Desperate & Dateless

I think you're right!
I definitely appreciate when a guy likes himself. Not vanity of course, but just knowing that he values himself makes him more attractive.

I also totally get being happy by yourself. Plenty of people can find exactly what they need in their friendships, and lead happy full lives. We're social creautres yes but who says we all have to be married and have 2.5 kids?

hahahaha i really appreciated that.

i haven't dated anyone (well been in a relationship. i'm a relationship girl, not a dating girl) for 2 years also. i'm 21 and so afraid that i'm going to end up alone. i have social anxiety so i'm not really putting myself out there... and i also have low self-esteem so i always date guys who are messed up or just not good enough for me. i know i need to have more respect for myself, be less desperate, and set higher standards.

i met my last boyfriend at when i was hospitalized in an in-patient unit. that should have been a warning sign. but i was vulnerable and he liked me and i kind of just went with it. he had borderline and a host of other issues. i felt like because we were in the in-patient unit together, he would understand and that it'd be a good match. i was wrong. for me, i have enough mental issues that i can't be propping another emotionally unstable person up. that's not to say i wouldn't be supportive and that any relationship i'm in wouldn't be 50/50 but i feel like the taking care of bit has to be more even. and when i was dating that guy w/ bpd and abandonment issues, i was constantly reassuring him that i loved him and wasn't going to go anywhere (opps...) it just got to be too much and after about a year, i ended it. since i knew he had abandonment issues, i tried to still be his friend, but it was weird for me because he'd always want to see me or go out and stuff. and eventually it got to the point where i had to block him from my phone and all my social media to just remove him from my life. he became toxic for me. that's just my experience (and that was also bpd not bp) and i'm sure other couples could make it work. but the timing (i mean... we meant in a mental institution...) and the match just wasn't right.

i wish i could say i love being single but i don't. i'm so afraid that i'm going to end up miserable and alone. i fight myself everyday to not unblock him and pick things up where they left off because i know that he'd go for it. but i try to remind myself that i want better for myself. i want the cliche fairy tale life where i'm happily married with the white picket fence and all that. i know. so cheesy.

as for disclosing your mental illness... i feel like that's up to you. i wouldn't blurt it out (ie: "hi! i'm nicole, i tried to kill myself last summer. what are your hobbies?") but i'd definitely tell the person fairly early... if i thought the relationship had some potential and if i trusted the person enough. if i didn't trust the person enough to tell him, i'd probably let him go.

If I was given the choice, relationship with someone who has mental illness or relationship with someone who doesn't, I would choose doesn't. That is because I wouldn't want mental illness to be the main thing we have in common, I would prefer it was just something in the background that is dealt with as best as possible and not the major focus of the relationship. I try not to give it too much authority. Having said that though, if I found out later that a girl I was in a relationship with suffered from mental illness, it wouldn't matter. Actually I think it would bring us closer together and would be nice to know we're in the same boat. I like to think I would be able to help her with it. But yeah, I wouldn't found a relationship on that connection... but that's just me

Going back to the whole desperate and dateless thing... I haven't had any sort of intimate relationship for about four years now!! I had a girlfriend (who did have some mental health issues incidentally) when we went to university. We went to different cities but still spent all our time together. It was a big change for both of us and I guess we were each others coping mechanism. It became self destructive though, we were basically just staying in bed all day getting high. What was originally a really good, fun and loving relationship had become pretty bad, I think we were both becoming more and more depressed inside our little bubble. We kept it going for a few months but eventually it had to end. We split and I traveled back to my city ****ed up in the head with no money (we had spent it all), no friends, and totally heartbroken. Things just went from bad to worse from there, with my bipolar disorder out of control and no support at all. I'm not sure how I survived it to be honest, apart from pure determination. I turned to my projects and my work and that has been my companion ever since. I decided that I would get myself sorted before even attempting to date again. Four years later and here I am....... lonely as ever! The positive side of the story is that as much as it hurt and did for a long time (I guess deep down it still does), I think we did the right thing. I managed to eventually get back on track with university and just graduated with a 1st. I've still got some issues but am a lot more stable now and focusing on the future. She now has a child which is what she always wanted really. I guess we both managed to get ourselves sorted I think in time things will be OK again. I just need to stay patient.

I say never give up on yourself and just because right here and now things aren't that great, doesn't mean that they won't be. Take steps in the right direction, you never know what is around the corner.

Update: I'm still single and dateless. Just not desperate, which I never was; it was just the title I came up with. In a crazy mood the other night I changed tactics all together and put myself on a SugarDaddy site. I do not know why. Maybe it's because I have always been in relationships with men who are bad with money and I've ended up subsidising their lifestyles and losing everything in the split. So I thought why not go for someone who is financially secure, who is saying they are the dominant sort. I'm usually the leader in a reltionship, not by choice but that's just how it's ended up. I thought it might be nice to try going out with someone where our roles are clearly defined. I don't know how much part of it was about being with someone to take care of me. I was feeling all alone at the time, and thought of having someone to care for me was an appealing one. I don't know how young these men want their sugarbabes, because I'm 39, so maybe they're looking for 21 year olds, who knows? I thought to a 50 year old man I'm still younger, so I'm not sure if anyone will be interested. I haven't had any replies yet. Not a good sign. Do you think after years of being the domineering one that I can turn into the submissive one, with the right man? And do you think it might be good for me? thoughts? nd no, I'm not just doing it to get a rich dude.

I've always been single, and I'm okay with that. Everyone my age seems to be in such a hurry to get into a relationship, which screams "desperate", which I am not. It will happen when and if it's supposed to. Good things come to those who wait.