Way too much

this may sound a bit odd...but then I am... I am also half a world away from my mums grave - apicture of her gravestone used to help me - and my family took a small spoon of soil from the gravesite and put it in a house plant so they always have that connection.

NOw I keep pics of her ..and others smiling an happy and place a flower next to them on their birthdays and christmas and easter - it helps me to try to remember the few good times I can.

take care - and try to be kindto you and do one good thing a day for you because you deserve it ok

I have a pic with my dad's name on it but my mother's isn't even engraved yet. They tell us they are back logged because of rain delays. Hmmm. It's been six months now. They can't wear a raincoat?

Blossom ,,,, For all that You have shouldered ,,, and the ones who have gone ,,
The being left behind part ,,,,, From what I have been told so numerous times ,,,,, [ not your time yet ] .........

Even to me ,,, I Tear up ,, Just from wondering why [ ? ] ...
You do have ALOT of Cool in You Blosssom .....

.

WMD.

(((((((OB))))))))

Possum

Thank you all so much. I'm just so freakin' sad lately. I think it's all just catching up with me and now I have an excuse to have one hell of a pity party.

hello my friend...i am so sorry for all your sadness........i pray that the sun will shine in your life very soon..i love you

((((((((((((((((((((((Orange)))))))))))))))))))))

((((orangeblossom))))

do somthing nice for you ok - eat an icecream - buy yourself some sweet smeeling flowers - unless you have hay fever

try to take care of yourself ok - take care P7

I'm trying. I'll be okay. Just find myself in a bad place at the moment. Thanks for caring.

orange blossom

I finally understand why people check out.

What ya loking for blossom ? permission ? .... excuse the " F " out of ME !!!!

You I Look up to as a Part of my past ,,, as a peep from the trenches of youthful " do the right thing " at the time .....

Check out ???

We never run so far as to not be able to find our way home .....
even when what we once had was not exactly perfect .

Now Blossom ,,,,,, Cut The S H I T !!!!! You a whole LOT stronger than your last post !

. .

WMD.!

understanding is ok - realising the pain it caused you when others did it and the pain it would cause others if you did it is somthing to bear in mind my friend.

These days are dark and the light seems far away - but it will get better - I am still here sitting with you - as we all are - you are not alone - not unloved - you are cared about and for and we are here - take care of you

(((((((((orange))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
MY friend ........... you are not allowed to right now ok?
what would i do with out my sister unbilcail or not. ((spell check please)))))))

Where are you orange blossom.........

(((((((orange blossom)))))))))
your friends care sooo much for you let them help and love you and take away some of the pain

please let us know how you are

(((((((Orange Blossom))))))),

Sometimes we need a switch to just shut if all off......getting our mind to shut if all off & focus on some good things in life.....there are times when our mind ends up in a trap which is holding all the memories swirling around.......until we let ourselves out of the trap & break the thinking that is hurting so much.....we can't let it go.

Sometimes we need to just go somewhere, take a vacation, do something that takes us completely out of where we are for awhile.....even a couple of week vacation.......but I have found that the only way I have been able to break the thoughts are to take myself completely away from the trap I am in to break the cycle.

It doesn't mean the memories will go away....sometimes we are afraid of loosing the memories of the people we loved......but it helps to get rid of the stuck memories, put in completely other thoughts for awhile to clear our mind & then good thoughts & memories will start to trickle back in.

I know this has helped me many times while trying to survive the memories which were no where close to the memories you have had to go through......but when my mind gets flooded with bad thoughts, I have to clear my memory get completely away from the thoughts (a vacation, or some complete change to break my thoughts long enough to clear it all out)......when I come back to where I was, it isn't anything like what it was when I left & it takes awhile for the thoughts that were bothering me to build up again & it seems they never do build up to where they were.....but each time it happens & I am able to break where my mind is, the build us is less & less each time.

Just a thought that might be able to help.......it is sort of a checking out process.....but a good checking out process......a cruise......a vacation, just getting completely away.....but the mind has to let go to think completely of something good & beautiful & fun. Our mind needs that break after all the pain it has been holding onto.....as the mind can only hold so much without breaking itself......the only way we can really switch the mind off when it's so full is to completely get away & change everything for a little while. I found that a 2 week vacation was good for this myself....the first week was the letting go process, the second week was finally relaxed & the mind started to enjoy & fill itself with where I was, all the joy & pleasure of my current surroundings......by then, I was getting my strength back enough to feel ok about going back to my current surroundings & I had distinced myself enough that I was able to let go of the pain......so the painful surroundings I was going back to took awhile to even effect me again.

Hopefully you will be able to find a way to take a needed break so you don't break....cause without the break, the only break you will end up with is you.......PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.....I know your hurts are so much greater than anything I experiences, & I know how bad I needed breaks like this to be able to cope with the pain in my memory.


Debbie

Thanks for your support everyone.

Again, I think the recent suicide has spun me into orbit. My 38 year old brother died from an overdose of Heroin. I never considered that to be "suicide". Accidental maybe, but T made a lot of sense when she talked about self-destructive behaviors, death wishes and just not caring whether you live or die from your behaviors.

My 42 year old brother died of Aids from needles and again, that didn't seem like suicide at the time. . . but I guess any gesture (like my sister-in-law swallowing pills because life is unbearable) that could result in death has to be looked at like "slow, eventual suicide".

I dunno. What the hell is the difference. They're gone. Screw 'em. They weren't there for me as a kid and they're not here for me now. Goes to show how important I was when matched up to heroin.

Thanks for listening.

you need to take care of you now my friend -

(( orange)))
I am so sorry for all your losses .
I have sort of the same predicament as you found yourself ( and its never any ones fault for another persons actions when it comes to free will or lack of)
A person can only observe, advise and react in situations were addictions come into play and all this is just my opinion which maybe right or wrong but its mine ok.

you can never win out on substance abuse no matter what people say. If a person doesn't WANT to give things up you have a snow flakes chance trying to help them .
My brother had it all and living the comfortable life .But his addictions caught up to him and then his wife . he got out of it (so he tells me, but I tend to believe him)
things never got to the all the way point but his wife is now a mess of her own doing plus her daughter only14 is headed down the same track but there is nothing I can do . but wait and see and hope. AS with you there is nothing but your own soul to look after you cant be held accountable for just plain DUMB actions of another.
In the long run you must be comfortable with you .
If we front that sort of self destructive behavior you will always get the same " what do you know " response

there are many many people just online here that care for your well being and safety so if you need ,just talk to them and let it all out .
get stark raving angry at your family for leaving you here all alone.

If things get way too much just find someone to anchor to .
to be there for them and they be there for you .

and thanks for letting mye get things out - didnt mean to steal your thunder -

but I know the feeling of total loss ........
BE SAFE

Blossom ,,, If I could find a comforting thought or word to share ,,,,

I would suggest as I am trying to do ,,,,,Put a Period Behind It .
Certainly we will have memories ,, pictures to look at ,,,,, but I sure as hell will not live my life or exist for the rest of my life thinking about what coulda mighta been .

Take care .. I mean only good >>>..... anfd find a smile in ya .

WMD.

You're right, WMD. Thanks.

{{{{{{{{{{ ~h u g s~ }}}}}}}}}}}}wmd.