when the bottom falls out

A month ago I found out I was pregnant. Not exactly the best time becuase my job was going to be moving to the state I always talked about moving back to. I was excited about the new job and the idea of finally having a baby - I'll be 40 soon and this would be my first one.

Two weeks later I lost the baby. The doctor said there was nothing I did wrong, it just wasn't meant to be. She also wanted to do some blood work to make sure about things. I jumped as she put the needle in my arm and for another week or so I'll have a huge reminder on the inside of my elbow.

Then earlier this week they told me the job in new place wouldn't happen for another year, if at all. I wasn't really looking forward to the move itself, but going back to the place I didn't really want to leave in the first place.

Needless to say these events didn't help my depression. Now my husband says I'm just supposed to cheer up. I may have lost the only chance I will have to be a mother - just weeks before Mother's Day and have to spend another year away from the place I love. How can I "just cheer up" after all that? He doesn't understand that I need to cry - he keeps telling me it hurts him when I do. I really don't want to cry at work all the time, but there understand it a little more - lots of moms who lost a baby at one point or another.

Thanks for letting me vent.

(((robin620))) - I'm very sorry you lost your baby - I can't adequately express the right words to equal your loss. It's also unfortunate your job/move didn't happen as planned.

You're so right, this is a huge loss and you're entitled to feel what you need to feel. It's hard for men to understand and truly, only a woman who's suffered the same loss, would really know what you feel like.

I have 2 girls 8 & 11 but they were both born 7 weeks early. The youngest was an emergency case - I was bleeding and had to go by ambulance. I was extremely worried about losing her and could have lost both, if it was any earlier. I had my youngest when I was 42, so when you're up to it, think about trying again.

You're justified is feeling this pain and you can't just cheer up or get over it, until you're ready. I agree your husband might not know how to comfort you, not because he doesn't love you, but because he doesn't know how. He might be feeling pain too, but is afraid of his own emotions and it probably does hurt him to see you cry. Gentle hugs to you Robin

Sometimes I think the hardest losses are those that other people "just don't get". It seems easier for others to have empathy when there is an actual funeral and alot of time was spent with the loved one. Even when my fiance passed away, I could not believe that people would say "Cheer up". Cheering up was not what I needed! I needed to grieve in whatever manner I found helpful. Please do not let others dictate how you are supposed to feel. If you do, your depression will just come out in some other way. I say "of course you are sad after losing your baby and at the loss of the opportunity to be a mother".