How long to mourn...

I know this may sound shallow in comparison to losing a loved one to death, but I have realized this past week that I have been in mourning for over a year now, after having tried and failed at forming a romantic relationship, which ended very hurtfully and humiliatingly to me. I am now secluded and isolating myself, and I was thinking back to Victorian times when women wore black for a substantial period of time before venturing out into society again, and that is how I feel. I'm 55 and this was so very sad and hard for me. I think I am mourning not the loss of the relationship, though I truly loved, but the loss of my own potential for ever having a loving relationship with a man. I don't think it is possible now, or ever.
Again, sorry for posting in this thread about this if it offends anyone. I too have lost people in death, but what I'm speaking of in this particular instance has been worse for me.
Patty

I apologize to all of you in this thread....I tried to delete this posting but it was too late in the day. (One of you mods plese delete if you see this!) I was having a pity party earlier today, and now I see how shallow and self-centered this sounds in comparison to losing a loved one.
Sincere apologies.
Patty

the way I see it grief is grief. you have a right to mourn a lost love! hang in there hon!

Loss is loss, you can mourn for losing a favorite item! I'm still angry at my stepmother because she tried to spraypaint my fingernails black 43 years ago because I bit them and in the struggle, she got my favorite blouse covered in black paint speckles. I've had dresses I've "named" and felt like a wonderful character in. Losing something is painful! Losing a love and a chance for happiness and being afraid you've lost even more than that is very hard to recover from!

But, you can't know what is going to happen tomorrow. You might meet a wonderful guy in the assisted living center when you're 85 and he's 89! You can't know when and where happiness might find you (and even how). I would work on getting unreclused, despite how you feel (feeling and actions don't have to match anymore than thoughts and actions do, the actions can actually change the feelings so you have to be careful how you act). I would think of some creative, "fun" way to memorialize your love/this guy; something symbolic and then figure out a way to get out each day and try some new things. Since you were hurt and humiliated, you might want to find your anger at that and symbolize that in some way, help others (like you have here by posting) in hurtful/humiliating situations; do volunteer work in a women's shelter or something? I am your age. Looking back there are several times I thought things were over but they turned out not to be. Use your memories to remember how things have and do change and how you've moved along in other areas of your life and can do so now in this one.

These are sweet, compassionate replies, Perna and Bebop! Thank you. I just realized it's tiresome to me and all of you here for me to continue to wallow in this, despite the reality that I am being reclusive, and that it feels like a form of grief.
I agree that getting out to do just about ANYTHING is an antidote to my condition, even taking a long walk!
Thank you, friends,
Patty

There are all kinds of grief. Loss of job,relationships, loss of limb,loss of our dreams. They are valid and you don't need to feel silly about them.I thought I read somewhere that grief can take 5-7 years for a woman and roughly 5 for a man or maybe its the reverse but anyway it took me about 5. I did date etc. but never realised at first that I wasn't over it. You'll be ready when your ready but in the meantime go have some fun.