the girl. The father looked at her Facebook and found she posted a very revealing photo of her wearing a dress with extreme cleavage. She also had another photo of her wearing the 'hijab' which is a scarf and they're muslim - she captioned the photo 'terrorist'. So her Facebook account was gone for about 2 weeks.

The girl continues to speak about the situation even though the dad's agreed to get the girls not to talk about it anymore. She also has Formspring and annonymous posters keep bringing this up and she's saying hateful things. This is continuing to be a daily problem and I'm getting very stressed by the whole thing.

Or maybe even worse.

We used to have to wear the ugliest gym suits in high school. It was my first class of the morning. I was goofing off and cracking jokes with a friend of mine. As the coach was talking about danger/protection, I was goofing off and cracking jokes with a friend of mine. We noticed one of the girls across the room. She had a reputation for being very mean - carried a knife in her knee socks. When we visualized this "mean woman " out on the streets in her ugly gym suit and knee socks, we busted out laughing. Who could POSSIBLY be so intimidating in such a ridiculous outfit? We caught her eye when we started laughing. It wasn't a friendly look.

The next day we were in gym class when the fire alarm went off. We all had to stand out in the freezing cold in those gym suits for what seemed like an eternity.

They finally called the entire school into the auditorium for an assembly - our graduating class alone was huge. The dean walked up to the mic and asked me to come down from the bleachers. He was holding a flimsy piece of fabric and asked me to come up to the mic. It was a remnant of my purse - they only thing that survived the fire, which was started in MY gym locker.

My clothes, my coat, my books, my homework, my drivers license - everything was gone. I had to spend the rest of the day going from class to class - the ONLY one dressed in an ugly gym suit with everyone laughing at me. At first, I was accused of setting my own locker on fire - til I convinced the dean no self-respecting girl would want to step out onto the street in those ugly gym suits - let alone any one of his classrooms. It was a VERY cold ride home.

I'd LOVE to see that woman again. I'd probably give her a hug and tell her "Thanks a LOT for lighting my fire!"

Thanks for the story (((KathyM))). Good to see you have a sense of humor about the incident. Girls can be so mean.

They sure can - so can boys.

She really wasn't so mean though. She was stuck in a really bad situation where she was completely surrounded and outnumbered - and it really could have been very dangerous for her. I don't blame her for wearing a mean mask, and I don't even blame her for lashing out at me. How was she to know if we weren't planning something sinister or just making fun of her? How do I know my laughter wasn't the "final straw" for her? We held no ill will towards her, but we used her as a source for our jokes - which spiraled out of control.

At least she kept it between "us girls" by starting it in the girls gym locker room instead of my other locker near the classrooms. It would have caused even more damage, maybe even loss of life - all because of a joke.

Maybe I should have been paying more attention in class instead of trying to amuse myself with jokes about the world around me. It wasn't the belly laugh I had hoped it would be, but it was quite an adventure nonetheless. Oh well, even if I didn't - my locker got a cover story in the high school yearbook.

But I'm beginning to wonder if my STORY made it all the way across the ocean. It sounds awfully familiar!

Hey how your daughter doing now

I have gone through so many things in my life where I trusted people & have been completely hurt & even ended up being in the middle of a trauma because of my trust.....you would think that trust would be the last thing I would ever feel after all I have experienced, but NOOOOO, I still seem to trust first before I find out that I can't trust.....I just take a lot more care with my things......& even with my things, I find that I am not as careful as I should be. Not sure why I don't overreact the way I would think I would be doing after all my bad experiences.....I have learned much from them, but just not to "not trust anyone". I have always given people the benefit of the doubt before reacting & know that people definitely take advantage of people who are nice......but I have always felt the need to treat people the way I want to be treated......then take it from there when they prove that I can't.

You would have thought that I would have learned not to trust anyone & make them prove their trust worthiness before I trust.....but it takes so much effort to make someone prove that you can trust them.....it doesn't take any effort for them to prove that I can't.....but when I start hearing excuse after excuse....the first excuse is at least now a red flag & the next excuse is when my trust leaves. It is definitely difficult to read some people......but boy, when they cross the line.....they really get an ear full.

I'm still dealing with the guy that took my money for fencing my farm & I took him to small claims & won the judgment against him along with interest & the judge told me that if I wanted, I could file a criminal charge against him. I am trying very hard to be understanding about his situation, thinking that if I were is the same situation that I would hope that the person would be understanding also rather than having me thrown into jail for not paying back the money by the time I really want it back. I figure that once the weather warms up & the jobs he said he has lined up start being possible to work on he will start paying me......if he doesn't at that point, at least I have the criminal charges to hold over his head & will definitely take that action at that point. I hate to think that people take advantage of my being nice to them.....I just seem to draw my line much farther out than many others do...which is what gets me into trouble many times......but I always hope that if I were is a similar situation that other person would be as understanding. Somehow that never happens.....but at least I can feel better about myself then if I didn't treat others the way I would hope to be treated. Just don't push me past that point.....or they end up with a tiger on their tail.

I have tried so many times to take people who have wronged me to court or turned them over to the police & nothing ever happens.....that also is very discouraging or they end up being judgment proof & there is nothing I can do about the loss. Trust in doing business with people is definitely something I have learned the hard way & am completely leery now......have to have tons of recommendations before I even consider to hire someone, but stopping my trust in everyone to start with is just impossible for me to do

Thanks kikki27 for asking - it was very upsetting for my daughter and myself. This girl was her best friend - she ate at our house and we went on picnics in the summer. It's upsetting when a stranger steals but it's very upsetting when it's your best friend. Luckily my daughter is strong minded and resilient.

((eskie)) - I'm sorry you've been betrayed and been cheated like this. It's too bad some people are like this - I don't don't how they live with the guilt or think God will deal with their deeds. I also think when people see a woman living on their own, they think she's an easy mark or wouldn't know prices etc. Good to know you're cautious but not paranoid or pessimistic.

Lynn, so sorry for both you and your daughter on this, have had similar stuff happen before, but I am glad it sounds like her aather at least is somewhat awre things aren't quite right with the girl. I hade a friend once who started off down that road. Honestly, stuff ant home weren't going as well as they seemed on the surface and the kid was seriously disturbed by highschool. Her unwillingness to let the situation drop is really worrisome, but more for her I think than your daughter.

I would just try to let it die a natural death now and as you have been, try to keep the girls apart. It doesn't sound like this kid is heading anywhere happy. I'm sorry. HUGGGGS and I hope her atttention gets turned elsewhere.

lynn, i'm so sorry this is a continuing problem for your daughter. i will pray for you and your daughters. i kind of wonder if something spiritual is going on because it seems like you and your daughters keep having these weird things happening like with that other girl and the dogs almost attacking your daughter.

Yes there been some stressful occurences these last few months. I hope there's nothing spiritual or a bad curse happening. If there was, I wouldn't know how to fix or get rid of it.

i could probably help you figure it out if something comes to mind. i'll keep praying.

Thanks ((bloom)). I been thinking and I think bad things happen to people. Unfortunately many problems happen with school children and not all kids are raised with common sense morals like, don't steal and treat others like we want to be treated, etc. I've always lead my life with strong values but that doesn't make me immune to unfortunate events. I appreciate the prayers.

Hi Lynn

I think our lessons in life can't be neatly organized and scheduled. Sometimes they happen when we least expect them, and sometimes they seem to come all at once - from all directions.

You're a good mom, and you have a bright and strong daughter. I see this as a good lesson to prepare herself to function independently in the real world. She will encounter people who call themselves friends but merely want to steal from her. This experience can help her better detect the friends she can trust with those she can't. Tough lesson though.