Self Acceptance

i just thought I'd start a conversation about self acceptance What does it mean to you/ What have you struggled with the most?
I'll start.
To me, self acceptance means feeling comfortable in your own skin and not let others opinions dictate who you are.
I've struggled the most with embracing my inner 'nerd' if you will.
I'm a bit of a philomath and I've always felt the need to push that aside and be the stereotypical girl- I tried to be into fashion and social gatherings and popular tv shows and **** but there's really so much more going on in the world than that.
I'd much rather be reading, writing, hanging out at a museum, or learning something new- ever since I've really accepted this about myself (which followed shortly after I decided to finally go back to school for my MA) I have the overwhelming need to know everything- I've been brushing up on my US and world geography and history (which i feel I should know anyway), broke out my Spanish Pimsleur Approach cd collection that's been untouched for years and more. Anyway, I'm rambling . . .

really cool idea for a thread and huge credit for accepting yourself, it's one thing i struggled with growing up and always tried to emulate others like tv characters or whatever.

but i learned to be more self accepting when i started to accomplish things for myself, nothing special but i grew and built a good physique. gave me something to be proud of that i built something through passion and hard work.

i'm not like the most people my age to be honest, never been clubbing or going out socialising every weekend and all the rest.
i guess i've learnt to accept it as a part of who I am, kind of old fashioned i guess!

I'm the same way. I don't go out or dress up or put on loads of makeup. Trust me, I've tried. But what interests me is just hanging out at home with my pets and boyfriend. Back when I was a heavy sloppy drinker I could tolerate the public but now I stay to myself. I really don't have friends. I consider ppl acquaintances but that's about it. I've either been screwed over by "friends" or my bipolar has made me shut them out.

As far as self acceptance, I'm jealous of those who've found that bit of peace. My mental illnesses make it hard to like my looks or things I do or say. My self esteem ran off when my eating disorder began 13 yrs ago.

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I have never really accepted myself.

But, as much as I want to be accepted by others I refuse to conform. I need to be accepted for being me and I often have trouble with that. I am constantly second guessing myself and worried about what people would think of me. I don't think highly of myself so why should anyone else. I am excited for that to change though. I start CBT (Cognative Behaviour Therapy) next week and look forward to gaining some skills that will help me do away with the negative thinking.

I really hate to admit it but my acceptance of myself relies upon what others think of me. Now alone again, it is pretty low.

[quote=RxQueen875;4726668]I'm the same way. I don't go out or dress up or put on loads of makeup. Trust me, I've tried. But what interests me is just hanging out at home with my pets and boyfriend. Back when I was a heavy sloppy drinker I could tolerate the public but now I stay to myself. I really don't have friends. I consider ppl acquaintances but that's about it. I've either been screwed over by "friends" or my bipolar has made me shut them out.

As far as self acceptance, I'm jealous of those who've found that bit of peace. My mental illnesses make it hard to like my looks or things I do or say. My self esteem ran off when my eating disorder began 13 yrs ago.

I can totally relate (to being screwed over)- It's very hard for me to open up to people- I have many acquiantances but very few friends . . . i think I also push away potential new friends sometimes as well. ..

Yes! I hate conforming as well- I wish more people were more open minded- I guess it's not about fitting in so much as finding the right people that fit you. I hope the CBT goes well for you. . .

Self acceptance for me would be the ability to drown out all the negative self talk and self hate I have learned through the years. I'd like to forget the insults and lies that were told to me from my abusers. Self Acceptance would be the ability to hear a compliment and not think there is a motive behind it or actually believe that the compliment was given honestlY. Self love/self acceptance/self esteem is elusive at times, instead of the ten things I did right I focus on the thing I did wrong. It will take a long time to undo what has been negatively engrained but I am working on it. I will be interested to read how others find or manage self acceptance, Thanks for this thread

You'll get there . .. stay strong.

Whenever I get a compliment, I get red in the face cause I think it's bs. I feel the person is mocking me and lying. I can't recall the last time I felt good about myself in my head. And when I say things out loud, I immediately think to myself "omg shut up you're so stupid". Ahhhh it sucks.

To me self-acceptance means to be comfortable with ourselves & to never let other people's actions/words or anything outside of us to be able to alter our emotions at all. I've struggled with taking things personal even though I know that the other person didn't have those intentions at all. It's weird but that's definitely a major struggle I still have.

I can accept myself but it's the rest of the world not accepting who I am that really gets me. I am such an introvert. I never went clubbing or partying, and usually just spend my evenings curled up with the Web or a good book. Or perhaps a video game. I have always loved gaming. Doesn't make for much socializing does it?

Rx, I know how you feel. I don't like compliments because I think people are just being nice. I asked my T from day one not to compliment me, it makes me uncomfortable. My husband has stopped saying anything nice or complimentary as well, he says I won't believe him anyway. He's right. In my past anyone who was ever too kind or complimentary has always hurt me. It's too hard to accept and believe.

I am very happy that I read this thread. I have been having an extremely tough time accepting myself after getting clean from pills and alcohol. So I can definitely relate to what you said, RxQueen. When I was high I could deal with the world and other people much better than I do when I am sober. I feel as though I have become much of a hermit. This is not entirely bad, of course, because I am not going out and doing things that I shouldn't do. However, I have a hard time even going to the grocery store some days. Where I live, I know most people around here and I just fear that I am going to run into someone that I don't want to.

My self esteem is pretty bad. I scoff at compliments also. My mom will say "you look pretty" or "you are beautiful" and I just roll my eyes. I really need to figure out how to love me for me and have self confidence. My self esteem issues have always been there, for whatever reason. I can remember being 17 years old and thinking I was too fat, obsessing over my weight and my appearance. When I look at pictures of 115 lb self at 17, I was a knockout! Why did I feel like that back then? Am I still not so terrible looking but I tell myself that? Why can't I have confidence like the chick on my big fat fabulous life? I would kill for one ounce of her confidence and positive outlook!

Does anyone have any advice or tactics on how to feel better about yourself? Being comfortable in your own skin?

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Yes, Anxiety can't be a ***** to overcome- I shoudv'e included that- that's partly why that was so hard for me to accept myself- all the 'negative thoughts' in my head convincing me I wasn't good enough

I accept myself alone, out of context, but near people I don't feel like I measure up, and I don't think anybody understands me or what value I could bring. I hate other people.

I'ts not like I spend all day online, but when I do I find it easier to engage people (forums, I don't chat) without the same worry of acceptance. Sure, I second guess myself and worry if I've made people angry but there is less of myself invested of myself in such environments. No one is going to complain how I'm dressed, comment on my hair, think I'm overweight and I generally don't have to worry about hurling words of abuse.

Well, if you're playing with people online, perhaps that counts- I love to play video games too, it's fun and challenging and then can also be a good outlet for some of my daily frustrations.

[quote=DeeAnnaD1913;4729053]I am very happy that I read this thread. I have been having an extremely tough time accepting myself after getting clean from pills and alcohol. So I can definitely relate to what you said, RxQueen. When I was high I could deal with the world and other people much better than I do when I am sober. I feel as though I have become much of a hermit. This is not entirely bad, of course, because I am not going out and doing things that I shouldn't do. However, I have a hard time even going to the grocery store some days. Where I live, I know most people around here and I just fear that I am going to run into someone that I don't want to.

I wish I could offer you some good advice other than it takes time- live one day at a time- I feel that the longer I go one living the sober life, the stronger I get- I start to see people for how they are and learn to deflect any negativity (for the most part, I did just have some tension tamer tea because I was feeling a bit too upset by my neighbor, but I'll save that for another post)). Also, just know that most people have their own insecurities- and when people ignore you or are rude or mean, just know that's just them trying to make themselves feel better- or they are also being anxious and shy and are not feeling up to being around others- I definitely don't like going anywhere on my days off if I don't have to because I also know a lot of people in my neighborhood and that's not always a good thing.

Thank you for this thread, AngstyLady!
I have to unlearn some bad images of myself as well and struggle with self-acceptance. It feels good to be given this impulse and to be reminded of something so valuable.

I often feel embarrassed to admit who I really am. I am this type of person who wants the world to be a friendly place, who wants to be nice to everyone and to be loved (not by everyone). Whenever I try to be more distant or selfish, I start to grieve a little bit inside. Also, it took me a little time to accept that I am not into going out, clubbing, fashion and what is "in" as well. I would try to do that, go to clubs, but end up crying somewhere on a train half-drunk in the middle of the night, or be miserable because I would never ever understand style and make-up like the others apparently do.
Now a few months ago I just gave in, bought a bigger COUCH and now I sit there for hours and hours and knit the hell out of my wool-basket. And yes, I like horses, and guinea pigs, and cats, and dogs, and people, and I feel completely incapable of hurting someone or something.
I am not a morning person, I do not run or do anything that implies stress or noise if I don't have to. I don't want a hip boyfriend who runs with the scene and I don't want an exciting job with lots of prestige. It took me some time to admit that I dream of smaller things, of love and Ahimsa (non-violence), and that I prefer sleeping to socializing.

Like most BP, I struggle with who I am now and who I could have been if I hadn't self-destructed so many times in my life. Too many times in recent years, I looked back with too many regrets........or as the Snickers commercial says - "regerts".

At the same time, now I know the story whereas before, I just thought I was a jerk. I have defense mechanisms and ways to deal with the frustration. I was lucky because I'm still in a good enough place to move forward and for that I am thankful.

I honestly have no idea what this means. The concept of self acceptance always seemed so ... contrived?

Wouldn't not accepting yourself mean you act contrary to who you really are? I never understood pretending to be something I'm not.

I mean, I've always done my thing regardless. I've never acted against who I am. Maybe I've always accepted myself? Because I don't try to hide aspects of myself from the world.

i don't think i have a self acceptance problem anymore but used to. i just learned i have to love myself first before i can love others treat others as you'd have them treat you is my motto, it comes easy to me now but it had to be learned as i wasn't accepting myself because of my mental disorder. i am schitzophrenic am people like my family thought i was selfish, but it was the illness that they couldn't accept that being a part of it. i needed long times with myself. as a result of the illness. they do accept me now so it's ok.

Self acceptance is tough for me. Almost 50 years ago, without knowing it I started on a path away from self acceptance. As a kid and adolescent the "real me" wasn't too well received, and so I started hiding or pretending. Those things aren't better in the long run, and in fact they're worse, but in the short term they provide an escape. I've come to rely on that escape.

Acceptance for me would be living without the pretense and the hiding. I'm not talking about being unfiltered, because a little bit of filtering makes the world go 'round. I'm talking about letting people really see me and living with whatever the consequences of that are.

That would be peace, that would be self acceptance.

I used to have Ahimsa (the sanskrit writing) as a pic for my desktop background!! Yeah, I hate how the mainstream media pushes things down your throat and haves you growing up thinking you need to have certain (shallow) values/interests- I 0ften times think I would be better off growing up in 14 century China or India somewhere

I wish I had your strength- but then also I think part of this is the confusion that our social environments can harbor you must've grown up with some pretty awesome and nurturing parents Mine were pretty cool, but definitely were weary of me having interests that might seem 'unladylike' or otherwise 'odd'