Is anyone else grieving someone not dead but gone from their life and they can't see them? I have been told in some ways it's harder than if they were actually dead (which sounds awful), but I guess it's because you know they are "there" but you can't see them. Just wondering, thanks.

[Travelinglady]

Yes, I can relate to that, such as friends who have moved away, and we have lost touch. Some people say in a way that divorce is worse than death, because you know the person still exists but you might not see them again. (A therapist told me that was her experience, anyway. She had one husband who died and one who had divorced her.)

[monarch_butterfly]

So can i. And please know tbat is actually a heayhy response!

I understand what you are saying. I've had many friends that I met at work and after leaving the job they just seem to disappear. It is hard to keep up with these people when you don't see them every day.

[allimsaying]

Yes, I go through phases of missing my son. I waited for him to become an adult and when I contacted him, there was no bond and I was pretty much shoved off. that hurt . Last night I had a dream his mom and I met again and we had a healing talk together. That felt really good but then I woke enough to realize she was the one who helped turn him against me, so I can relate. I dont know if it hurts more but I can verify it hurts a lot. Hugs to everyone.

[konstargirl]

I have!! MY two best friend from the third grade. They were awesome and we would go to each other houses for things.. I miss them.

[bebop]

I grieve a brother that is alive. we haven't been in touch since our Dad died almost 2 yrs ago. I miss him terribly. Our other brother passed away 3 months before our Dad.

[yellowted]

eventhough i chose to cut away from my family because they were detrimental to my mental wellbeing and health, it took me years to get over loosing my mum, i knew i could not put myself through contacting herand all that would follow, but soo wanted to at times. I still miss her sometimes, but know i did the right thing and can never go back.

[avlady]

I was told by an ex boyfriend-"out of sight, out of mind" ouch that didn't hurt!!!!!!

Originally Posted by avlady

I was told by an ex boyfriend-"out of sight, out of mind" ouch that didn't hurt!!!!!!

I have heard that before, too.

Going through this right now. Forced myself to write him a goodbye email earlier this week and finally got the courage up to send it. Wish it felt more like closure than it does at the moment.

It probably would have been easier if he had actually said he didn't want to be friends...but alas...

I feel your pain, traction...

[liveforfish]

Sometimes I mourn the loss of my children's futures due to mental illness. I mourn the loss of who they once were.

There really are so many things to mourn the loss of, really...it's all so sad... and I can't/don't know how to deal with it.

Been in T since I was 7 (almost 30 years) and I CAN'T GRIEVE.

Originally Posted by tractionbeam0610

Been in T since I was 7 (almost 30 years) and I CAN'T GRIEVE.

Do you mean you don't know how to grieve? Or that you can't control how you do so? Or something else?

Originally Posted by FrightenedRabbit

Do you mean you don't know how to grieve? Or that you can't control how you do so? Or something else?

Don't know how to successfully grieve.

[optimize990h]

I am not certain tractionbeam6010, but there's at one least loss that I am not sure whether I grieved properly or not. I have been told there is no proper way to grieve and that sometimes the grief is continuing to be processed. That the grieving process is different for everyone.

i can relate to this:

i used to know someone (louise), and we used to quizz each other, tell jokes, all that kind of stuff.. it was fun!

anyway, without any notice or anything, she changed her address, her email, everything- so we couldn't speak anymore.

i still miss her.. and that was like 5 years ago

[tigerlily84]

This has happened to me as well. I have lost many friends due to depression and anxiety. But I think I'm finally realizing that it wasn't just my fault that these things happened. Friendship is a two-way street.

I found out my friend got engaged via facebook. We've been friends since freshman year of high school and we're in our late 20s. So... we've been friends for a long time. The last time we spoke she told me that she was frustrated having to hear about my depression all the time. Mind you, I did the same for her before she met her now fiance. I'm trying to just let things go now. I feel sad but I definitely miss her. She was my best friend and the closest thing I had to a sister. It's been almost a year now since we've spoken.

I told my grandma all of this recently and she told me to think of her warmly, and to send her good thoughts. She's pretty smart; it's helping I think. Maybe you can try the same thing. Sending warm thoughts to all of you.

Sorry for the long post!

I go thru this too. I am in deep grief still over a big handful of friends and children that are no longer in my life for various reasons but they are still alive, and there are some days when it is just very hard on me.

[Missqueenbliss]

Well I'm in the middle of dealing with something like that, my best friend and I are having .. Problems, she just recently told me that she has feelings for my ex and vice versa but I'm finding it hard to let her go. Yeah it feels like it hurts more, the betrayal from the both of them made me feel like someone I really cared about had died but they're not and all I can think about is them two together -_-

[LishaXYZ]

Originally Posted by yellowted

eventhough i chose to cut away from my family because they were detrimental to my mental wellbeing and health, it took me years to get over loosing my mum, i knew i could not put myself through contacting herand all that would follow, but soo wanted to at times. I still miss her sometimes, but know i did the right thing and can never go back.

I completely relate to the family thing. I too had no contact with my mother because of her abuse. For 6 months I had no contact with her and told her that if she contacted me again, I would file a restraining order against her. Well, lucky for me, I was in alanon and have been for over 15 years. I was able to heal through those rooms enough to have a relationship with my mother again. HOWEVER, I have limits as to how often I talk to her, how intimate I will get with her, and how and when we communicate. At first I was glad she was out of my life, but then I genuinely started to miss her. She's 71 years old. I also thought about her dying without my having reconciled my feelings. I wanted to have a clean slate and no regrets. Still, I didn't allow myself to contact her out of guilt and fear. I waited until I was genuinely able to address my rage against her for her abuse to me. Once I dealt with that, I was okay.

[X Omi]

My best friend of many years has decided that he wants nothing to do with me. I don't know why, but it hurts a lot that I can't talk to him or call him. I can't even talk to him on facebook anymore. I don't know if it hurts more than losing my grandparents as I have this past year, but it definitely hurts a lot.

Originally Posted by Anonymous32825

Is anyone else grieving someone not dead but gone from their life and they can't see them? I have been told in some ways it's harder than if they were actually dead (which sounds awful), but I guess it's because you know they are "there" but you can't see them. Just wondering, thanks.

It is harder, much harder, because there isn't any closure. You can't say goodbye because they are still around, and even though your mind logically knows they are gone for good your heart is always hoping for things to change.

[optimize990h]

I went over some posts since I posted earlier in this thread. I realized that someone I know is having difficulty in overcoming this as well.

A virtual friend can't let go of her relationship for well over a year. She can't get closure and feels very disabled in not being able to move on. I just let her vent if she wants to.

[davmid]

I've been having so much grief over my wife leaving me and losing all that comes with a 20 year relationship. We have children and still own things together and all our money and assets are still combined, so I still have to communicate with her. We have been trading time between the house (until it sells) and an apartment instead of shuffling the kids so reminders are unavoidable. We're not divorced yet so there hasn't been closure. She's in a new relationship. It seems the grief will never end and it's so hard and confusing trying to grieve for many things at once. What makes it so hard to accept is that it all came about due to my chronic depression that went undiagnosed until after she was gone. I pushed her away as well as all of my friends and family. I'm painfully grieving the love and the life that I lost.