Is not liking this.

possum220 · Apr 26, 2010 at 03:24 AM

My mother passed away nearly 8 months ago. I have lost a father and a brother and other family and friends and I have come to one conclusion.

I think the process of grieving stinks. It hurts and its hard. Not ever ready for those sneaky little moments that jump up and bite you in the butt.

I wanna yell at some of them but the cant hear me. I cant tell them things they should have known. I never knew how quickly death just sweeps in at times.

I don't like the fact that they can slip in and out of dreams without my say so. There are so many things to wait for still. And yes I know its normal......but no-one ever said anything about liking it.

Rhapsody · Apr 26, 2010 at 11:47 AM

possum220 · Apr 26, 2010 at 08:53 PM

Sorry for the dummy spit..............

notz · Apr 26, 2010 at 10:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by possum220

My mother passed away nearly 8 months ago. I have lost a father and a brother and other family and friends and I have come to one conclusion.

I think the process of grieving stinks. It hurts and its hard. Not ever ready for those sneaky little moments that jump up and bite you in the butt.

I wanna yell at some of them but the cant hear me. I cant tell them things they should have known. I never knew how quickly death just sweeps in at times.

I don't like the fact that they can slip in and out of dreams without my say so. There are so many things to wait for still. And yes I know its normal......but no-one ever said anything about liking it.

Possum, my friend,

I support you in the grieving sucks department. I'm not fond of butt biting either.

My sister's were visiting this weekend. Our deceased parents came up many times. One thing my oldest sister said stuck with me. She said, I wish we could visit every now and then, meaning our parents. That sounded so nice, I wish it could be true.

I do have "visits" but not in the way she meant. I have a special place in my yard that is just for memories and conversations in my head with my parents and others. Who's to say they don't hear us?

Yep, don't have to like it.

Sabrina · Apr 27, 2010 at 02:51 AM

((((Possum))))

possum220 · Apr 27, 2010 at 06:47 AM

Well if they could read what was in my head both my parents ears would be burning. I just don't understand the whole process after a person passes. Dotting the Is and crossing the T's. The whole funeral thing where people who didn't give a damn in real life turn up at the funeral?

We didn't even advertise Mum's because of the stink it would kick up for religious reasons.

And what's the whole deal with possessions and who gets what..... and when you get it what are you supposed to do with it? My brother thinks I am nuts at the moment.

Mums ashes wont be put in the ground for another 2 months. GRRRRR.

Sorry yes still ranting.....

And no I havent cried much and don't expect to....................

Rhapsody · Apr 27, 2010 at 03:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by possum220

And no I havent cried much and don't expect to....................

I did not cry for six months after my daughters death... and when I did finally cry it hit me from out of now where - I believe every one grieves in their own way and I have also found that some people dont grieve at all.

possum220 · Apr 28, 2010 at 07:28 AM

Well, I finally have taken advice that I have given to others in PC.

I am writing to my mother words that she will never hear, but it doesn't matter. I just have to get them out so I can move on.

notz · Apr 29, 2010 at 08:08 PM

Go for it...

Sabrina · Apr 30, 2010 at 04:46 AM

Well done Possum. I hope this action brings you some much needed peace.

blanche · May 04, 2010 at 11:34 PM

I never journaled before but after the loss of my fiance I decided to try it. Writing down my feelings really did make me feel better. I hope you had the same result Possum.

notz · May 05, 2010 at 05:35 PM

How are you with the words, Possum?

possum220 · May 06, 2010 at 02:14 AM

My shrink thinks I am good with words.

I have written two letters. One to each of my parents and it seems to have eased my angst a little. I suspect that I will need to do this for a while, but the outlet is so crucial to healing.

Even if my parents cant hear what I say, its still important to feel heard. They didn't hear me in my life time. Now I can say whatever I want. It is helping me to find some balance. Surprisingly I have found some positives and finally feel like I am growing up a little.

I do really thank each of you for being supportive.

Sabrina · May 06, 2010 at 04:23 AM

Another hug for you ((((Possum)))) I love your positivity!

notz · May 06, 2010 at 10:49 AM

Dear Possum, I'm glad for your progress. here for you...

blanche · May 08, 2010 at 12:01 AM

"Even if my parents cant hear what I say, its still important to feel heard".
I think you hit the nail on the head! That is so true.

Hunny · May 19, 2010 at 08:25 PM

Possum220,

I have been elsewhere lately but know I am thinking of you in your efforts on this matter.

possum220 · Jun 08, 2010 at 06:23 PM

I found out yesterday that my Mums ashes are now in a rose garden.

I just want to go and talk to her.

She also loved candy. I feel like putting some barley sugars into the soil.

Sabrina · Jun 09, 2010 at 03:27 AM

Are you able to go visit her? I think that might be quite healing. Putting some barley sugars into the soil is also a good idea. I hope you find peace.

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Rhapsody Wise Elder Member Since Jan 2006 Location: Florida Posts: 9,946 18 1 hugs given	Apr 26, 2010 at 11:47 AM #2
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possum220 Legendary Member Since Jan 2009 Location: Uppa Gumtree West Posts: 19,397 (SuperPoster!) 15 7,984 hugs given	Apr 26, 2010 at 08:53 PM #3 Sorry for the dummy spit..............
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Sabrina Wisest Elder Ever Member Since Feb 2006 Location: South Africa Posts: 67,808 (SuperPoster!) 18 1,653 hugs given	Apr 27, 2010 at 02:51 AM #5 ((((Possum)))) __________________ Crying isn't a sign of weakness. It's a sign of having tried too hard to be strong for too long.
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possum220 Legendary Member Since Jan 2009 Location: Uppa Gumtree West Posts: 19,397 (SuperPoster!) 15 7,984 hugs given	Apr 28, 2010 at 07:28 AM #8 Well, I finally have taken advice that I have given to others in PC. I am writing to my mother words that she will never hear, but it doesn't matter. I just have to get them out so I can move on.
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notz Wisest Elder Ever Member Since Oct 2008 Location: Notzville Posts: 60,397 (SuperPoster!) 15 6,732 hugs given	Apr 29, 2010 at 08:08 PM #9 Go for it... __________________ notz
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Sabrina Wisest Elder Ever Member Since Feb 2006 Location: South Africa Posts: 67,808 (SuperPoster!) 18 1,653 hugs given	Apr 30, 2010 at 04:46 AM #10 Well done Possum. I hope this action brings you some much needed peace. __________________ Crying isn't a sign of weakness. It's a sign of having tried too hard to be strong for too long.
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blanche Member Member Since Apr 2010 Posts: 20 14	May 04, 2010 at 11:34 PM #11 I never journaled before but after the loss of my fiance I decided to try it. Writing down my feelings really did make me feel better. I hope you had the same result Possum.
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notz Wisest Elder Ever Member Since Oct 2008 Location: Notzville Posts: 60,397 (SuperPoster!) 15 6,732 hugs given	May 05, 2010 at 05:35 PM #12 How are you with the words, Possum? __________________ notz
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Sabrina Wisest Elder Ever Member Since Feb 2006 Location: South Africa Posts: 67,808 (SuperPoster!) 18 1,653 hugs given	May 06, 2010 at 04:23 AM #14 Another hug for you ((((Possum)))) I love your positivity! __________________ Crying isn't a sign of weakness. It's a sign of having tried too hard to be strong for too long.
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notz Wisest Elder Ever Member Since Oct 2008 Location: Notzville Posts: 60,397 (SuperPoster!) 15 6,732 hugs given	May 06, 2010 at 10:49 AM #15 Dear Possum, I'm glad for your progress. here for you... __________________ notz
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blanche Member Member Since Apr 2010 Posts: 20 14	May 08, 2010 at 12:01 AM #16 "Even if my parents cant hear what I say, its still important to feel heard". I think you hit the nail on the head! That is so true.
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Hunny Grand Magnate Member Since Jan 2009 Posts: 3,982 15 127 hugs given	May 19, 2010 at 08:25 PM #17 Possum220, I have been elsewhere lately but know I am thinking of you in your efforts on this matter.
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possum220 Legendary Member Since Jan 2009 Location: Uppa Gumtree West Posts: 19,397 (SuperPoster!) 15 7,984 hugs given	Jun 08, 2010 at 06:23 PM #18 I found out yesterday that my Mums ashes are now in a rose garden. I just want to go and talk to her. She also loved candy. I feel like putting some barley sugars into the soil.
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Sabrina Wisest Elder Ever Member Since Feb 2006 Location: South Africa Posts: 67,808 (SuperPoster!) 18 1,653 hugs given	Jun 09, 2010 at 03:27 AM #19 Are you able to go visit her? I think that might be quite healing. Putting some barley sugars into the soil is also a good idea. I hope you find peace. __________________ Crying isn't a sign of weakness. It's a sign of having tried too hard to be strong for too long.
	Reply With Quote