Being afraid it will happen again

I have a problem I don't know what to do with...
I struggle with that almost 4 years right now. In 2008 I lost three persons from my family in only 7 months. I coudn't really be in mourning. My mum was really depressed, she needed quite long time to handle it. I had to be strong because I was afraid I will lose her too. Right now everythink at home is ok. Except me...
Every time I'm at home I'm scared that sth will happen. Because I live quite far from my home I though this problems are behind me. Don't really think about this. But when I come back, first couple of days, or actually couple of evenings, are incredible hard. I check every 10 minutes if everythink is ok, sometimes I think: Good, you're so stupid, why you try to listen if they're breathing!!! But I have no idea how can I stop this. Somehow it's stronger then I...
Today is much better then for example last year. But still I have lots of moments when 10 sek. are like eternity because someone doesn't answer his/her phone. The worst is I have no idea even how to tell it to my parents. They think I'm ok and I don't want them to worry anymore about me.
How can a young person deal with sth like that alone? Is it even possible? I don't really want to tell my parents... And don't have any idea what to do...

For one thing, you have to realize that NONE of us has ANY CONTROL over what is going to happen. It doesn't matter how many times you check on someone, you have no control over it. If it's going to happen, it's just plain going to happen! You have to give your fears over to your Higher Power -- if you have one. Ask Him to take your fears away.

I do understand your fears. Several years ago, I also lost 3 members in my family in a very short span of time, and I thought I'd lose my mind -- and at the time my husband was dying too. But I knew there was not a thing I could do about it. I had to accept the fact that it was happening.

Death is part of life. We have to accept that. None of us will live forever. Losing our parents is our greatest fear --- I've lost both of mine and it was the hardest thing I ever have gone thru. I miss my mother terribly, and there are still things I was to tell her or ask her -- she died in 2003. But, she is in a better place.

If you have a pastor, minister, priest, talk to him. It will do you a lot of good. Or, talk with a grief counselor. They also help alot. I wish you the very best. Please take care. God bless! Hugs, Lee

I try to accept all of this. It's hard, especially when every time when it's going to be better suddenly sth happens what makes you only more angry and depressed... This battle is long and hard... thx Leed, I will try to talk with priest again. I did that when all of this happened, but later wasn't ready again for it.

Healing can be very slow; remember that you are slowly getting better? I listen at night sometimes to see if my husband is breathing, we're getting older and he's 7 years older than I am. . .

Some things become habits and, if they bother you, you have to work to replace them with other habits. There are reasons within ourselves why we do things; perhaps I check my husband's breathing when his snoring suddenly stops because he is overweight and I'm afraid he has sleep apnea or perhaps I check because I have asthma/breathing problems of my own and hope/wish someone checks on me?

Accept yourself and your slow progress. See if you can maybe smile/laugh when you catch yourself checking something too often? Remind yourself it happens at specific times (when you first get home) and figure out how to share a little with someone/find comfort for yourself with another.

I feel the same at times. I lost my mom 10 years ago from cancer. It was very hurtful to my family and we all went through depression, we still are...My dad is getting older now too and I feel scared sometimes if he gets sick or if I can't hear him snoring or breathing when hes asleep. Its hard now that I am out of the house now too and he is alone most of the time.

Perna: I'll try to change my reactions when I'll catch myself checking it too often. Till now I was always angry of me. And on the beginning I'm still angry. Because I checked sth again. And I promised to me I wont anymore. I try to convice myself that everythink is fine and I don't have any reason to worry.

I see right now more and more reasons, why this progress is slow. My biggest problem is probably that I can't accept so fast that this progress is slow. It's a bit like a struggle in me between my heart and my mind...