Am I grieving and that is all this is?

A friend of mine from grad school suggested that I am grieving over the loss of the person I thought I was going to marry, and that is all this is....

....and that everyone (therapists) is blowing it up into this huge mess....

I agree with her but think that I was also traumatized by the way everything played out...the fact that none of it was "real" and that this man was a liar and had legal problems I knew nothing about.

I am sick of trying to figure out why I feel this way but she pulled out her research on the stages of grief and it sounds a lot like how I feel...except I can't get to the "acceptance" phase.

Nevermind. I have no idea what is wrong with me except that..

When it rains it pours.

I think it is both but mostly you are grieving maybe what was and what COULD/SHOULD have been....that is still grief.......I am sorry for your pain

Hugs

No matter the source of your emotions, your emotions are still important.

Information on the stages of grief might be helpful, but we are not all the same, and we don't all proceed smoothly from one stage to another.

In my experience, healing and process isn't a case of a straight line up to chart success. More like a spiral or roller coaster type wavy line.

Is your friend uncomfortable with your grief and now trying to minimize it?

Sarah

It sounds like you're dealing with a double helping of grief, Yack. You've got to grieve for the man himself, but you also have the loss of finding out he's not the person you thought he was. Kinda like losing two people instead of just one.

acceptance can take a very long time. hang in there. it will come

Yes, hang in there. Some days you will feel you have moved on, and the next, you will wallow in self pity, as you know. Write unmailed letters to the man expressing how you feel. Maybe have a little funeral in the back yard. Those things might work. Acceptance will come eventually. This is not the end, it can be a new beginning like leaving home for the first time with similiar conflicting emotions but with a new adventure.

yes, you probably are grieving and no that isn't "all" that is... cognitive distortions leave us unprepared for events that happen... THAT is a big deal..and one I'm sure your T is trying to help you with... keep on keeping on (((hugs))))