[lonely and scared]

I am beginning to fill pushed out of my family. I don't have a big family as I have lost some members of my family. I know that families go through their rough patches but I don't feel part of my family anymore.
There are never any conversations that are done, I don't feel like I can turn to them if I even want to. I also feel like they hide things from me and I'm not sure if I am able to trust them.
It gets to time where I wish I am able to choose my own family like you can choose friends.

Hello, lonely and scared. Do you think you would be able to talk to family members about how you feel?

I guess that our family of origin can; in many cases, feel non-existant.It is a common occurence,which is not a soothing statement.Some of us have little or no family;unfortunately,and along the way we find that there are others whom we can place our trusts in,and share the contents of our lives with.People;in other words,who serve the roles `that we feel we need' taken.One thing which may reassure you,is the simple fact that life has 'ups and downs' or episodes which are ever-changing...so that,we can feel..."even if things are like this right now...there is always the possibility that the future....near or far...will bring a fulfillment to the ache you are now experiencing".Perhaps my statements can bring to light ....the fact that individually...you actually can "choose your family" in the sense that there is much more than 'blood-line' where-in the feelings and pleasures of having a "family" can be sought .....and happily....found as well.Peace to your spirit....WO.olfy.

[Jabrielle]

My birth family, too is shrinking. I guess that means I have to grow, as I have to put more in where there are gaps. Others used to do that stuff, and being gone, there are gaps of silence, and non movement in many areas. I just got back home from nearly 25 years of absence (some visits), and the holes in my family are apparent...where my mom used to do stuff...where my brother used to do stuff...where aunts and uncles (all now deceased) used to do stuff. By stuff, I naturally mean how their presence was felt, as well as what they brought to situations (holiday gatherings, outings, crisis times, daily living).
At first a deep sadness held me..as time goes by, I see ways to join the past with now...reconstructing family albums, talking to existing members about their recollections, bonding with family members that have been distant in the past (second cousins, neices, nephews, and the such), visiting the remaining elders.
I am now the matriarch of our shrinking family unit. I cook meals that my dad and sister haven't had for about 15 years now since my mom passed, help my dad who is 86 in his garden, bring my sister on outings with me, clean and paint rooms that have been empty and unused for years...basically I re-energize where I can, and attemt to bring light to the small dark corners. I do this for my comfort as well as theirs.

Wow Jabrielle...that sounds like a profound awareness and responsibility that you possess.I've not seen or heard many who think along those lines.I must say...whatever role you play within the structure of your familial group...you must be invaluable! "The matriarch"....indeed! And a lovely one.(I realize you may not see the reason for my surprise)Let's just say...I really have never had a 'family'....other than my interweave with my own sons....and I fell short ,for lack of example.