[gruvingal]

I have not seen or spoken to my son in ten months. He is addicted to meth and finally stole from me. I told him if he ever did this that I was done. I grieve this every day. It's different than someone dying. It's like they die every day. I came across a picture of him that was taken when he was just over a year old. He was so happy. I have a lot of guilt for things I did or didn't do when he was younger. I so want to call him and see him, but I also know he needs to grow up and figure things out for himself. I told him I would always be there for him as long as he was clean and sober, but also told him that I cannot be his therapist. My Mother was bi-polar and so am I and I know my son displays a lot of the same behaviors. I have begged him to get help, but he wouldn't do it. I know from experience that the only person who can change you is you. I want so badly to call his Dad whom he lives with and has Parkinson's, but he has enabled him the most by allowing him to live there. He has stolen everything of value from him to get drugs. I have heard nothing from him since the last time we talked about our son last September. As a mother knowing my child is suffering is the worst pain I've ever felt. Every day I grieve about this and have even asked God to take him rather that let him continue to hurt, even at his own hand. I know that must sound terrible, but at least if he was with God I would know where he is and that he is no longer in agony.

[ShyOne]

Gruvingal,

I am so very sorry for what you are going through right now, it has got to be one of the hardest things to do. I have a 23 year old son who is a drug addict and I have not seen or spoken to him since he was 16 (very long story). I have to disagree with you on one thing though... being a mother who has lost a teenage daughter, there is no way that I could do it again. I still struggle with her loss and I forever will. I would much rather see my son get help then to have to bury another. Are there any community help organizations close to where you live that can help with the situation?

Honestly, the death of a child is far worse than anything you could ever imagine. Please feel free to talk to me anytime you need to through here or private message. I will be keeping you and your son in my thoughts.

[gruvingal]

So sorry to hear about your son and daughter. I cannot imagine what it is like to lose a child, although I sometimes feel I have lost my son. Meth is such and evil drug and it has come between us. I pray every day that God will come to him and release him from the grips of his demons. I hope you will find peace one day as I am praying for all parents who have lost children to this epidemic. Thank you for your kind words!

[littlemiss44]

I'm so sorry for what you are going thru...meth is a terrible tragedy to happen to someone. Especially our own children. I wish I could say something to make the pain go away but all I can do is tell you never to lose hope...even if it feels like it's all gone. Pray and pray hard. God bless you and yr son.

[Violet Blue]

Originally Posted by gruvingal

Every day I grieve about this and have even asked God to take him rather that let him continue to hurt, even at his own hand. I know that must sound terrible, but at least if he was with God I would know where he is and that he is no longer in agony.

That does not sound terrible, actually. It sounds like a mother desperate for her son to find peace and I totally get it. I know this sounds trite, but try not to be too hard on yourself. There were things my parents / sibling did and did not do that should have thrown me on the same path of self-destruction, but I chose not to take that path.

Addicition is a beast. Your son is at battle. I hope from the bottom of my heart that he will win it. But if he cannot, my hope for you is that your heart will forgive yourself and begin to heal.