MOVING ACROSS COUNTRY! Am I crazy?

DechanDawa - I'm chiming in late too, but wanted to say, I totally see your logic and agree with you. It sounds like the move would be really good for you, but is definitely a big undertaking. Totally understand why it would be scary (I'd be scared too!) - plus big changes are always a little scary.

Maybe try to remember that the reason it's scary is that it's a big change, and has the potential to have a big reward. If you think about not moving - that is kind of scary too, right? So either way is going to require you to move through fear (ugh, I know!) - but being near your son, and in a better area, sounds like it has a much higher chance of helping you be happy and healthy in the future.

Good luck!

Thanks Guilloche...all good points. I appreciate the input.

Thanks everyone. I think I might take some time away from Psych Central. I am kind of overwhelmed with all the decisions I have to make...whether I stay or go.


Everything is compounded by Covid 19, of course.

I spoke with my son today and he said maybe he and his girlfriend will be moving. If they move out of the city a few hours away...then why am I contemplating moving 2,000 miles to be near this city? It is that age old dilemma I said I would never be caught in...moving to be near adult children. I never ever thought that was a good idea...but with Covid19 I suddenly felt I HAD to move and be near my son and his girlfriend. Today I found out the two jobs she was doing when Covid19 hit have shut down permanently...and her newer job is now also endangered because the business may close. She is obviously worried. I am sure my son is worried about his business which he only started doing full-time in 2019.


Perhaps Covid19 is causing people to rethink their lives. Now my son is thinking his business would do better in another location. He named one area that is hours away from where he now lives.


I have to rethink everything. Who am I moving for? And for what? I see now moving to be near my son could end up being a disaster if he decides to move away. I am not the kind of parent that wants to keep following my adult child all around. I was married to a "corporate warrior" and criss-crossed the country following him. I am too old for that.


I found a darling little village outside my son's city...along a river...very quaint and colonial...with spacious apartments at lower rents. I could see myself there...maybe. But if suddenly my son and his girlfriend moved a few hours away would I be happy in this little village all alone? I don't know. My son has been part of the whole moving equation. I also had a falling out with my oldest friend who lives in that area. She has made it impossible to reconcile. It is so sad. She would have loved this little village, too. But that's water under the bridge now. She's dead to me.


I will accrue debt in a big move and won't be able to afford to move again anytime soon.

However, if I stay where I am I STILL have to move because I can no longer afford my rent. Someone from a non-profit housing agency is supposed to call me this week. They said they could possibly get me into a very tiny studio. Sigh. I already live in a small studio and it is crammed. That is the whole problem with where I am living now. In the area where I now live I can only afford a 400 square foot studio...in that little village 2,000 miles away... for the same price...I saw a sweet apartment in a nicely kept fourplex building near the waterfront park...and it was 1,000 square feet with a fireplace, wide porch, and shared yard!

As someone who already suffers from anxiety...I already feel quite burdened...and now more and more stuff is piling on and I can feel my anxiety rising. After a certain point the anxiety turns into suicidal ideation and then I have to start calling the crisis hotline counselors to help me cool down. I hate when it gets to that point and am trying to avoid letting my anxiety get that bad. And still my doctor advises me to handle things holistically! Perhaps these primary care doctors simply don't understand how bad anxiety can get.

I wish I had found a decent therapist. Recently I tried again and left messages with a few and they didn't get back to me. I am certain that therapists and counselors are swamped at this time.

So if I am not back for awhile it is because I am busy trying to figure out my life and the next steps. I will have to move somewhere. It could be...five miles from here...or 2,000 miles from her. Big difference. Big decisions.

My son and his girlfriend are destabilized at the moment. What a difficult time for so many people!

I have to stay grounded so when I talk with my son I am not an added burden. You know, I need to keep my Mom hat on!

I will be back on Psych Central at some future time. Taking a break (unless I have a meltdown then maybe will be back sooner!) AND THANK YOU ALL AND STAY SAFE AND SNUG, PEEPS!

Best wishes to you!! Take care.

Best wishes. Hope everything works out. I understand dilemma about moving close to the kids or not as there is no way to know if kids stay put. I get it. Hugs

It was a silly idea. I can't live and move on a credit card. I wasn't thinking straight. I miss my son and his girlfriend and wanted to live near them. With surges in Covid it is not feasible. It was a stupid idea. I have cried several times about having to freeze this plan for now.

I have to be out of my apt in two months (approx) and have not found affordable housing in the area.

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It was really the idea of moving in a pandemic that stopped me. I mean I haven't left my apartment in 16 weeks except to go to the grocery store. The idea of all the contact with people entailed in the move...caused me to pause in alarm. I mean...if everyone along the way was wearing masks...but I know that isn't reality.

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What would be the point of moving if I caught Covid along the way.

It does cost quite a bit to move across country. If that were charged on a credit card, it may be very difficult to lower and get rid of all that debt.

I wanted to encourage you to move because you wanted it to move so badly, so I wanted to give you some positive feedback around it. But I agree that charging it on a credit card is not the wisest plan, and neither is moving during a pandemic, as you pointed out.

Also, now that your son may move himself, there's almost no point in trying to move to be closer to him.

Perhaps it's best to now troubleshoot where you are going to live in your current area, and resolve the isolation/loneliness factor.

Thanks. I have been crying all day. I didn't care about the debt I just wanted to be somewhere else and near my son. He isn't thinking of moving that far from his present location...and probably not for a year or two - but who knows? My three credit cards are thanking me for letting them remain with a zero balance - where they have been for four happy years. Maybe not for long...but for now they feel light-hearted.

I talked to dozens of people today and cried a lot on the phone, too. The so-called housing assistance programs suck and I even got the clerks to admit it. Lotteries for affordable housing! That is downright cruel.

But finally I did get a person with the emergency family assistance program (EFA) who said they could provide some funds to help me with the move itself...and maybe help me with my final month's rent here where I am now. I cried with gratitude.

My favorite brother just sent me the most loving sweet text on my phone. A bright spot of light.

On a whim I entered one of my photos in an online photo contest. I got a lot of yes votes for my photo which made me feel good. (My undergrad degree was in photojournalism.) I won't win but the positive feedback was lovely. Another bright spot.

Thank you HH...I posted a long comment on your thread this morning but then deleted it. I didn't feel it properly communicated...anything of real importance. You will find your way. You are very strong.

Thank you.

It's great you were able to experience a few shining, bright moments - how wonderful!!!

And thank you. I do feel very strong right now.

We’re all rooting for you, DD!

Thank you.

A crisis counselor at my health care provider put this crazy idea into my head. I called the health care provider yesterday to complain. It was not a professional response to a call to help me de-escalate an anxiety spike. She should never have presented the idea that I move "on credit" and "worry about the debt accrued later." I was in such a vulnerable state, and missing my son, that I accepted this stupid suggestion as a possibility.

I lost two precious weeks of looking for affordable housing in my area. I know it is my responsibility to accept or reject suggestions...but at the same time I was in an extremely vulnerable state of mind.

I am turned off by therapy and counselors forever. I will call my local crisis hotline if I have an anxiety spike - for "in the moment" advice on how to calm down my anxiety - but I will never again call my health care provider regarding behavioral health problems.

I am resigned to finding affordable housing in my area, reducing financial pressure by having more affordable rent, and staying out of debt. I will then focus on generating income by freelance writing. I have done this in the past...but did not consider it a career possibility. Now I do.


I feel safe in the area where I now live, and it is a good place to wait out Covid19. I can focus on getting into a more economically feasible living situation, and even establishing a new online career, and saving money for a future move back east.


Presently I don't have any debt, and now I feel angry and humiliated that I allowed this "professional" I spoke with to put the idea of going into debt into my head.

I understand how frustrating and very upsetting it is to be in the position you have been in. But try not to give up on all counselors and therapists forever. The reason I'm suggesting that is because a counselor or therapist should never give advice or tell a client what to do! A huge mistake! I'm really glad you called and made a complaint.

I understand what you're saying. But this happened once before. I had a therapist who made two suggestions I did not agree with. When he told me about the second suggestion he actually said I had to do it or he wouldn't continue seeing me. I left that day and never returned. Not only did I think his suggestion was wrong, but I felt it was wrong to say I had to do it or he wouldn't see me anymore. This was after a year in therapy with him. His suggestion was that I enter into marriage therapy when I had already done it once and it didn't work, and my partner and I were proceeding towards separation. As I was his client I did not think he should tell me I had to do something with my partner (seek out marital therapy)...as that should have been solely my decision.

No, I am absolutely done with counselors and therapists forever.

But I will call my local crisis hotline because the people there give in-the-moment advice on how to de-escalate anxiety...and that's really what I need when I have an anxiety spike.


I don't need professionals messing around with my private life.

Just reading over comments. It's been a crazy two weeks. Your comments here simply repeated the conclusion I came to on my own.

I asked for honest feedback two weeks ago...as the title of this thread suggests. Everyone except TishaBuv said go, go, go...yes, charge thousands of dollars on your credit card and move 2,000 in the middle of a pandemic. What a great idea!

I wasn't thinking clearing...and was emotional...which is why I started this thread...for feedback. I was confused and needed help.

Your hindsight remarks are a bit patronizing.

Your last bit of advice about resolving loneliness and isolation especially stings. We are in a major pandemic and I have been alone in a studio apartment by myself for 17 weeks. To tell me I should set about resolving the "isolation/loneliness" factor when I was already isolated before the pandemic...and when many places are now still shut down i.e. church, library, gym, community centers...is a bit harsh

Please don't say go online and make friends. I belong to several communities besides this one and am pretty well connected on the Internet. The other sites are more career and creative arts oriented.

In truth I am going to not worry about loneliness or isolation. I am going to take out my cameras and dust them off and go out and photograph. I have a degree in photojournalism and spent a lot of time alone creating stuff that won awards and sold well.

I have one digital camera - not great - but it will be okay until I can afford something better.

Even if my son moves it wouldn't be far...and 200 miles is not the same as 2,000 miles. I will stabilize myself and then start saving for a future move. Presently I have zero credit card debt and would like to keep it that way.

I know you meant well, HH, but if I could adequately solve the "isolation, loneliness" factor I might actually become rich. It was a major societal problem even before the pandemic. Now even more so.


But truthfully I think I will rely on myself more and others less.


Right now it remains to be seen whether I will find affordable housing or end up homeless. So right now I am feeling to hell with loneliness, to hell with isolation. I have to find affordable housing before winter which is just around the corner.

You are honestly overreacting to my post, which was meant with the best of intentions, and you are twisting my words into something that they were not.

I was not patronizing you. I was in agreement with your latest conclusion about the cost and charging it on credit cards. When I thought about it more, it made more sense NOT to charge on your credit cards. I was only in agreement with your conclusion.

And you had stated you should not move to be near your son, if he is moving.

I have NO idea where this is coming from, Dechan, but I only have had the best of intentions for supporting you along your journey.

Take care, and don't worry, I will never post again on one of your threads ever again.

Now I have to find a place to live in the next ten days and so far nothing is available in my affordable price range. This isn't an overnight crisis. I have been trying to get work, help, support, advice...for the last two years. I knew I was in crisis. Some of us don't have the luxury of couch surfing with relatives...or even friends. Which is not something I would choose to do now anyway.

I am shocked at the lack of funds available for seniors in need. If one doesn't pass the eligibility requirements...tough luck.

Well, I spent two days crying on the phone and now I am just pissed off. (Pissed off by the lack of help in my county - which is a very well off county - and the opinion that tough luck if I cannot get into affordable housing I will become homeless. That would be a greater burden on the county...so yeah, I am angry about it.) I would rather be dead than be homeless as that is a very desperate, traumatizing situation. I should know having worked as an advocate of homeless veterans for 15 years.

I REALLY NEED TO TAKE A BREAK FROM PSYCH CENTRAL.

Sorry but I am feeling really triggered and I know what the moderators always advise when this happens...TAKE A BREAK. Come back later.

And I will. Bye bye for now.

And why is that, HH, because I had some conflict about what you said? You see, when I feel the need I say I am going to take a break. I don't get all huffy and stomp off. I think it is perfectly fine for me to give you feedback on your feedback and tell you how I feel. I also think I made some valid points. You might think I am over-reacting...but to state it as a fact is...well, it simply isn't logical or rational. I think YOU are over-reacting by stomping off and saying you will never return, like a little child having a tantrum.

I do take care with comments on threads. I even mentioned that I deleted a comment on your thread because I did not think it made a worthwhile contribution. I also thought of how it would make you feel and as your situation is very serious I thought I had better make a worthwhile contribution...or perhaps refrain.

Do what you want and feel how you want. This thread isn't about you so yes, go. But go in peace.

I don't think any more comments are needed and I am going to request that the moderators lock this thread.