[Zararose]

I'm very introverted so finding new friends is hard, plus my mental state means I'm very clingy with them. Has anyone been able to make new friends?

[dannypk16]

I'm good at making new friends, I tend to be liked by people, and I'm introverted. Usually the main reason why I don't make new friends is because I just don't want new friends. A friend is someone you like, trust and support, someone who you should help when needed. And I'm not the kind of person who helps and trusts other people, this makes my friendships (and any kind of relationship) really toxic and end soon. Sometimes, when I'm being toxic with a friend and I'm not wearing a mask (I don't want people to know my real self) and I do care about that friend (for any reason), I just put my mask on and try to fix the situation by smiling or making it look like a simple joke or irrelevant thing.

Basically, I'm good at making new friends but not at keeping them. As long as you like yourself, others can like you too with no effort.

[FriendlyJoe]

Making friends is super easy. Actually liking them is another story. I'm also clingy with people I really like. There's one girl in my life right now that I'm absolutely in love with and everyday I love her more. She's the only one in my life at the moment that I can be myself around. We have our ups and downs mostly due her being bipolar like me. But we have a great relationship together and when we're together we own whatever we do. Without her I'm miserable and don't care to go out anywhere. I'm currently looking for more friends but I'm extremely picky and that prohibits me from getting a friend. Theres only been a few in my life that I've really enjoyed calling my friend. For some people it's just more of a challenge making and finding friends and it's not mathematically impossible so don't worry.

I have no problem making friends, but I eventually get overwhelmed and go into hermit mode. I find people in general to be overwhelming.

[Mountaindewed]

I don’t desire actual friends. I prefer to be alone. but I have a lot of workplace acquaintances. People find me easy to talk to. There was this one guy I really wanted to talk to but I didn’t know how to so I had to ask a friend on Facebook. She told me how to break the ice and I did and he responded and it seems to have gone good.

[CepheidVariable]

Originally Posted by Zararose

I'm very introverted so finding new friends is hard, plus my mental state means I'm very clingy with them. Has anyone been able to make new friends?

I'm fine at making acquaintances. When I was in school that was good enough to develop into a few friendships. Now that I'm middle-aged, everyone is busy with work and children. I truly struggle to find anyone I share any real interests or connection with where I live because it's not a highly populated area. And there is other stuff ... but long story short ... I get how hard it is to make close friends.

As for the clinging, I seem able to give people the time and space they need (platonic friendship-wise) because I recognize that's healthy. I'm used to my alone time, so I can manage it and not irritate or overwhelm people. Of course having several good friends would help with the desire to spend all your time with just one, but if we were good at that ....

If you don't mind my asking, are you clingy because you're desperately lonely? Or is it an attachment issue?

[eskielover]

I moved to my little farm 2100 miles from where I had lived all 54 years of my life (11 years ago). I didn't know anyone when I came here & I have met the most amazing people in my community. Some have become real friends while others have stayed at acquaintance level but we all enjoy socializing & doing things together from volunteer work to just having fun. Something I never experienced in my life but it sure feels great

Originally Posted by eskielover

I moved to my little farm 2100 miles from where I had lived all 54 years of my life (11 years ago). I didn't know anyone when I came here & I have met the most amazing people in my community. Some have become real friends while others have stayed at acquaintance level but we all enjoy socializing & doing things together from volunteer work to just having fun. Something I never experienced in my life but it sure feels great

That is awesome!

Originally Posted by CepheidVariable

I'm fine at making acquaintances. When I was in school that was good enough to develop into a few friendships. Now that I'm middle-aged, everyone is busy with work and children. I truly struggle to find anyone I share any real interests or connection with where I live because it's not a highly populated area. And there is other stuff ... but long story short ... I get how hard it is to make close friends.

As for the clinging, I seem able to give people the time and space they need (platonic friendship-wise) because I recognize that's healthy. I'm used to my alone time, so I can manage it and not irritate or overwhelm people. Of course having several good friends would help with the desire to spend all your time with just one, but if we were good at that ....

If you don't mind my asking, are you clingy because you're desperately lonely? Or is it an attachment issue?

I also struggle making connections with others. I’m independent and like to do my own thing. But I do want to form closer friendships. I just give people space and I really don’t have expectations. I think PC fills the friendship void for me. I can have honest conversations here and just keep it simple with new people I meet.

Originally Posted by Zararose

I'm very introverted so finding new friends is hard, plus my mental state means I'm very clingy with them. Has anyone been able to make new friends?

I am also very introverted. It’s hard to make new friends for me. I have had to work on just meeting a wide variety of people and keeping the friendships fairly superficial. I’ve been burned in the past so I’m afraid to trust people.

[eskielover]

Originally Posted by Sisabel

I am also very introverted. It’s hard to make new friends for me. I have had to work on just meeting a wide variety of people and keeping the friendships fairly superficial. I’ve been burned in the past so I’m afraid to trust people.

I was burned so many times before I moved so I understand that feeling. I guess my move was like opening a new door to my life. I have been burnt here but have a group if supportive people I trust around me now so I do finally feel safe to spread my wings for the first time in my life & thst has opened the door to making real friends

[divine1966]

I’ve met nice people in meetup group, group fell apart but 4 of us remained friends, we see each other at least monthly (going to a movie and lunch this Sunday) sometimes more often and we also do annual vacation/trip together. I have other people I hang out with but they are more of acquaintances.

I am not introvert really, I am a social person and am always doing something with others but I don’t easily make close friends. I don’t easily let people in.

[CepheidVariable]

Originally Posted by CepheidVariable

As for the clinging, I seem able to give people the time and space they need (platonic friendship-wise) because I recognize that's healthy. I'm used to my alone time, so I can manage it and not irritate or overwhelm people.

I just noticed after saying I'm not clingy that I have given 1702 hugs over the timespan of 1041 posts.

(In fairness, I often don't know what to say but want to acknowledge someone and give a simple sign of emotional support. And I don't actually hug people in real life.)

[Row Jimmy]

I'm an extravert that's not interested in friends. Most people I used to hang out with are just interested in partying. To a large degree, it was shallow. What is a friend, anyway? At my age, having friends is an odd circumstance. I'm not sure how to describe it......friends, to me, used to mean "fun" (whatever that means). These days, I'm consumed with my family, my job, and other obligations. My life has changed to a degree - what do I do with my friends at my age? Don't get me wrong, I like meeting new people......but on my terms. In my partying heyday, my friend activities used to consist of playing golf, getting high, going to the strip bar, getting drunk, and showing up at home around 3 AM. All in one day - a 13 hour binge. When I decided to change, I had to walk away from that lifestyle and in doing so, I walked away from friends.

I think our life trajectory dictates our definition of friends. To my parents, their friends were mostly those they knew at church. They went to social events, cookouts, and other activities. And you could see the bond they shared with each other. They genuinely cared about each other and they had a lot of fun in the process. I remember one time distinctly when someone in their group was droning on about his diabetes and the treatment he was receiving and someone yelled "No one gives a s*** about your diabetes"! And everyone cracked up. That was the understanding they all had.......life was what it was. And everyone accepted it. These days, people are so uptight about their lives and the things they need to do that it's very difficult to form lasting, meaningful bonds.

[BlossomingLen]

I have extreme trouble making friends. Whenever I make one, it's hard to keep that connection. It's not their fault. I don't exactly make it easy sometimes. I mean--how can you expect to be friends with someone who won't talk to you? I'm not the best with replying to others, since I never know what to say and the anticipation makes me nervous.

Even so. I love meeting new people and learning what they're about! Who knows? Maybe when I get better at talking to people, I could make a couple genuine friends. It would be really cool! I'm looking forward to it.

[Mountaindewed]

Someone at work asked me if I wanted to go with them and a couple other coworkers to a store after work. No one my own age has asked me to go anywhere since 2011. So it threw me off guard. I froze and stuttered out an excuse. This person looked legitimately sad I couldn’t go. I felt bad because it sounded like I didn’t want to hang out with them. So a couple minutes later I changed my mind. We didn’t end up going since the store didn’t have what we wanted, but it was weird being asked to go out somewhere.

[WishfulThinker66]

I am very good at making acquaintanceships. I am surrounded by a large number of them. However, close friendships are another matter. I have very few relationships I would describe as such. Socialising however, despite my anxieties, is not something I generally have a problem with.

Why? Why can I not move beyond a simple acquaintanceship to a more involved friendship?

Trust. I have very little trust in people. This goes back to the harassment I endured in the military. This goes back to the bullying I received at the hands of peers in childhood. This goes back to the emotional abuse of my mother. I can't trust anyone because I don't know if they are going to turn on me or become a predator. Also, I moved around a great deal as both a child and young adult. I simply was never in one place for any kind of time to get close to people and form lasting relationships.

The few friendships I have today are those formed in the military - kind of a united we stand sort of thing.They are lasting bonds made more out of protection than having much else in common.

Anxious around people and being extroverted? Yes, an unlikely union. I believe it stems from a long worn mask of confidence. The best defence is a good offence. If I strike people as strongly confident they won't bully me or otherwise take me down. I can 'work a room' at a party but will start to cry and shake the moment I leave it.

Acquaintanceships are made, but promises to get together again are rarely kept. And dang it,I hate it because there are people I meet who I strongly gravitate towards and would really like to get to know further.

No, I instead I stare at numbers entered in my phone and struggle unsuccessfully to ring them.

Originally Posted by WishfulThinker66

I am very good at making acquaintanceships. I am surrounded by a large number of them. However, close friendships are another matter. I have very few relationships I would describe as such. Socialising however, despite my anxieties, is not something I generally have a problem with..

I feel like the key to making friends (that no one ever talks about) is having common shared stakes. You can go to a meet up but you will never make friends there because there is no requirement that people come and once there you don't have to work with people to do things. I find that I can make solid friends with anyone if we have to do things together. Though I admit sometimes that doesn't even work.

For me I find the best and kind of only way to make new friends is to do something... volunteer on a group that is tasked with a specific "making something happen" where people have to show up. For me I am on my condo board of trustees. Volunteer at a place you kind of have to go, say like taking care at pet shelters.

[The_little_didgee]

I am not good at making friends. Usually I have no idea how to proceed when someone talks to me. I have noticed that most people who approach me want something and are not at all interested in getting to know me. If it is a man, he usually wants to have sexual relations, nothing more.

Getting to know Didgee is hard. I keep my distance until I know what the other person's intention is.

Most people outside of my family have hurt me, so I protect myself.

[CepheidVariable]

It's reassuring to hear some others also talk about being socially knowledgeable and yet socially anxious and lacking close friends despite wanting them.

I don't think most people would understand that. I'm in my late 40s. I know how to interact with people on a casual level just fine. Although it can be exhausting (and not just in the typical introvert way).

I've been doing some personally challenging things lately and on one level they're almost easy to do procedurally because I know what I'm supposed to do and often do it well ... but it's so excruciatingly hard on me for what feels like small and glacially slow gains. I have terrible self-esteem and yet I'm bright and personable. Frankly, I suspect people might think I really have it together. But I don't. I'm so far below what people assume is the usual human experience. I'm a superficially high-functioning train wreck.

I dunno. I'm not really looking for advice. I know for me it's mostly a self-worth problem that's a personality disorder. I'm just babbling here. Maybe someone will relate.

[88Butterfly88]

I met my best friend at an autism group. Otherwise I don't really have anyone else I'm super close to.

[Skull&Crossbones]

I haven't had success making new friends. My life changes too rapidly to be around anyone long or often enough. Even if I were, I don't connect or relate to other people. I don't trust most of them and rarely do I feel comfortable around them (unless I have actually spent a lot of time around them). I always feel like I have to completely censor myself and turn off my personality to be "acceptable". I know I can't be myself and be who I identify as because that's a major reason I've lost all close friendships/relationships. Hell, I'm way more of an extrovert, but I don't make friends. If I've lost people because I'm queer and they think it's wrong or don't believe me, then how can I ever be myself around people? Is it only "normal" people who are able to make friends? Hell, there's a good LGBT community where I live and still, I'm on the outside looking in...their events aren't often enough to build a rapport with them and I often can't go because of the weather or I have another obligation.

What "friends" I've made have just used me. There is no equal exchange. There is no support, just I can complete a task they need done. That's all I'm good for.

[Velvet Lounger]

Generally I don't go out of my way to make (online) friends, much preferring them to befriend me. That said, I am choosy.

Regarding making real life friends, I am extremely careful, constantly wary. In my position it is imperitive.

[luvyrself]

I made my two best friends online, one a woman who has a bipolar son and totally gets it ,on a community forum- so now we have coffee two hrs every week. The other is a man in New Jersey, we talk at least an hour every day. I call him my brother because he is so supportive. Nolongerlonely ($40)online has boxes you can check for just friends. It is a matchup site for people with mental illness. I ambulding a whole online family of people who understand mental illness because mine certainly doesn’t. The support gives me more self esteem to help me have the patience to deal w my real family.
LIke many of us, I am very introverted and dont do well in large groups. Online is perfect for me! I made a mistake at first and dated a guy who mainly wanted guess what, so I slowed way down. Now I’m in my comfort zone. And I think I may have saved someone’s sharing info about bipolar.
Always be yourself, show appreciation, keep trying!

[Taylor27]

My husband is my best friend mostly i have friends online and day program. I have major trust issues.