PT: What is etiquette, and why should we care about it?

Judith Martin: Etiquette is about all of human social behavior. Behavior is regulated by law when etiquette breaks down or when the stakes are high--violations of life, limb, property, and so on. Barring that, etiquette is a little social contract we make that we well restrain some of our more provocative impulses in return for living more or less harmoniously in a community.

Of course, when you throw etiquette aside, as has been roundly done over the last few decades, you end up with the "road rage" phenomenon. People say very proudly, "I don't care about etiquette," because they don't understand what it is. They have the mistaken idea that etiquette is some kind of little ritual for snobs. But when you throw it away. the violence, the frivolous lawsuits, and the not-so-frivolous lawsuits, follow very quickly.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/print/25471

[nice girl]

Byzantine thanks for this.. I too believe Etiquette's are very imp.. but sometimes our etiquette's,, (social behavior) is what we can't control.. We feel like wanting to be a social well being but for some unknown reasons we aren't.. we can't..

[splitimage]

Interesting article. Thanks for the link.

[IceCreamKid]

Originally Posted by TheByzantine

http://www.psychologytoday.com/print/25471

Some of the people very proudly rejecting "etiquette" are actually announcing their hostility and warning that it will continue. I work for a crass, crude person and what comes out of that person's mouth isn't an accident or some noble rejection of artificialities.

[nice girl]

Some people don't understand what others might have or may be going through.... But i guess u have been going through a lot.. hope this person behaves well with u..

[lonegael]

Basically I think that claiming that ettiquette is fake and irrelevant is an excuse for the "might makes right" advocates to push their way to the top. I rarely see someone who isn't a bully or a socially/physically pushy person make this kind of claim. Unfortunately, they are the ones I find that I have to flex my muscle at as well to get done what I need to. If I can without raising my voice, so much the better.
There is something to be said for the iron hand in the velvet glove.

[nice girl]

Firstly spelling mistake.. it's etiquette not ettiquette..
Etiquette's are definitely not fake or irrelevant..
But for some people who cannot mix socially or make friends easily it is a very complicated term..

[KathyM]

My husband usually has to cut up my food into little pieces for me because I have so much trouble due to the neuropathy. Food often dribbles/drops out of my mouth due to my paralyzed face and inability to control my mouth - in more ways than one.

I try my best, but I SUCK at washing/ironing clothes - pipes are broken, so my husband has to take them all to the laundromat in his "spare time." I do my best to fold them and put them away when he comes home, but his clothes are so old and torn that I can't do much about it. I'm legally blind.

My husband is SO STRESSED being my only caregiver. He rushed off to work one day, knowing he was already late for a meeting. His boss and co-workers like to make Mexican-themed fun of his raggedy clothing. When he showed up at the meeting, he had a coffee stain on his shirt (which happened while he was "racing" to work).

When he took his place at the meeting, someone said "Nice coffee stain you got there - did your WIFE pick that one out for you? Everyone ROARED with laughter.

Yeah - real FUNNY. Why oh WHY can't we learn to use our MANNERS and ETIQUETTE?

If I'm at a restaurant with them and the amyloidosis causes my throat to "seize" while eating and I choke on my food - will THEY come to MY rescue? HELL NO - they will think it's funny/fascinating to watch me pass out face first into my food. My oh my what horrible manners I have - what a MESS.

[Nola22]

I have not read the whole article, just the quote provided by Byzantine (thank you for both), and I have to say I'm a pretty big etiquette advocate. I endeavor to behave with an awareness of others and out of consideration for them whenever/wherever I am able. It becomes wearying interacting with those who believe and behave otherwise, but there's not much you can do besides suffer it, it seems. I've had debates with people who believe etiquette is a societal anachronism, and I honestly believe they see etiquette as the province of generations past, or that it belongs in ornate dining rooms filled with chandelier light and the clinking of wine glasses or tea cups.

I am a firm advocate of individualism also, who believes in making conscious choices to behave by a standard that acknowledges my fellow human beings. I think a misapplication of what it means to "be yourself" may prompt people to act without consideration in some cases. In other cases, it's as simple as their folks didn't bring 'em up right.

My pet peeve? Cell phone zombies, whether they are bleating their personal business to everyone within earshot, driving like imbeciles because they're preoccupied with talking or texting, or living up to their name by staggering down the sidewalk in a haphazard manner as they toy with their phones. What pains in the butt they are. I am sure I could offer a greater list of pet peeves, but I'll stop here.

All the best!

[Nola22]

Originally Posted by KathyM

My husband usually has to cut up my food into little pieces for me because I have so much trouble due to the neuropathy. Food often dribbles/drops out of my mouth due to my paralyzed face and inability to control my mouth - in more ways than one.

I try my best, but I SUCK at washing/ironing clothes - pipes are broken, so my husband has to take them all to the laundromat in his "spare time." I do my best to fold them and put them away when he comes home, but his clothes are so old and torn that I can't do much about it. I'm legally blind.

My husband is SO STRESSED being my only caregiver. He rushed off to work one day, knowing he was already late for a meeting. His boss and co-workers like to make Mexican-themed fun of his raggedy clothing. When he showed up at the meeting, he had a coffee stain on his shirt (which happened while he was "racing" to work).

When he took his place at the meeting, someone said "Nice coffee stain you got there - did your WIFE pick that one out for you? Everyone ROARED with laughter.

Yeah - real FUNNY. Why oh WHY can't we learn to use our MANNERS and ETIQUETTE?

If I'm at a restaurant with them and the amyloidosis causes my throat to "seize" while eating and I choke on my food - will THEY come to MY rescue? HELL NO - they will think it's funny/fascinating to watch me pass out face first into my food. My oh my what horrible manners I have - what a MESS.

I'm sorry for everything you're facing, KathyM, and that people are so damned insensitive. I wish you and your husband all the best. He sounds like a great guy with all he does for you and endures from his coworkers. It's awful the both of you must interact with such horrible people, totally lacking in humanity and empathy. My heart goes out to you.

Sorry for taking this thread slightly off track.