Not sure what's behind the door

I'm pretty amazed at one thing that's happening. It's the generalized sucking of energy. There is a black hole in place of my mother's heart. Sometimes.

I grieve her passing in stages. I think that's what I'm doing, anyway.

If all I get out of this is tired (ignoring the tears, for a moment), then it is the best I can have. I think so.

She has responded to our attention. She looks forward to meeting with the community care assessment nurse (I think). She said she needed to think about it, but I really think she wants the help, and the human contact. She just can't look too eager.

It's hard to maintain martyr status when you're accepting help that decreases the pain of being a martyr. It remains to be seen just what twist(s) will be put on things. Just exactly how she will reinforce her martyrdom.....as I continue to cut the strings that bind us together.

I am grateful for the opportunity to simply type this, today.

{{{{{{{{{{{{Lar}}}}}}}}}}}}

That's for the little guy. The child within. I know how meaningful this is to him.

Lar

I'm pretty amazed at one thing that's happening. It's the generalized sucking of energy. There is a black hole in place of my mother's heart. Sometimes.

I grieve her passing in stages. I think that's what I'm doing, anyway.

If all I get out of this is tired (ignoring the tears, for a moment), then it is the best I can have. I think so.

She has responded to our attention. She looks forward to meeting with the community care assessment nurse (I think). She said she needed to think about it, but I really think she wants the help, and the human contact. She just can't look too eager.

It's hard to maintain martyr status when you're accepting help that decreases the pain of being a martyr. It remains to be seen just what twist(s) will be put on things. Just exactly how she will reinforce her martyrdom.....as I continue to cut the strings that bind us together.

I am grateful for the opportunity to simply type this, today.

{{{{{{{{{{{{Lar}}}}}}}}}}}}

That's for the little guy. The child within. I know how meaningful this is to him.

Lar

{{{{{{{{{{Larry}}}}}}}}}} I am sending good vibes in your direction!

{{{{{{{{{{Larry}}}}}}}}}} I am sending good vibes in your direction!

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Lar}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Our mothers seem to be similar sorts. I commend you for being able to cut the ties that bind, even if bit by bit, and painfully. I still am too fearful of my mother, even though she is 77 years old and I'm bigger than her, and stronger, and smarter, to try to cut those ties.

You're doing hard work, both on yourself and for your mother. Please take some time to do something nice for yourself. I'm thinking of you.

Hugs,
Candy

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Lar}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Our mothers seem to be similar sorts. I commend you for being able to cut the ties that bind, even if bit by bit, and painfully. I still am too fearful of my mother, even though she is 77 years old and I'm bigger than her, and stronger, and smarter, to try to cut those ties.

You're doing hard work, both on yourself and for your mother. Please take some time to do something nice for yourself. I'm thinking of you.

Hugs,
Candy

I live this in my work every day Lar. It would be presumptuous of me to assume that I know what your mother is thinking, but you have to attempt to do your best to put yourselve into her shoes. I commend you for respecting her right to self-determination (social work-speak, but an intuitive concept nonetheless). Even after mental incapacitation most us us would want to have decisions made on our behalf made as if we ourselves were making them. This is the foundation principle of advancce directives (called substitute judgement). Has your mother executed a Power of Attorney for Health Care (if such a thing exists in Canada)?

I wish you both the best.
Topher

Hey Toph. I didn't know you came 'round here.

When I originated this thread, I was afraid of entering her home only to discover her corpse. That was what I had to steel myself against. The rest, now that we know what's up, is just details.

Yes, we plan on obtaining a medical power of attorney. Separate financial power of attorney, as well. They're even more important for my father, as he already has periods of incompetency. I've got both parents to manage, but with the excellent support and collaboration of my sister. It was amazing, to have them both come onto the radar screen within days of each other. I had only just got my head around looking after my dad, when this other situation arose. They have no contact with each other, but they were married for 44 years. It's as if she somehow knew. The synchronicity is astounding.

Thanks for your comforting words. Much appreciated.

Lar

((((((((((((((Lar))))))))))))))))))
Just wanted to let you know your in my thoughts! My mother was very manipulative when she became ill. My brother and I used to be close until she started to tell him one thing then tell me another. Since her funeral we have not talked. But when I was a teen I was her caregiver and I ended up letting myself be drawn into her illness. I am so glad you have your sister and she has you for support. You need that! The one thing I really wish I would have done was seperate myself from her situation. It is very easy as children to get pulled in. Please tell yourself you have done everything in your power you can. Find comfort in that as well as in the support you receive from your sister.
HUGS
Cher

You have a long difficult journey ahead, my friend. Likely one in which your acts of support and kindness will largely go thankless and unappreciated, I'm afraid. You have to realize that each one of us could be rendered helpless and completely dependent on others in the blink of an eye, by some catastrophic illness or accidental injury. What you do for you parents, especially given your circumstances, is a supreme act of love for them, and if you think about it, for yourself. I respect you immensely for transcending your painful past to become the caregiver you evidently never had.
Topher

Thank you, Toph. Your post was a gift. It opened one more door to mourning my childhood. As the sobs poured out of me, I knew those feelings represented the departure of that pain from my being. One less weight, gone, to be carried no longer.

Hugs,
Lar

lar.......so glad to hear that you have been able to rid yourself of a little pain.thanks to topher......topher...you are awesome and lar.....you are a great man...

Yes, you are indeed a great man!!