I've struggled with this for awhile. I decided to deal with my feelings on this because the pain causes me to binge. I love my sister. She lived in the same town as my parents. So she and her adult children seemed to be called first.

When my Mom died 3 years ago, my sister didn't call me until after her death even though there was a week where she could have called. I would have been there helping and supporting. By her actions, I never got to pray for my Mom, help ease her pain, nothing. The situation came out at the funeral - and I just about died from the pain of it. I was unbelieveable shocked. I even then didn't hear it from my sister. I though "how could I be so out of the loop" that I had no clue. How stupid could I be?

I begged my sister to call me if my father went in the hospital at the time of my Mom's passing. However, she didn't. My father was 2 days in passing. My very Christian Reformed brother-in-law didn't contact me until after either. I asked my brother-in-law "how could you support my sister in this, it is so against our faith" He said " my loyalty is to my wife first and God second."

I hope to heal from the pain of this. My parents passing was painful enough. My sister wanted to be the "only" child.
She got her wish.

[Rhapsody]

[DocClyde]

so sorry (((freewill)))

[sabby]

So sorry for your losses and the pain you are feeling over how things happened. Please know that your parents understand what happened and don't hold you repsonsible. In no way are you guilty of anything.

{{{{{freewill}}}}}

[Boopers]

What a tragedy.

I am so sorry it went down this way. Your sister was very stingy with the whole thing.

I do hope that you can find peace in all of this. Don't blame yourself for not being there. How could you have known?
I'm sure your Mom and Dad both understand.
Bless you,
Hugs,
Boopers

[Soidhonia]

Hello Freewill. I am sorry to hear about your loss. I know sometimes when people go throught the tragedy as you have, they will write a letter to the parents letting them know how you felt then and that you would have been there if you would have known, what was happening. This helps to bring closure to the incident that occured. You can discuss this with your therapist, but I know it has helped many others when closure was hard to obtain, in situations. I am very sorry that you are hurt but I also hope you find some closure that you need to find in order to move on and get past the hurt you are feling. Take care Soidhonia

[(JD)]

Yes, sometimes things that happen around someone's passing are "unbelievable." People act strange sometimes while others fall back into old patterns.

I'm sorry you were the recipient of what appears to be selfishness

I am one who believes in the afterlife, and am assured that your parents understand and know everything about the situation, and hold no grudge toward you for not being there. ((((hugs))))

[Larry_Hoover]

I think I can understand something of your distress, as I find myself angered each time I read your post. I couldn't reply immediately, perhaps because of my own recent losses. I couldn't imagine not hearing from my family at so critical a time. I can't imagine being deprived of an opportunity to shape your own experience of their passing. Your brother-in-law's duty did not end at a list with merely 2 items, IMHO.

I'm really sorry for your loss, and more sorry for how it came to be that way.

Lar