[Rose3]

A couple has lost one of their adult children. What can I say - either when speaking to them on the phone, or in their guest book? Just looking for some ideas. Thanks.

[wing]

If I have a fond memory of the person, I usually write a note recalling that. Otherwise, I just sign the guest book or send a card. There are cards specifically for the loss of a person's son or daughter. I wouldn't know what else to say except "I'm so sorry for your loss."

[Rose3]

thank you

[lonegael]

Other than the above, there often isn't much to say. Such losses are so painful that there aren't any perfect words or phrases. If there is anything you can do for them, let them know that you can stop by and say, bring a casserole or do some shopping over or invite them over for some coffe and cake to help them stay in touch with life, something concrete. Listening is often far more important, being willing to be with them in this time, particularly if they are good friends. Good luck.

[kikki27]

Originally Posted by Rose3

A couple has lost one of their adult children. What can I say - either when speaking to them on the phone, or in their guest book? Just looking for some ideas. Thanks.

That is sad too lose somebody uggh

[danvb]

Hi Rose3,

What is in your heart? How do you feel about their loss?

Whatever it is, THAT is what you say.

I know that when I lost someone that was very, very dear to me, I always appreciated the comments that I knew were genuine and coming from those peoples hearts. REGARDLESS of what they said, it was THOSE people that touched me the most. I could also tell who was simply voicing meaningless platitudes. I always felt that those people came out of social obligation instead of because they really felt my loss and were there for me.

So, be true to your heart. If you have little feelings about their loss, that ok. But be real and don't try to be something you aren't or feel something you don't.

[MandiePoo]

Good advice so far.

Another really important thing to remember is to keep offering the help you can, and your support, long after the initial shock has passed. So often people will be there initially, but taper off and get back to their own lives, sort of forgetting that this kind of hurt hurts for years sometimes.

Also remember sometimes the best thing you can "say" to someone who has lost a child, is a simple squeeze on the shoulder, a hug, or sitting quietly and honoring the persons emotion by listening.

[ECHOES]

You let them know that you are thinking of them. If you knew the adult child, you can say something pleasant about them that comes to your mind, a warm memory.
People don't necessarily remember exact words, but they remember the feeling of someone offering condolences and acknowledging their grief.
Just let them know that you know of and are sorry for their loss.

[Rose3]

thank you everybody