[choocha]

I'd like to hear from others who are single and have mental health issues, + anyone else with any useful advice please. I became single after my diagnosis of BP & BPD & BDD , & I haven't hardly dated at all since. Actually, it's been about 2 years now since I dated. I always lie & say I have a boyfriend, yet I'm dying inside from loneliness & lack of intimacy.

How do you tell a "normal" person you have BP? How much do you tell them? When do you tell them? Do you even have to tell them? Or can someone please tell me if there's an active dating scene/group for sufferers of mental illness? I'd love to date a man with BP etc, because he'd totally understand. Are there any hot BP men out there? How could I expect a "normal" man to understand or cope?

I'd also like to know how BP people in couples make it work?

If there are any single men on here who wish to get to know an interesting Australian woman, shout out.

[jitters]

Originally Posted by choocha

Or can someone please tell me if there's an active dating scene/group for sufferers of mental illness? I'd love to date a man with BP etc, because he'd totally understand.

This is something I've been wondering as well. I get overwhelmed and exhausted very easily and need a lot of down time in my relationships, which pretty much precludes having a normal dating life. I would love to find a guy who is depressed, e.g., and could relate to that frequent need for respite from the world and everyone in it.

If a dating site like that doesn't exist, maybe someone here could create it :-)

[pinkjellyfish]

You're so right. Ever since being diagnosed, I'm more afraid to get into any kind of relationship because I've been with so many guys who sadly deny that mental illnesses exist. No more of those, please.

[choocha]

Originally Posted by jitters

This is something I've been wondering as well. I get overwhelmed and exhausted very easily and need a lot of down time in my relationships, which pretty much precludes having a normal dating life. I would love to find a guy who is depressed, e.g., and could relate to that frequent need for respite from the world and everyone in it.

If a dating site like that doesn't exist, maybe someone here could create it :-)

I might be wrong but I think there may be a bit of a femal:male imbalance here. We'd be *****-fighting for the available males hehehe

[jitters]

Originally Posted by choocha

I might be wrong but I think there may be a bit of a femal:male imbalance here. We'd be *****-fighting for the available males hehehe

I think I smell a new reality show ;-)

[choocha]

Would be great reality show, if we could get over our neuroses to do it.

I hear you. I don't think most guys would understand me, I too feel like I need to date someone who's walked this path. I'm craving a relationship and closeness so bad right now, but I'm also wary to enter into something while I'm feeling so unstable... Sucks to be forever alone, though

[Raindropvampire]

Once I was diagnosed I was always very upfront with potential BFs. At the end of the second date if I thought there was going to be a 3rd I'd tell them. I'd say hey this is what I have, it's me and now's your chance to run or you can stay and get to know a great albeit crazy woman. I also offered to answer any questions they had about it. Surprisingly I didn't have many who bolted. Don't know if it's just the type of guy I pick or what. Also the ones who stayed I was upfront on how I present when I'm having a bad time and told them just know it can be hard to deal with but it does pass.

Fast forward to my married life: My hubby just recently had his diagnosis changed from BP to Schizophrenic. He also has PTSD from SEVERE childhood abuse of all kinds and has night terrors stemming from the abuse. I will be the first to admit sometimes his crazy and mine collide but we have talked extensively about what to do at these times. When possible we just walk away and try to calm down. We are also very conscientious about keeping Pdoc appointments and taking our meds.

I hope this helps someone or offers some hope that there are good understanding guys out there.

My husband is sane and I am the mental one He has always understood me and supported me, I think it depends on the guy you meet, My husband knew about my problems form the start although I just had mild depression back then.No I have BPD,PTSD,Depression, If the person is decent he will stick by you.

[modelcarguy]

If you do find such a dating site, let me know. Tried a relationship in '09, she stole a bunch of stuff and ran off. Tried another this past summer and she had more problems than I have. Guess I am an odd guy or something. I want to find a female friend for companionship but they all stereotype men as after one thing only. A fully platonic relationship would be fine with me at this point. I have pretty much given up on trying.

[Fresia]

I approach relationships now looking for companionship and see where they lead, not just assuming this WILL be a BF at some point. This could just become a potential friend, partner, or technical BF; it may go one way or another. So in that respect, it depends on the person, how close I feel, what their values and morals are, how trustworthy they are, if the MI issues are important to develop the relationship with sharing more of myself, and then these things will help me to determine whether I can share my MI issues with them at some point.

There is no set time; it really depends on the person and where the relationship is. It takes time to get to know someone to know if sharing will be helpful or harmful, whether it be a friend or even an actual BF, and even then there is no way to tell how someone will react. However, getting to know someone is important in general when dating and like anyone, everyone has their issues that are not always shown upfront but at some point, BP just happens to be my baggage that comes with me. I want them to get to know me before any possible stigmatized label enters into the picture. I may tell at some point when feel the timing is right, if I feel I can trust them and it is appropriate. It may never get to that point. There are some gems that it sharing was the right thing to do.

My experience with two people dating with BP as you asked about: I dated someone who also was diagnosed with BP once and it worked well in that we understood where each other was coming from. Where it did not work so well was that our moods were triggering for the other. One could argue that this is the case for any relationship, but it was a little more extreme. In the end it did not work out because we had different goals in life for a family, but it worked otherwise.

I wish you well in dating. It can be a mindfield but a lot of fun getting to know new people. Have a lot of good friends that have come from it. Good luck!

[Neurontin]

Originally Posted by choocha

If there are any single men on here who wish to get to know an interesting Australian woman, shout out.

Lol

...Ups and downs of BP...yeah I totally understand...To all the questions you asked..I wish I could shed some light on that but believe its up to the individual to answer. I havent been in a relationship in so long I wouldnt know what to say...I would feel arkward unless....like you said they have had a similar experience.....Good luck on your search for intimacy...Im a searcher as well....Peter

[Neurontin]

Great post I just read all the post and Im going on a web search for mental illness and dating site...lol hehehehehhe...Great thread

[choocha]

Thanks for your response xo

Originally Posted by choocha

Or can someone please tell me if there's an active dating scene/group for sufferers of mental illness?

Very interesting. There are dating sites for all sorts of subcultures, why not one for the mentally ill? Have you heard of meetup groups? There are meetup groups for specific mental illnesses, but they're not for dating, although people do use meetup groups for this reason.

If there are any single men on here who wish to get to know an interesting Australian woman, shout out.

Right here.

I'll pick you up at 8pm tomorrow, I know a place which cooks the most succulent ferret of all time.

The most well known dating site for the mentally ill is http://www.nolongerlonely.com/

I don't know if it's working though, as it won't load for me.

I definitely feel desperate and dateless all the time; it's terrible .

My last relationship was 4 years ago and I have been alone since then. Whenever I attempt a date or to meet a woman, I never meet her a second time, because she disappears off the Earth and will never respond to my messages. I never make it past first impressions. Yet I am told I am an incredible individual, smart, worthy, and lovable, and I am like, "Yeah right!" Here I spend most of the day talking to myself because I have nobody to talk to and I am rejected whenever around a woman, but I am awesome and lovable…

Although I feel like it's worst than death to have nobody in my life and have no intimacy, I feel like I've reached the point that I believe I am unlovable and that there is no woman that can feel like this for me.

Feels horrible to be alone so much but I feel like there is nothing that I can do. I have so many mental health issues it's hard to tell where one begins and the other ends…Asperger's Syndrome, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder, Major Depressive Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Borderline Disorder, argh.

I feel like love and relationships are a dead end for me and that I am too defective to be loved .

[modelcarguy]

Originally Posted by Mr. Venomous

I definitely feel desperate and dateless all the time; it's terrible .

My last relationship was 4 years ago and I have been alone since then. Whenever I attempt a date or to meet a woman, I never meet her a second time, because she disappears off the Earth and will never respond to my messages. I never make it past first impressions. Yet I am told I am an incredible individual, smart, worthy, and lovable, and I am like, "Yeah right!" Here I spend most of the day talking to myself because I have nobody to talk to and I am rejected whenever around a woman, but I am awesome and lovable…

Although I feel like it's worst than death to have nobody in my life and have no intimacy, I feel like I've reached the point that I believe I am unlovable and that there is no woman that can feel like this for me.

Feels horrible to be alone so much but I feel like there is nothing that I can do. I have so many mental health issues it's hard to tell where one begins and the other ends…Asperger's Syndrome, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder, Major Depressive Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Borderline Disorder, argh.

I feel like love and relationships are a dead end for me and that I am too defective to be loved .

I understand how you feel as that is where I am right now. I have given up on ever dating again. I have not been able to get a first date so no idea what having a second date would even be like. Now I have been diagnosed with cancer so guess my life will end as a single..

[modelcarguy]

Originally Posted by Illegal Toilet

The most well known dating site for the mentally ill is http://www.nolongerlonely.com/

I don't know if it's working though, as it won't load for me.

I just registered there so it is working now.

Originally Posted by Neurontin

Great post I just read all the post and Im going on a web search for mental illness and dating site...lol hehehehehhe...Great thread

http://psychcentral.com/resources/Re...Online_Dating/

[ickle.Arnav]

You know, choochers, I would listen to IT.

[Leed]

After my husband died, I dated a few times -- I have severe depression and am on meds, but they don't always work like they should. I've never told anyone that I have a "mental illness." Maybe I should have but I didn't.

Guess I figured THEY'D figure it out themselves. LOL

[IowaFarmGal]

I gave up on dating concluding I'm more stable without a relationship. My son's father still calls once in a while to update me on medical problems mostly. I was asked out once several years ago and was so suprised I didn't know what to say. Politely declined though after finding out his personal quirks got him in trouble with the law to the point of being on the local news.

[User_0]

I've Read Almost Everything Y'all Have Posted, And Even Though I'm Only 14 And In A Kinda Relatinship, I Would Date All Of You (Women). You All Sound Like Wonderful People That I Wish I Could Meet.

[choocha]

Hey everyone. Just to update you all. I'm still desperate and dateless. Still hoping to find love some day. I've tried finding support groups where I live to meet similar people but none exist. And nearly everyone I connect with on PC lives in the USA. So I need to find someone who wants to move to australia, or wants to move me and my pets over there hehe.