Good news about my Mom

(((((((((((( Sabrina & Mom ))))))))))))))))

There are so many different thoughts and emotions that you are both going through right now. I know it's so difficult hon.

Hopefully when your mom is feeling a bit better and not so stressed over healing and going back to work, she'll be able to think a bit more clearly and decide to have more testing done. Right now she may be totally overwhelmed and just needs a break from all of it. It sounds natural to me that some folks go through this. I can understand it. But I know it's so hard for you sitting where you are and wanting nothing but the best for your mom. At the end of the day, it is her decision to make and the best you can do is be there to support her come what may. I know....not an easy position to be in now is it?

I've been in a similar boat with my mom when she had cancer as well. Just know that you have a right to vent, and to feel angry and scared. Please do your best self care hon so you can continue to be your mom's best advocate.

Back to work on Monday after a major surgery? That's awfully fast.

I agree! Her specialist approved her to go back to work but our GP was horrified and felt she should only go back in mid August. Either way, she has no sick or annual leave left and is in danger of losing her job. I am just hoping she won't be bombarded when she gets back as she has a stressful job.

Ugh, Mom's can be so aggrivating....but then so can the specialists. I know the cancer my mother had (different than your mom's) she had ignored until it was a stage 3+ & the tumor which was outside of her body was the size of my fist.....so she ignored it for a LONG time before doing anything about it. They had to do almost a year of chemo & radiation before determining whether the cancer was even going to be operable. After getting out of her surgery, I thought how arrogant it was of her oncologist to claim that "he got it all" even before any of the pathology tests came back. Her healing process never did happen. Within 5 months, we realized that the cancer had spread even though her oncologist was still claiming it hadn't. Less than 2 weeks later, they did the tests that proved that the cancer had spread to her lungs.

I'm thinking that it was basically her oncologist's way of telling her there wasn't anything more they could do for her....because in her thinking, she told me that she just knew that God has sent her this wonderful oncologist to "save her life" at the age of 80. I thought he was an arrogant chauvinist & he thought she was an "old fool".

Through the whole thing, I tried to get my mother to go to the specialists she needed & even took her to my own pain specialist to get as much help as possible. All we can do is support them even when we know they aren't being very wise about the whole situation.

In reality.....your mom said that all she was willing to do was have the surgery & if it was enough....great....otherwise, she wasn't going to have any other treatment. If the scan showed up anything.......she has already said that she won't have the chemo or the radiation......guess she thinks what's the point if she's not going to have the treatment anyway & refuses to be talked into it.....then it really doesn't matter what the scan's would show up.....that way she doesn't have to make any decisions either.

I'm sure it would be a good idea to talk about the scan possibility when she is feeling better but if she's already decided not to have treatment, by not having the scans, then she doesn't have to make that decision if by chance they would find cancer.

GRRRRR, like I said, mothers can be so aggrivating.....maybe that's pay back for the aggrivation we've been to our mom's.

I'm thinking that lung cancer is quite different from the cancer my mother had (vulvar cancer....a very slow growing skin cell cancer squamous cell).

Yes, my aggrivation with my mother started with her treatments when I wanted to go with her & be able to ask the questions I knew my mother was incapable of asking or even knowing to ask. She didn't want me asking the oncologist questions because "it took his attention away from her".......so I let her have her way also even though I didn't want to. She had the illogical concept that the "Dr would tell her everything she needed to know" What she didn't take into consideration was how the oncologist really saw her & what he thought of her & didn't tell her the true reality of her condition. My situation was such a huge mess, I just pray that no mess like that will happen with your mother......unfortunately, we end up supporting them no matter what & yet end up feeling completely helpless & sometimes just internally, angry at everyone involved for the stupid way everyone has of handling situations as serious as that.

I can definitely understand your frustration......but I can still understand the complete support even when they drive our frustration level beyond it's reasonable level.

Monday is soon. How's your mom?
Any contingency plans?

Roadie

No contingency plans in place other than that if it is too overwhelming for her or causing her pain, that she"ll come home. I hope. Her biggest worry at the moment is that she still can't wear a bra as it hurts too much. She is so self conscious about that. She has a flowy wrap that I suggest she wears over her work clothes.

((((((((((((((( Sabrina and mom ))))))))))))))))

My Mom was due back at work yesterday. She managed about 7 hours then came home. She did not go to work today as her pain was severe. I suspect a mental obstacle as well. I have managed to convince her she needs to see the Doc about her pain levels which seem abnormally high. I think she'll take the rest of the week off and try again next Monday.

I hate to say good because that means your mother is still hurting a lot....but I'm glad that she's taking more time off to heal.

She really needs to have the scan to make sure they really did get the cancer.....but then with her stubornness & not being willing to do anything if they were to find anything......it would put more pressure on her decisions if they were to find anything.

She did have major surgery.....I know that when my mother had her cancer surgery, she was 80 & not thinking wisely anyway....but she thought that the surgery would be a piece of cake just like her hysterectomy.....problem was...it was a lot more major & her incision never did heal.....but think that was more because of all the radiation & all the lymph nodes they took out also which caused a whole other set of lymphedema problems.

It's frustrating when they refuse to recognize the seriousness & the extent of the surgery that they have gone through & then when the surgeons minimize the surgery, that doesn't help either.....makes it harder on those of us who are left there to care & to encourage......I sure you are feeling a whole level of frustration in this whole thing also.

So sorry your mom's in such a lot of pain, but at the same time glad she's resting. Hope the Dr is able to alleviate her pain s to you and (((mom)))

Hopefully your mom will take the rest of the week off, She needs to rest by the sounds of it and she has gone back to work too soon, Hopefully her doctor will sign her off and her employer will understand do you think?

Thinking of you over there.

That is wonderful news that she is cancer free!!! I hope her pain subsides soon, and I will continue to keep her in my prayers.

You two just hug & stay together in this, doing your best. Your mom communicates with her boss?

Roadie

Yes, Mom has good communication with her boss. They have been very understanding to date but I am worried because Mom has no sick or annual leave left. They are going to make her take unpaid leave which she can't afford to do.

But it is simply too early for her to be back at work. Despite her pain levels she is still extremely lethargic and tired all the time. A simple drive to the store wears her out completely. She has aged 10 years with this whole process.

Anyway, we have a doctor's appointment this afternoon to address the pain level and to change the pain meds. I had to make the appointment myself otherwise Mom would not have.

Moms are not moms to themselves, are they? Most are stubborn that way ...

Well, yes! She cancelled again! Says she can't drive and that she's too sore. I haven't got anyone to drive her but it doesn't make any difference when she refuses to go anyway.

She is crying to me that she is scared and doesn't know what is happening to her and I'm afraid that I was a little tough with her saying that if she didn't keep canceling she could get help.

There is something else that I haven't spoken about but I'm afraid my Mom is drinking copious amounts every night. And I think that is why she is avoiding doctors. When she was in hospital, she couldn't drink!

I am very frustrated and worried and feel that I will lose my Mom anyway because of her self destructive behavior.

Drinking on top of pain meds? She must be in terrible pain to want to do that. I am at a loss for suggestions, except maybe you could call her drs and let them know how bad it's gotten.

You were right to do a little "tough love". She has to take the responsibility of getting herself to the drs. Can you go with her in a taxi, maybe?

Oh your poor mom. She must be so scared. Does she really need to see the doctor in his office? Will all he do is talk to her? something he could do on the phone perhaps? Perhaps you can discuss all this with the doctor to see if there is something that could be worked out...? If she really needs to go in, where I live they have this service called medicab. The driver will pick up the person and walk them to the doctor's office and when going home and will walk them to their house. the medicab here tacks on $5 on top of the regular fare for the service. I know cab rides are very expensive though...

Oh, Sabrina ...
And from experience I know how that drinking courage evaporates into only greater fear.
Your poor, dear mom. And you! Now I'm wishing more than ever there were a bridge to South Africa.
What to do ...
What to do ...
I promise you, I'll be thinking about this.
Roadie

((((Sabrina))))

How is mom today?

How is your mom doing Sabrina?

My Mom is doing well enough. She is back at work this week even though she was booked off till next Monday. She is still in pain but it seems manageable with her new pain meds. I'm actually glad that she is back at work now. She can now try to piece her life back together.

I'm so glad to hear this, Sabrina. What we talked about earlier has continued to be on my mind, but I've come up with nothing. Some problems, I think, have only inside solutions--& I think that's one of those.

I hope being back at work is part of what she needs to get a good perspective on what makes it all work for her.

Roadie

((((((((((((((( Sabrina ))))))))))))))))