[winterglen]

Why is it that the people who want success, glory, and admiration the most are the ones that don't get it?

Why is it that the people who do get success, glory, and admiration don't even have to try very hard to get it? They can just "be themselves" and everyone just showers them with adoration.

Meanwhile I do everything I can to hide my greedy and self-centered personality from other people but I'm not a good actor. People can tell I'm selfish and insincere. And despite everyone recommending I stop trying to be something I'm not, the fact is that if I don't try, I won't get very far in life.

And meanwhile, I'm a bit angry that many people don't even have to try to be pleasant and intelligent and capable because they are naturally that way, and they criticize people like me for being phonies or egomaniacs for trying so hard to get what comes to them so. . . . freaking . . . easily.

I'd love to feel as pure and successful as they feel.

Why is it so wrong to want to be liked and accepted?

[turbomon]

Quite a thing to ponder over... Good post...

[cool09]

In Western Culture life is distorted. Priorities are way out-of-order. Christian people don't even agree on how to live life or what the Bible says/means. USA economy is based on consumerism. People don't realize that it's not about putting yourself ahead of others. There are successful people in the Country that are good people for the most part. ie. Donald Trump acknowledges good acts when he sees them, he gives to Charity and he contributes to the good of the Community. For the most part neurosis (ie. individual insecurity) is a huge problem in the West.

[Jan1212]

I'm just wondering about specific people and situation that you are referring this to.

Is your defintion of success, popularity? I'm sure people go through difficulties internally and maybe they just don't show it. People all over the world have different personality types, and successful people have all kinds of personalities

Don't let the criticism stop you from achieving your personal goals, they can say whatever they want, but if you let them stop you, it won't help.

People want to feel good about themselves. You can compliment them and ask questions, and they'll feel more inviting

[winterglen]

cool09 -- I didn't know that about Donald Trump. I don't really hear much good things about him, but I like him much better now that I've learned about his charity contributions.

You're right about some of the problems of western society. Another thing about it that is really f-ed up is that we are taught that we shouldn't have to try very hard to get people to like you. Making friends is supposedly very easy if you are a good enough person, and if you have any trouble making friends, then you're weird or flawed.

Jan1212 -- What I want most is to become a successful writer. What I also want is to become a "naturally" good person so I can be assured I'll have a good future. And I want to behave perfectly so I won't give anyone any reason to say anything bad about me.

I realize how selfish this all sounds: wanting everything for myself. I would like to share with others, but right now I feel like I have to struggle to get every bit of goodwill for myself; there's no way I can give any of it away to someone else. I feel like basically I'm a black hole that is trying to suck up all the love and sympathy I can get, and there's never enough. Kindness and compassion feel like luxuries that I can't afford.

I'm sorry. I know my values are wrong, that I should want to share with other people, but I have so much trouble trying to save myself from the horrible future that I'll have if I don't get more control over myself.

Thank you for your replies.

[Jan1212]

THat's a totally normal feeling, your values can never be wrong, they are yours. Hey if you ahve trouble making friends, I wouldn't say you are flawed but I would think of it as; you are just in the wrong place. There are many types of people, introverts and extroverts etc. I go through many just to find 1 friend and most times I lose contact with them. Yes.. unfortunately, people will not like your views, opinions, or even you, but many more will like you and your views. I can't make everyone like me, and I can't stop people from hating me - I accept that now and it toook me a long time. You are not selfish; everyone wants to be happy and it's good for you and eventually good for everyone around you. If you're struggling internally, please give yourself all the time and effort you need until you feel good about yourself, because to give to others, you first need to give to yourself. Life is a work in progress, you have bad days and you have good days.

[eskielover]

The thing is that if you don't reflect good feelings toward others, they are not going to feel good feelings about you. You may poo hoo the golden rule, but "do unto others what you would have them to do you"....is a much better place to start living your life.

People can sense whey your life is all about you.....& they will tend to stay away because other people don't want to be sucked dry by people like that....even though it may not be the way you are....sometimes the way we come across is the way people think of us as & when we come across as having a negative attitude & a self-centered....I have to fight for my own way in life way.....people are not going to be drawn to that kind of personality...except for others who are also like that......& it can be a pretty miserable life living it that way.

Caring for others while also being careful with the caring......brings more caring people into our own lives......it's about being sincere rather than phoney in living one's life.....& that is definitely something that others are quite aware of when they choose who they want to be around.

[Fluttrbye]

You might consider the cause to be this:

SELF-FULFILLING PROPHECY
Any positive or negative expectation about circumstances, events, or people that may affect a person's behavior toward them in a manner that causes those expectations to be fulfilled.

An employer who, for example, expects the employees to be disloyal and shirkers, will likely treat them in a way that will elicit the very response he or she expects.