[romanjames2004]

so my dad unfortunatley passed away in February and I just havn't wanted to talk about it because I mentaly try to block any revivment of him because it still sort of hurts.

A quick history.

2007- Right before christmas my dad leaves for another women and I dont see him until March of 2009.

2009- March ,I see my dad.
Christmas 2009- I find out my dad is termanally ill.

december 26th 2009- I see my dad in hospitol looking entirely different thatn how I remember him due to his illness.

Janurary 2010- Moves back into house with hospice care then later goes to a hospice center.
february 2010- Passes away.

I quickly cleaned up any evidence of him... It was extremely hard for me but I did in tears. Well, its already June and I still feel sort of traumatized by the whole incedent. I htink about it all the time. I basicly obsess over it. Every one else in my fmaily is pretty ok but I;m the one who just can't cope.

Is it abnormal that I am not coping in a certain amount of time. I mean I know every one copes at thier opwn pace but my coping has almost turned into haunting. I mean I blame my self and feel extremely guilty that I didnt see him for such a long time but I know it wasn't my fault. But I just keep thinking Its taking to long to cope. My grandma passed away last november and I still have issues with that.

Sory I don't mean to rant but this is my only place to kind of let it out lol.

What do you think?

Thank's for reading.

roman

[Sabrina]

I don't have any words of wisdom but wanted to offer you my condolences on the loss of your father

[ECHOES]

I'm so sorry you lost your Dad--twice in a period of several years and after 'finding' him again and reuniting.

You can have regrets without blaiming yourself and feeling guilty. The period of time you didn't see him was the result of his decisions that hurt you. His illness and death doesn't negate that; both are true.
You did what was right for you at the time. What else can anyone do but that.
He left you twice.
There must be a lot of very understandable anger in your grief. You are so angry that you want to erase any traces of him so you don't have to feel that anger. Anger is a big part of grief, and it is okay to feel and to talk about with a therapist or even a group that meets for grief counselling.

[Rohag]

I'm sorry for your losses, RomanJames.

Hmmm...

• Complicated history -- complicated grieving?
• Loss of two significant family members within a short time...
• Your own preexisting challenges...
• Your individuality...

I don't know, but I don't think it's necessarily surprising you find your feelings at this time outside "normal" bounds. ("Normal" -- there's an endless subject...)

Later on, may you find you grieved well.

[infpman]

sorry for your loss. Wish you healing.

[(JD)]

I'm so sorry for your losses...yes losses because it was more than "just" your dad, but all that goes along with him, hopes for future love and changes of past.

You seem to be doing fine when it comes to mourning. It will take at least 2 years I suspect, to begin to put this a bit behind you and move on. In the Jewish tradition, when a parent passes they don't do anything major for a whole year, the trauma is so great.

It's just been a year since my mom's passing (May 31st) and I just now had to sort through more of her things (I had had them in storage) and the crying jags were often and deep. But it's no longer lingering with me all day long. I still have her checking account open ... partly because I'm a trustee of her estate (which has been dissolved) though some late paperwork might still come through ... and partly because it's one of the last threads of connection in real life, to her. (I just realized I haven't removed her phone number from my old phone. :sobbing

Everyone moves through the death of a family member, loved one, friend, in their own way and there is no real "wrong" way (unless they act out and attack others, you know what I mean...) ...

Keep on ... one foot in front of the other. As you heal, you will gain revelations of the history with your father, and may have many "ah ha!) moments ... I suspect his returning to you and family at the end of his life was because he knew you really know what love is, and he wanted it?

Peace.