[Maven]

Don't feel obligated to read or respond to this post. I just gotta tell someone (ok, so I actually do hope people at least read it). I'm sick of living in this trashy house. My OCD makes cleaning it up extremely difficult, and my being fat and out-of-shape only makes it worse. I keep trying to talk to my boyfriend about it (the mess is not all because of me), but I hardly see him long enough to have a conversation. He hangs out in his office, he's out driving or working, or he's in bed.

I just want my room cleaned up, so I can get the computer I bought in January up and running, so I can write! (Publishers don't take hand-written manuscripts.) I've reluctantly decided to put my books in storage to make more room in my room. I can't lift the plastic totes myself, plus they need to be dusted with Clorox Wipes. (That's my OCD there.) I don't think my boyfriend can lift them, either, but he doesn't want anyone to see the house (understandably). He won't set a date. When I told him (many days ago) I'd like it done before he goes on vacation (July 3 - July 12), he seemed to think that wouldn't happen. And it won't.

I want to scream and cry. If I could at least get writing, then I have hope to change my life. Right now I'm stuck. I'm sick of the fleas (from the cats), ants, and flies (not a lot of flies, but just a few are annoying). Oh, and spiders.

I don't have much room on my bed. That's supposed to be part of the cleanup of my room. My OCD complicates everything (and so does my panic disorder). I'm going insane in this mess. If my room was cleaned out, I could keep it that way, because I'd have more room to do it.

I just feel helpless, and my boyfriend has his own problems. He's late on some bills (including one that affects MY credit score), money is dwindling, and is talking about taking some more of his shrinking retirement funds. I don't know what to do, but I can't keep this up. No, I don't mean I'm suicidal; I'm not. I just mean something has to change.

Anyway, thanks for listening.

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[Angelique67]

Except for the boyfriend and OCD I'm in the same boat. The mess is driving me crazy and I'm physically unable to do anything about it by myself. I'm also waiting for my friend to help me with it and I really hope that will be soon. Good luck.

[Crazy Hitch]

[lizardlady]

Originally Posted by Hooligan

What a sweet pic Hooligan.

Maven I understand not wanting anyone to the mess. Because of health problems I have I crash when I come home from work each night. My house is a disaster. I hate having anyone come in. I know you have money problems, but could you pay someone to come in an clear some of the clutter for you and wipe things down as they go? Maybe a student or young person from your neighborhood? If you could at least get your bedroom straightened you could keep it that way yourself.

[Maven]

Thanks, guys. As long as they'd do it according to my OCD rules, I'd love to hire someone to clean for me. Problem is, it's my boyfriend's house, and he won't go for that. Most times I bring up my thoughts on how to do it, he ignores me, doesn't say anything, or he gets irritated with me. I know he's got a lot of pressure on him, but I could try to earn some money if my room were cleaned up. Also, I love my phone, but it is very limited, compared to a computer.

It isn't as simple as "wipe things down as they go," but I don't think it'll be as bad as my boyfriend probably thinks. Some things will have to be covered, but it's all do-able, to me. The whole house needs cleaning. I'm just asking for my room. It's not very big.

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[Maven]

Angelique, I hope your friend helps you soon. It's really stressful to live this way, and it's humiliating for anyone to see.

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[Angelique67]

Originally Posted by Maven

Angelique, I hope your friend helps you soon. It's really stressful to live this way, and it's humiliating for anyone to see.

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Thank you, Maven. It truly is. I feel like I'm buried alive. It would be a miracle to live in an uncluttered and clean space.

[LucyD]

I empathize with you. I can't get everything cleaned that needs cleaning at home either. I hope somehow you can find a way to get your needs met. I know it is hard living that way.

[Maven]

On top of everything, I lost my debit card yesterday. I had plans to spend some of the money this week, and now I don't know what will happen. In the morning, I'll probably have them cancel the card, then have to wait who knows how long for a new card. I'm sure I lost it at the movie theater, not in the movie rooms, because I didn't see a movie, I just bought some popcorn and a soda. It was at the concession stand. That was the only place I used the card. I didn't know it was missing until I was in Walmart paying for an item and found the card missing. I left my name and number at the theater, but it's looking like I'll have to cancel the card. Seriously, I don't need this.

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[Angelique67]

How is everything going now, Maven?

[Maven]

Thanks for asking! To be honest, it's not going far. I bought a storage unit, but nothing's been taken over there yet. My boyfriend says he'll do a little at a time, but I am so sick of waiting, I just want it done and over with! My sister said if neighbors saw us taking totes (or bins or boxes, whatever you prefer to call them) and then lots of trash out of the house, they might call the city and get us in trouble. I don't want to wait for months! My computer was brand new in January, and I still can't get it set up! If anything's wrong with it or if it's missing anything, I will have to pay for that. Everyone tells me to wait, but my life and opportunities are passing me by. And the fleas are driving me batty!

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I apologise in advance to anyone, including the moderators, if this post is inappropriate.

In the UK, there is a scheme where people with autism are employed by a charity to help people with OCD to tidy or organise their CDs or book collections or houses. It's overseen and managed properly, it's not a scam. The idea is that the person with autism has great attention to detail so is better at following instructions from the person with OCD than a NT, and gets meaningful work which is paid. The OCD person not just gets their chores done, but in such a way that they are relaxed, because their needs are clearly understood and followed. Both are supported by either therapists or outreach workers. People are matched on a database and if one job is successful, they get the chance to work with that person more, and swap tasks. Like the autistic person might want advice on writing a blog.

Is there such a scheme in the USA?

[Angelique67]

I am in a similar situation. My friend was going to help me clear out my place but now it looks like be might be having a change of plans. Still, I'm hoping maybe he might pay to hire packers and movers for me if not an organizer. The landlord knows the condition of things in here so at least I don't have the additional pressure of having to hide that. I'm very impatient to change this place and I feel desperate about it.

Sorry the news isn't better on your end. I wouldn't worry about the neighbors seeing things being moved or thrown out, it's just a cleaning effort. I hope you'll have some progress on your place being made soon!

[Maven]

Little Cat, I don't know of anything like that in the US. But I'll do some Googling after I respond to these messages. Thanks for mentioning it.

Angelique, I'm sorry your friend bailed on you. I know exactly how you feel, impatient and desperate. My boyfriend told me to go buy the storage unit, but he hasn't started taking the totes/bins/boxes/plastic containers over there. He's working tomorrow, and I'd hoped to go out Sunday, but I'm willing to give it up to get things done. However, I don't think he is going to do this. Next week I have a convention to go to, but that's for one day (the con is all weekend, but we won't be going everyday it's running). Then the weekend after that, he's going away for a week. He works all week, so I don't know when he's going to do it.

If there's anything wrong or missing with my computer, it's going to be me who has to pay for it, because they're not going to fix any situation that I didn't know I had since January.

I want to cry all the time, but I rarely find myself able to cry these days. It's been like that for a couple years. My sister said that could be caused by my meds. In any case, I want to cry.

I wish we'd all win the lottery, and can buy new homes and how people to clean the places we live now. A fresh start, you know? Probably not going to happen, but one can dream.

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[possum220]

Sorry to hear that your are still in limbo Maven. I wouldn't be worried about putting a garbage bag out every day. Just doing a small amount each day will add up. Somedays I just have to kick myself in the butt just to get one thing done. Once I start I get encouraged by the headway and can do more. Even opening a drawer to start with clothes is a big deal. Do you think your sister could give you some moral support?

I also saw a program in the UK that had people with OCD come and help people who
hoarded to clean their homes. It was really unusual to see that one persons disability turn into help for another one. Here is a link to just one of the places that got cleaned. there are so many more.

If there isn't anything in the US maybe you could be one of the organisers. I dunno. Just a thought.

[Maven]

The problem is, it's not as simple as picking up a little trash here, a little trash there. The moment I touch the trash, I am "contaminated" and will have to shower. That may not sound hard, but when you have OCD and rituals to perform, plus you're obese, it's just exhausting to even think about. And by disturbing the trash, it sends dust into the air. I need to get the clean and/or protected stuff out first as much as possible. Then I will be much more ok with diving in to the cleaning. Ideally, I'd have one of those suits that cover you head to toe, like you sometimes see on those hoarding shows.

My sister lives in Kentucky (I'm in New Jersey) and has health issues. She's hinted that I need to stop going out each day to save the money, but going out keeps me sane. I'm so depressed at home. I have cats and kittens who jump on me, wanting attention (which I try to give, but it's like I can't just sit and relax), and when I touch them, I need to wash my hands, and any other body parts that come in contact with them. I love them dearly, but OCD takes so much out of me.

I couldn't organize for other people. I'm not able to go into just anybody's home, and I'm not comfortable with others in mine (and since it's my boyfriend's house, he won't let me, anyway).

I found a company that helps hoarders, and they try to keep it private, by not having their company's name on their trucks and other things. They say they work with the hoarder and try to help them deal with it. I want to contact them, but I know my boyfriend will refuse. This company says they can usually get the work done in a day! I'm not totally comfortable to use them, but I think it's probably the best option.

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[possum220]

That sounds like a very claustrophobic way to be live. Maybe you could stay at home on a daily basis if the cleaning people just clean up your room without touching the house. Do the cleaning company offer some type of psychological support?

Could you suggest to your b/f that he hasn't found the time to help you and that you understand but you need help with one room. If the cleaners can do it in one day - even if just takes them a couple of hours to do one room - then you will have some room. Do the cleaning company have any suggestions for a agency to help you move?

Being able to use your computer would be one enormous pay off. One lil step at a time Maven. You can do this.

Just wondering if it was time to bite the bullet and move out to a new place? Start fresh so to speak. Something is going to give and I hope it isn't you.

Sending hugs to a safe/clean place for you.

[Maven]

You're right, Possum. It's very claustrophobic. My bed is covered with stuff, and there's only space to sleep on my left side. The right side is more risky of falling out of bed. That's a major OCD issue, not to mention the risk of injury.

I don't think my boyfriend will go for them just cleaning my room (and I wonder, if they see the house, would they report it to the city?), but I'm going to ask. It would be nice to have the rest of the house done, but I'd be happy with my room being clean.

That said, the storage unit is about the size of my room. Maybe I should just move in there! It's a new unit, never used! Lol!

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[Maven]

Oh, I didn't finish my reply, sorry. I'd love to move, but I don't have the money. I don't even know what bills I need to be concerned about, and my boyfriend messed up my credit rating (I never should have signed onto CareCredit, but it was decided in a moment, before I had any chance to think about it) by being late with payments.

I think the company does help in finding treatment. I am confident I won't ever let it get this way again, but I'm not saying I would turn down the therapy.

My problem isn't hoarding, I don't think, because I can control myself in spending if I want to. While I do have a lot of books, I have seriously cut down my purchases. If my computer were up, I'd be too busy writing to shop. Ok, I'm never too busy to shop, but you know what I mean.

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