MOVING ACROSS COUNTRY! Am I crazy?

That’s wise re contacting people in the area. Good idea.

My anxiety is just acting up. It's scary moving alone. Once I moved 2,000 miles on my own...didn't like where I moved to...so moved back. I was 22 or 23. I think I was scared but I just did it. Maybe when we are young we are too naive to know about everything that could go wrong. I did that trip in an ancient VW and I don't remember worrying it would break down. I use to fly by the seat of my pants. I need that girl now!

Thankyou. Sure, a studio would be fine. I live in a studio now. My son wants to move outside the city to a more rural place. He is fine with me living on a shared "compound" and sharing rent. So that could be the future. I don't know how his girlfriend would feel. I don't know her very well. I want to be a quiet presence and see how things go. I am quiet and she is very loud so we kind of have different personalities. But she is also very sweet. And we both love animals and gardening. There are possibilities. I just have to get from here to there. Lord.

I completely support your plan to move, based upon everything you've posted. In fact, I believe that moving would be a wise choice.

Ah, thank you so very, very much! I have gotten so much positive support. I am so grateful to everyone here on Psych Central. Thank you again!

Thank you everyone. I cannot express how deep my appreciation is that I have you guys! I can count on you to be honest and forthright, to say what you think, and to give authentic feedback.

It is also meaningful that everyone here knows how much harder it is to do things when one is fighting for better mental health.


I have never been diagnosed with anything except "adjustment disorder" which I think is something therapists put on insurance forms when there isn't a solid diagnosis. I have always had anxiety. I have always felt that what is easy for others has always been hard for me. I am certain others here understand what I am talking about.

The hardest thing for me is to do things alone. I grew up in a large family and believe me, I don't think I was ever alone for a minute until...maybe age 25 when I rented an apartment on my own.


It is imperative I keep my mental state steady.

I'm happy for you! Please keep us informed!

Another positive and supportive person coming forth! I am over-whelmed with how awesome this thread has been for me. THANK YOU, TL! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!

I think that is a great idea. {{}}

Thank you so very, very much.

Not sleeping at all. Worried. Now I know why I didn't do this move when I had the money...when I should have moved. I was just too scared. I hate doing really big things alone...and a 2,000 move with no money is pretty big for me. Am scared now but must move forward.

Try not to overthink it. Just let it happen.

Fantastic advice! Thank you! I needed this advice.

1. I have been researching my move. The area I am moving to has very nice affordable housing for seniors who qualify. In fact, there seems to be quite a lot of it. Once again the eligibility is so low an income I don't qualify. But what I get from Society Security and a very small annuity is not going to get me rent in a safe location. I have the same problem whether I stay or go. I need to keep researching.

2. I have been reading things about retired people moving to be near their adult children and how sometimes it really backfires. I get along really well with my son but I don't know his girlfriend that well. I am going to have to be forthright and just discuss this with my son. I am tired of people not being forthright as it makes everything much more difficult. When I asked him what she thought about my moving near them he hesitated...then said...that she didn't have any reaction at all. That seems suspect - as she appears to be a very opinionated person. I need to let go of this situation as it is causing me a lot of anxiety.

I am going to sleep.

I hope you find reasonable place to live. It’s always a challenge.

I hear you about adult kids but as long as you aren’t moving into the same apartment complex or buying a house across the street from them (that would be intrusive) I don’t think they’d have issue with it. I’d not even worry about his girlfriend . She doesn’t own their town plus I am sure she is just fine with it. She might have no opinion because she doesn’t know you well. I am sure she’ll be just fine when you move and she gets to know you more

I agree with divine. Your son's gf probably really doesn't have much of a feeling one way or the other...most likely, she has anxiety about being judged by you (I think any partner has that concern about their partner's parent). That's most likely about as far as it goes.

I'm coming onto this thread late and just want to say good for you! It takes a lot of courage to move across the country at an older age! Best wishes in finding a comfortable and affordable place and with all the moving details. Moving can be overwhelming, so just take one step at a time.

This was supposed to be answer to Divine. What happened I don't know...

For Divine:

Thanks. Life is very complicated. His girlfriend's parents live a few hours away. Her mother had heart surgery right before Covid hit...and in the middle of this pandemic her father has been treated for cancer with chemo, surgery, and reconstructive surgery. I think today I will send her a note. As an only child I am sure it is very difficult to not see her parents but she has been staying away because of Covid. We have been getting to know one another tentatively with notes, gifts, and cards. Perhaps we are both being cautious which is a good thing.

I am not moving into the city where they are...but somewhere outside the city probably an hour or more away. This way they can visit or I can visit...but we won't be in each other's business.


My son and his other girlfriends have lived in the same town without any negativity. In one case one of his girlfriends and I got along very well and I would have loved to have had her for a daughter-in-law.

I am going to let worry about this go. Thanks, Divine, this is really something I can let go worrying about for now.

Thanks. Replied to you separately in another post here. Sorry, am in a bit of a hurry today.

Thank you, thank you. Perhaps that goes both ways. I only met her once. I thanked her for being so supportive and loving with my son as he can get ornery. She said, "I love everything about him," and I said, "Good for you, I can't say that and I am his mother!" and she laughed and later told my son. Truly he does require a lot of patience so this is one thing I can say about her...she has a lot of patience. When I visited them (only one time) -- every evening before she would go off to work (she was working late shift) she would say goodbye to the dogs, hug and kiss my son, then come over and sit beside me and hug me and kiss me on the cheek. I thought that was very cute and affectionate and lovely.


I hate having anxiety. It makes problems where there are no problems.

Thank you. It is insanely difficult because of Covid19...and lack of money. It is truly one of those insane goals...not the first in my life. And I don't yet know the outcome. Everything is uncertain.

I have been following all your threads and I know you are also in a place of not knowing what is going to happen in an uncertain future

But we still have to proceed...make decisions...knowing that perhaps we might have to switch gears.

It takes a lot of courage and resilience...and since I battle anxiety...it takes a lot to keep going.

Thanks for supporting me and please know that even though I may not be posting on your threads I am following them all and keeping you in my thoughts, HH.

All kinds of things happen when older people move. I know of some older adults who have been away from their home territory and then move back ...but then it doesn't work. Probably because their expectations have been too high. I have a lot of family in this area but probably won't contact any of them right off. I am doing the move for me...because I want to be closer to my son and because I want a change.

I moved away from my home territory over 30 years ago. Last night when I started to do research on housing...I was surprised because so many memories flooded back. I think I become attached to places and I always create a lot of memories. Just seeing the old landscape, the sky in pictures, it is very different from where I am now. But very very familiar.

I also have to say that because I suffer from anxiety it always makes things harder. I have moved a lot...have lived all over the U.S. and abroad. Frankly I don't know how I have managed it.

I am a list maker and very organized when I move. I don't just wing it.

Covid 19 is making everything much more difficult. I have decided not to drive the 2,000 miles...but to ship my truck and stuff and fly -- as the cost of a one-way flight is so cheap it is hard to believe. Flying is a "high risk" situation and I am high risk. But I am thinking...get to the airport...don't stop for anything...proceed to flight...get in my seat and stay there...get off and exit airport as quickly as possible. Maybe even "double mask" - or wear one of those shield thingies over a mask.

Thank you for this, and thanks for your support on my end. Hugs.

Sometimes in life we have to make a leap of faith... especially when things are all uncertain. We take that leap because it’s something we want in life. You want to move across country. I have faith that it will all fall into place for you somehow. I’m not sure why, but I do. I think when we have a desire, a strong desire, and start taking steps towards it, that it all comes to fruition. Maybe I believe in energetic movement within the universe to make dreams and desires come true.

And yes, everything’s uncertain for me too. I’m taking a leap of faith.

Hugs. . .

Your sons girlfriend sounds lovely. And I laughed that you appreciate her because she can handle your son haha haha I laugh because that’s how I feel about my late son in law and my daughter’s fiancée, my future son in law. They put up with my daughter. Hahah that thing alone makes me grateful for their existence haha

I think being in the same general area with your son will be just fine!

Oh yeah those shields got extra protection are a great idea

Thanks! I felt a little guilty talking about my son's ornery side...but it's really true. I think she just ignores him when he's moody. She has a ton of interests, hobbies, work projects etc. She's very active on social media. She gives him lots of space. I am going to keep all of this in mind. He is NOT an easy person to live with...and I think she's found the perfect way.


You're right...this person is precious because without her he would probably be alone and single...and that is his worst possible state.


I don't want to judge or be judged and I am going to make that my motto.