The 29th is when I got the call. 31st is when he died. He’d be eight this year.
I showed some people on this site a couple of pictures of him. He was such an amazing kid. I wrote this and I'm posting it today because some stuff happened that reminded me that the world isn’t full of good people so I have to hang on to the ones who are good and I wish I could have hung on tighter so he couldn’t have been ripped away from me. I don't often talk about grief. I don't want it to hit me like a train on the anniversary.


You can’t read this Vlad but I’m going to write it anyways.

The NHL playoffs are on, neither of our teams are still in it, but it’s not very fun watching them without you anyways. I’m sorry I never got to take you to that game I promised. I still have that picture of you in your Leafs jersey on the mantle at home. I never take your stickers off my crutches and wheelchair either. They look better with your decorations.

You were such an amazing kid. You were such an inspiration to me, and you still are. Remember that one right when you were crying because you said you were bad and I told you that can’t be true because you were the world to Kate and I? I meant that with all of my heart.

I’m sorry you’ll never get to teach Torin and Evan how to play hockey and baseball with me. I’ll teach them all about you. You’ll always be my MVP Vlad.

Thank you for calling me daddy. I’m sorry I wasn’t a better father. I keep the picture you drew me for Father’s Day- yes, I got it, your teacher delivered it to me. It made me cry happy tears when I got it. I’m glad you thought I was the best father ever. Thank you that you loved me just the way I was. Wheelchair and scars and all. Thank you for saying when you grew up you wanted to be just like me because you thought I was so strong.

I haven’t had a drink or anything since last year. I wanted to tell you that. I know you never understood why I got ill so often and why Kate always worried but when you were older I wanted to tell you how you inspired me to quit. Now I’ve quit and you’re still inspiring me but you’re not here for me to tell you.

I wish I could have been your father for longer. I remember when you told me you wanted me to be your daddy but you said you weren’t a very good son. That wasn’t true Vlad. You were an amazing son.

I hope when you passed away you remembered how much I love you. I hope so much you never forgot that. You were never alone in that hospital room. Daddy and mummy and both your little brothers were standing right there with you even if the doctors wouldn’t let us in.

You were too young and good to die. I’m sorry Vlad. I wish I could change time and you could still be here. I wish I could have done something differently. I wish I could have spent every second of every day with you.

You’ll always mean so much to me. I don’t know what happens after death. But, see, it’s not really important, Vlad, because you will always live on forever in my memories and in my heart.

Thank you for letting me be your dad. Thank you for being my son.

[cantstopcrying]

((((((((((((((vince))))))))))))))) I'm so sorry that someone so special to you was taken away from you. I know how very much you adore him. I think it's amazing of you to write this out. And early too; you're right, you don't want to be slammed on the anniversay. Vlad sounds like an amazing kid and as lucky as you feel to have had him in your life, he was very lucky to have you and kate.

it touched my heart
it hasn't been touched in awhile you know

[bearchic34]

I am so sorry about the loss of your son. I lost a daughter too. She was stillborn almost 6 years ago.
I am sure your son knows how much you love him & I believe with all my heart that he is there with you. Kids know more then we adults do in emotional cases. They have a knack for knowing how we feel before we can express it to them.
Be gentle to yourself. I would love to see your son if you would like to share. I know how important it is for people to remember he lived...my sweet Sarah never took a breath outside my body but it doesn't change the fact she lived. Except some people don't understand the little things we need as bereaved!!!
~gentle hugs & angel kisses~

((griffe)) my thoughts and prayers are with you

Wow, Griffe. I cannot believe it has been a year already.

That was a beautiful letter.

[pegasus]

((((((((((( Griffe ))))))))))))

[selfy]

*cries*

*steals vince and hugs him till its all better*

love to you vince. stay strong.

[Polperro]

((((Griffe)))),

Your letter was full of love and it moved me to tears

Take Care of you
Polperro

thank you everyone. it's so hard to be strong. i've tried to be strong for so long. i don't allow myself to grieve very often. the what-ifs, the should have beens...

[idontknow13]

((((((griffe))))))
my thoughts are with you

some stuff i wrote last year for him...

Trickling down the bubbling stream
Floating slowly without a care
Soft and drifting, like a dream
Delicate as the summer air
Growing blossoms greet the sky
The melody of winged friends
Fluttering wings of the butterfly
Their beauty and light transcends
Light aroma, sweet as honey
Puffy clouds of white
Rays of gold, gleaming sunny
Fill the rare delight
Sacred rainbow forms up high
Each vibrant hue tells a tale
I'll hold back tears and say goodbye
As he skips upon the coloured trail

You were too good to ever let go
But I know the Astral will keep you tight
My little boy, eyes aglow
Will always be in my sight

Even in the night, when the sun goes to bed
The Fireflies will glow for you, and help lift your head
You'll walk amongst dewy grass, the trees will be your chair
And listen very closely, you'll always hear my prayer
The wolves will stand up, and sing to the moon
Singing to our Ancestors, and Spirits of the Divine
Even The Raven will hear, and join into the tune
Though you're no longer human, you'll always be mine

wrote that last year for him.

Hear me now, Great Spirits of the land
Soothe his soul, hold his hand
Oh Great Spirits, hear me pray
Clear the path, show him the way

Mighty Bear, guard him tight.
Shining Eagle, be his light.
Clever Fox, keep him near.
Sly Hyena, end his fear.

How can I keep going,
Without you by my side.
My child has done growing,
With the Spirits he'll reside.

You were too young to perish,
I keep you in my heart.
Our memories I'll cherish,
With the Spirits, your brand new start.
Above the clouds you'll fly, with the mighty Birds,
On the ground you're welcome, travel with the herds.
In the deep blue ocean, swim with the fish,
I pray you'll find peace, that's my only wish.

I'm sorry I couldn't be what you never had,
An amazing father, a perfect dad.
You deserved so much better then what you got,
I'll love you forever, you won't be forgot.

I feel empty, fragile as glass,
Without you, how can I last?
I'm still crying, but I'm grateful too
That you were in my life, and I had a chance to care for you

wrote that last year too.

[notz]

(((((Griffe))))) + ((((((Vlad)))))) FOREVER

[Blue93]

(((((((((((vince))))))))))))))) (((((((((((((((((vlad))))))))))))))))))) (((((((((((((((kate))))))))))))))))

[bearchic34]

~tears~ my heart breaks for you