6 year mark

well august 13th is my brothers 6 year mark of him dying he drowned at the age of 24. I can still see in my head that day and how I was feeling and everything its like its happening all over again. I miss him so much. I am not able to be with my family or to go to the lake that he drowned in because I am out of state working and I think it is real hard for me to not get the chance to have that time up there to ponder. My heart aches for him. It isn't getting any easier. I wanted to forget about the day but I just can't. My sister said it was better that I wasn't there because it brought back everything because we drove on the same road over and over again for the 50 days that he was missing and then the area that we sat by watching was hard to but she said a real cool thing happened where we would sit was this sand stone rock shaped like a heart and I feel like that was a message from my brother telling us he loved us and That makes it alittle better. My emotions are all messed up I want to cry but I just can't and I don't know what to feel. I love him so much

((( sad))))) I am so sorry

((((((((sad))))))))))),

I can understand your feelings.....it seems to me from what you said about your brother being missing for 50 days is that your whole family went through the trauma of him being missing & then finding him drowned. I know that after going through a trauma during the time my mother was dying of cancer, the visions of the trauma I went through with her are something I can't get out of my mind either.

I know that my phychologist has told me that the more I go over the trauma & the more I am able to talk about what I went through & the feelings I felt, it will help me put the trauma in it's place. It sounds like you have your family that you have been sharing the trauma with, but maybe it might be a good idea to find a therapist/psychologist that you can talk it over with. They are good at listening & helping you talk through the feelings that you have surrounding the experience. Working through it doesn't make it go away completely either, it just helps distance from the trauma. There are times when I feel that if only I could help others who might end up in a similar situation, it might help me feel that what I went through was for some useful purpose.

I know that I engraved the trauma I went through in my mind because I felt that the police might be able to catch the RN that caused the trauma. The DA had the detective drop the case, but after going over it so often with the police, it is hard to get any of it out of my mind.....besides, it has only been 1 1/2 years.....but probably even after 6 years, it will still be vivid in my mind. For me, I am hoping that moving across the country, I will be able to get the flashbacks out of my mind once I am away from the house & the area.

The support of your family is wonderful, but maybe even your whole family could be helped through the trauma with some outside help. I know that for me, having someone realize that what I went through help me put it into perspective has been a great help with the flashbacks & nightmares. I also need to take a med that helps me sleep for the time being. I am hoping that the need for that will lessen as the time goes by.

Hopefully you can find some help......there is no defined time in greiving especially when it is surrounded by a trauma like a drownding.....but there is help available......& there is nothing wrong in getting someone to help you.......it really can help.
Debbie