Desperate & Dateless

It's so difficult trying to find someone who understands mental-health issues, let alone someone like that who'll accept those in someone whom they'd like, romantically.

I imagine one of the big reasons I'm single, is because of how I am.

My last ex was incredibly unstable, and I almost lost her, several times, so if I'm honest, I'm very, very, very hesitant about getting involved with someone who is in that way; I just cannot go through that, again.

Since I'm someone with stuff like OCD, anxiety issues, and depression, these are things with which I would relate, because I've had them for the majority of my life; I've also got a past of self-harm and suicidal thoughts/actions, so I could certainly understand those. I'm pretty understanding, but nowadays, ... let's just say that I've had a lot of time to put up a lot of barriers.

I wouldn't say I was desperate, but perhaps lonely, at times. The idea of a relationship scares the pants off me. (giggety) I've not been in a relationship since the aforementioned ex, which is now a couple of years or so, and I don't know if I even want to change that, anytime soon. I'm trying to work on other areas in my life, like getting a place of my own, working on my MH problems, and just trying to mend, I guess.

If I happened to find someone, I don't know, ... maybe I would feel/think differently and be more welcoming; it all comes down to how understanding, accepting, patient, and supportive they are, and whether I can get the balls to make myself vulnerable, again.

A while back, I went on a dating site or two - I guess I thought I was ready, and kid myself into thinking I could get back into the fray; how wrong I was. People on those sites don't want someone like us; they're too closed-minded, and I don't even want someone like that, ... hell no. I gave up, eventually, ... there was a couple of promising looking women, but I felt too insecure to "approach" them, either that or parts of their "profile" wouldn't have matched my problems, ... me being with someone who wants to travel the world, go out to clubs every night, and stuff like that, is just a crazy thought for someone with my problems.

So, thought I'd just share that, from someone in perhaps a similar boat.

They say "You'll find love when you stop looking". ¬_¬ Yeah, we'll see. *skeptical*

I haven't given up. I haven't even started. I don't even know where I am! haha

I have never dated like other people have. Just casually meeting people. I actually made a thread on the women focused support section asking people how they'd met their last boyfriend.. because I'm just curious how people meet people these days. It's hard to get out there and meet people!

Well.. I guess that's not actually true.. I went on one date. It was an absolute disaster. It was with someone I went out with from POF. HE DID NOT LOOK LIKE HIS PICTURE. And the whole date was just... omg. it just made me squirm it was so bad!
The conversation was horrible. He tried to touch me the whole time. It.. yeah. Just no.

I've been the girl that has been used to being unnoticed. For guys who did notice me.. I was an idiot. I used to be extremely religious and would not date anyone who was outside of my religion. Looking back I'm like.. wtf was I thinking?!

it was actually this year that I was actually open to dating. That's when I went on that awful blind date. Before that and after that... I casually saw someone. We were friends with benefits. But we both knew it wasn't going to go anywhere... him and I were both trying to repair ourselves and weren't ready to get into a relationship with anybody yet.


I don't know if I would date someone with mental illness. I don't think I would look for that. I think I would rather just look for a guy who is compassionate... understands the human condition.

If I date a guy, he will have to like me exactly the way I am. I ain't changing for nobody. I like myself a lot.

I also just think I'm so quirky that it would take a special kind of guy to get me. I can get really deep and philosophical. I don't know a lot of people that like to get that way. I can also be extremely playful. I haven't really met a guy who can just stumble upon to an intellectual conversation while talking about something as mundane as the weather.. but who can also be playful.

I don't know.

I do still hold hope that I'll meet him one day. I'LL MEET MY TRUE LOVE!

Maybe.

And if not.. I'm meant to be single. I've been in a controlling relationship before. And I will never ever go back to something like that. Ever.

I never really dated in a sense.

It depends on what you want out of them. A date? A friend? If I just plan to be friends I usually dont tell them I'm BP, this and that, etc until the topic comes up on its own, or until I do something weird. If i want to date them i tell them sooner. Theres not really a smooth way to tell someone things like this, so i just up and tell them. Ive had a lot of different reactions, but the people that would have worked out in the long run always accept it and move on. It weeds out people pretty quick.
I have no idea how my current relationship is working. My girlfriend is insanely tolerant of all my ****. If i do something way out of bounds I do my best to apologize.

Wow, nice to see this thread resurrected. When it was originally created in 2011 I had a wonderful man in my life, and I still do. Only we aren't together now. Physically it didn't work out because I was so scared of the reaction to my body and I have such self-esteem issues.

So he broke up with me. Fast forward 8 months later we still talk on the phone every night and have a wonderful friendship. But.....I still love him.

I have tried dating sites and trying to get to know other people, but I always comparing every one to him. There is no one like my Dave. I love him so much I am starting to realize. That's the worst part about being desperate and dateless, when you have someone you love and they don't love you back.

On a total side note, the guy I was seeing was named Dave too! I swear, after I was introduced to him and he made a move on me... I keep seeing the name Dave EVERYWHERE. It's so weird.

I did actually start a singles group on here but it didn't really go anywhere. I think it still exists. I got disheartened because everyone on here is from america.

Hey Neurontin. How'd you go looking up crazy people single sites?

Awww Anonymous. Wish you weren't anonymous and we could chat. Sorry you feel that way.

Sorry about your dx modelcarguy. Is it treatable?

I didn't ever think I'd hear someone tell me to listen to IT. In regards to what Ickle? How are you anyway chickybabe? How's life and your new career going?

Just to let you all know, I had a date arranged with a guy form work and I chickened out of it with a lame excuse. I could've re-scheduled it tonight but I haven't yet. I dunno if I wanna mix the whole work and play thing. Or whether I'm already just self-sabotaging it.

Maybe you could learn to love being single -- like this blogger:

Do We Need Magazines for Single People? Part 1 | Single at Heart

who desperately tries to convince herself that she doesn't want a mate!

I'm guilty of that, but I'm trying to change that attitude.

I thought it was good to love being single? You make it sound bad.

Im trying to meet someone to date also, but to me honest, I would hate to date someone like me, I cant stand myself 99% of the time.

I've never been on a date my whole life. I'd never get past the first impression stage either. No one wants to date me, but everyone keeps telling me how nice I am, how cute I am, etc.. etc... apparently it is not enough. Being lonely is definitely worse than being dead to me. I'd rather be dead than be lonely my whole life. I have tried nolongerlonely.com looking for people who have mental illnesses. There were about 8 people on it that were in my area, and they were all much older than me mind you, but I am not that picky. Messaged all of them. No response. I've been on a total of 4 dating sites now, and I have messaged probably about 100 women. I have not gotten a single response yet. It is an unbelievable nightmare. Sometimes I wonder if they are even receiving my messages. It seems very hopeless for me, I wonder if it is just this state that I live in... I may need to move somewhere that has more women.

I know (at least some of) the feeling, Sadley, ... a lot of "normal" women just don't wanna know people like us, ... it's funny, 'cause we tend to have our eyes OPEN more than some of the idiots out there.

Just sounds like feminist bravado to me. "i don't need no man", etc.

Why would you self - sabotage?

You wouldn't believe how many profiles I have seen saying such things. One that I've recently seen basically said that her dog and her lifestyle came first, so basically she's saying that men are worthless. Sometimes I wonder if women are having sex with their dogs because they seem to be SO in love with them, way more than people. It's like I want to date the woman not the dog. And no offense to animal lovers, I am one myself, I have a kitty cat [which earns a huge negative stigma since I'm a guy btw]. I love animals but I also know that they are just animals, not people.

I can understand the dog coming first during the first date when you don't know if things will work out with your prospective partner or something like that, just not once a relationship is established. Maybe that's what this profile means.

Well I am 38 and never had any popularity with women in regards to dating/relationships (got plenty of female friends though)..

I personally don't care, I am happy how I am, don't want a relationship.

All I know, and all I can tell you in regards to advice is that women like people with good self confidence, and a positive self image. Also if you have problems with social skills, you may need support/practice with that.

That's all I have to say.

You must be fooling yourself, then. No one can be truly happy alone. Humans are social and sexual creatures. It is our instincts. When you say that women like people with good confidence, self image, social skills, etc, I agree, but only in the sense that MOST women want this. Not ALL women want this. Some women are already confident by themselves and don't need the guy to be taking charge. Most women are of the phlegmatic personality type, so it does appear to us that ALL women want these things, but its not entirely true. I have met women in my life, one in particular in high school that I felt I really connected with, and she was confident, had good self-image, she was driven. I am the opposite, and opposites attract, so naturally I felt connected to her. While they are rare to find, there are women who are confident and don't need their mate to be. They take charge more than the man does. It is society that has imposed this huge image on us that women should be dominated by men, and controlled by men, and that the man takes charge in the relationship, but it is not all true. It is very very often true, but not always. Anyway, I'm suffering because it is EXTREMELY hard for a shy guy with no confidence and no self-esteem to find a girl. I need a controlling woman who will be the dominant one in the relationship. I had absolutely HORRIBLE social skills when I was in high school (well I still do), but she (the girl I was talking about) accepted me for who I was, I was quiet, sensitive, but understanding and easy-going. While I had horrible social skills, she took the time to listen to my soft-spoken voice to understand what I was saying. I asked her out on Valentine's day, but she said "but you didn't get me anything", which basically means, she wanted me to be a provider for her and I failed to do that. I haven't felt connected to anyone since.

Dude... guys with cats are WAY cool in my books. I think it makes them more special. They're my kind of people

And I'm sure other girls would feel the same!