Feeling so ugly

I didn't always feel this way. I wasn't a good looking kid, but by the time I hit high school I started to blossom. Always a thin person, I never had to worry about my weight until the past few years.

Now, at 39, I'm officially FAT. Like 70 pounds overweight. My once lovely face is now hideous. It makes me afraid to go places where I'll see people who knew me when I was thin.

My boyfriend will tell me I'm not ugly, but he doesn't really go further than that. Occasionally he says I'm pretty, but it's rare. The fact that we haven't had sex in almost nine months makes me feel even worse about myself.

I don't know how to not feel ugly. Overweight women can be stunning, but I'm just not one of them. Why can't I feel like my great personality is enough to make me attractive?

I don't know what to do. :-(

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I don't understand people or attraction. No one has ever been attracted to me but my husband, as far as I know.

However, when I go for an intense swim, I can see that my face looks fantastic afterwards and the next day also. I pee a gallon afterwards (sorry for TMI) so I think all the pumping moves fluids out of the body. Less puffy looking. Accounts for nicer looking face, in part. I'm not thin, either, by far. Maybe you'd like to try swimming. It can feel good, too.

The sex thing might not be about you. Your bf is also getting older and probably more stressed, I would guess. Anyway, people's desires change over time. Have you talked with him about it?

So are you the only one that thinks you're ugly? Often this is purely personal perception and not based on how the world views you.

Also, I agree with H3rmit that what's going on with your boyfriend may be all him and have nothing to do with you (like depression or stress or something).

Personally, I'm betting you're quite pretty and your perception of your appearance is entirely only your own view.

It may just be me thinking I'm ugly, but I don't know how to stop it. I'll bring this up with my therapist next week. It's really bothering me!

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How has your self-esteem been lately? If you aren't feeling good about your accomplishments or yourself, it's easy for it to roll into feeling unattractive. You might also want to talk about that as well worth your therapist.

i think everyone has thoughts like this from time to time.....please remember your thoughts are not always true...being overweight does not make you ugly it makes you human.....plan a special evening with your bf and suggest the two of you try something new in the bedrrom...use your imagination.....stay strong

We've talked a little about my self esteem, which is at rock bottom right now. Unfortunately, she'll be leaving the practice in a few weeks, which doesn't give us much time. :-(

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I don't think body size determines attractiveness. One thing that tends to irk me quite a bit is when people say "fat-and-ugly" as if it's all one word. Being one does not equal being the other. People can have extra weight on them and be gorgeous, while I've also known some butt-ugly people who are very thin! The ideal image fluctuates from generation to generation. Lillian Russell was considered a beauty queen in her time, and she was a 200-pounder.

I have considered myself unattractive at times also, but in all honesty I'm not. If I'm in the 51st percentile as far as beauty goes, then I'm "prettier than most," right? Chances are, this at least applies to you too. Confidence is the biggest factor. A change in confidence can lead to a great change in appearance. I think Susan Boyle looks a lot better now than when she first started out, and I think much of that is the boost in confidence. She probably has had some professional guidance with her grooming and personal appearance, but elevated confidence is what gives a person the push to take care of those things.

I have no idea what you do look like, but I'm betting you are basically attractive and that you don't actually look like, for example, the pig people from the Twilight Zone. Let confidence and self-esteem give you the push to take care of yourself, and that alone will do wonders for your looks. I say this from experience, because when I really hated myself and thought I looked hideous, my gloomy expression, lack of smile, eyes that didn't shine, and hair that wasn't brushed caused me to not look as good.

Soooo much emphasis is placed on how a person looks. I hear ppl mention having a pretty face but this to me means nothing...it doesn't take someone special to be good looking, you are just born that way! Anyway, even with the weight, you can still look 'attractive' to other ppl with sheer confidence! To me, someone that looks confident (not arrogant) is damn well sexy! It's all in your swagger! My only concern with the weight thing is your health. If it wasn't for your health, I would say really, WHO CARES!?!? But your health is important. For now though, concentrate on what makes YOU, you! You are still the same person you was when you was thin, you just look different now is all. PLEASE love yourself for who are, not what you look like. And your bf not having sex with you may have nothing to do with your weight. Please talk to him about it. If you can't talk, maybe write him a letter. The important thing here is you open a line of communication.

I am not going to tell you you are probably are pretty because I don't know that you are but my point here is, IT SHOULDN'T MATTER! The only thing you should worry about looking pretty is your character.

Right, I forgot to address the sex issue. There are many, many possible reasons, and most if not all of them would have to do with him. Low testosterone. Medication. Depression. Exhaustion. Diabetes, or some other condition that interferes with circulation. Any number of things, but not the OP's attractiveness.