[PTSD101]

Hi fellow travellers

I am hoping that some of you have journeyed through delayed grief or are doing so because I really could do with some help!

In October, 1999, there was a horrible train crash in London in which a mate of mine was killed. For some reason I completely shut down at the same time and existed in a zombie like state until October last year...13 years 'dead'.

What I am really struggling with is that all the things that happened to me and around me throughout all those years are now starting to hit me. For instance today is the anniversary of my Nanna's death. I was really close to her and thought I was coping really well, until today, it's like I only just found out she is dead. She died April 19th, 2000.

Has anyone else experienced these delayed reactions? If you have how did you get through?

It freaks me out because a lot of things have happened in the past 13 years and if this is the beginning of facing them I dread to think how the rest of it is going to be!!!!!!

Thanks so much...101

[LaborIntensive]

I wish I could offer you more than words. I myself have not gone through this exactly. My father died in 2007 and at age 57 and he is always with me. A young person taken in the prime of life can make things very rough especially a best friend or romantic other in our lives.

I would suggest just trying to therapy as it is not normal for this event to hit a person this hard. Greif is of course different for all people but 10+ years and your saying that now it is as if just happened is showing me that there are some repressed emotions and thoughts that should be discussed in the correct ways and in the correct context with someone who knows more than I do.

All we have in life is the memory of anyone we know. When we walk away or close our eyes it is their memory we keep with us and when we see them again it reaffirms these memories and allows new memories to be made with them. Cherish the memories and think of what their presence met in your life as a special treasure but focus as well on your future and the new memories to come.

"May all your lawn mowers FLY"

[PTSD101]

Thanks Labour Intensive you are very kind!

Going to therapy is what got me out of my 'dead' state. I lost my wonderful therapist recently but will ask my new one about this when I next see her. It's a bit overwhelming thinking of all the things I may have to yet feel!!

[Nobodyandnothing]

PTSD,
I have experienced this too. It was/is surreal. I woke up one day and it was like someone opened a window. Things are still terrible but at least I am here. I never thought of it as anything but major depression.

The first thing I did when I realized how much I missed was to call some of my friends whose numbers were programmed into my phone. They all rejected me. I hate it when anyone say (especially my kids) say "do you remember...?" because I don't.

I don't have any advice, but I wanted to tell you that you are not alone

[NWgirl2013]

Yes it is traumatic to go through these things so late after their occurrence. The best thing I can suggest is to be gentle on yourself. Everyone grieves in a different way and it takes time, sometimes repeating the steps of grieving as we adjust.
I would suggest you read some of the work by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross; On Death & Dying comes to mind.
I delayed grieving more than once and it is hard to explain to anyone why it is hitting me Now, which is why I know it is important to allow yourself to grieve as you are able and not on some external timetable.
Best to you ~

[PTSD101]

Originally Posted by Nobodyandnothing

PTSD,
I have experienced this too. It was/is surreal. I woke up one day and it was like someone opened a window. Things are still terrible but at least I am here. I never thought of it as anything but major depression.

The first thing I did when I realized how much I missed was to call some of my friends whose numbers were programmed into my phone. They all rejected me. I hate it when anyone say (especially my kids) say "do you remember...?" because I don't.

I don't have any advice, but I wanted to tell you that you are not alone

Thank you so much!! I was the same...I literally 'woke up' one day awake. I have lost many memories as well.

Thanks for sharing it helps me so much knowing I am not alone

[PTSD101]

Originally Posted by NWgirl2013

Yes it is traumatic to go through these things so late after their occurrence. The best thing I can suggest is to be gentle on yourself. Everyone grieves in a different way and it takes time, sometimes repeating the steps of grieving as we adjust.
I would suggest you read some of the work by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross; On Death & Dying comes to mind.
I delayed grieving more than once and it is hard to explain to anyone why it is hitting me Now, which is why I know it is important to allow yourself to grieve as you are able and not on some external timetable.
Best to you ~

Thank you so much for your kind words and advice! Those are key words there "allowing myself"...thank you! All the best to you as well