[Anne2.0]

That's what everyone tells me, as I was 51 when my husband died a few months ago. I'm not sure that anyone is ever ready to lose their spouse to death, however old they may be. He was five years younger than me, and had no health problems until he was diagnosed with a lung cancer that had metastasized to his bones by the time they found it. He died four months later. The cancer was brutal and horrible, but his death at home was peaceful and loving.

I'm doing okay, and so is my 13 year old son. I have found, through taking care of the business of dying, that it's uncommon to be widowed at my age. Apparently only 1% of single parents are widowed, and I don't know anyone who lost a spouse while still raising their kids.

I think this just feeds into the out-of-sorts feeling I have that is part of my grief over losing him.I've sorted out the practical things I needed to deal with and now I'm struggling with reinvesting in my work-- I'm self employed. I'm sort of at a loss for how to move forward and I'm wondering if anyone out there has been in a similar place.

I have not had the experience you have had, Anne. But I just wanted to stop by & wish you all the best as you continue your journey.

[Violet Blue]

Oh Anne, I'm so very sorry to hear that.

Yes. You are way too young.

And it hasn't been that long so there's lots of emotions left for you to feel.

Reaching out to people can be very beneficial. Others who have been through it can relate during the times when you feel no one understands. My mom was 38 when my father died. There were four of us kids. I was the youngest at ten years old so I can relate from that perspective.

I will be sending you some positive vibes and wishes that you and your son will be able to move forward when you are both ready.

[lizardlady]

Anne2.0, I'm sorry to hear you were forced to join the young widows group. I was widowed at 46. Thankfully we did not have any children So I did not have to cope with being a single parent on top of being a young widow. There are different problems that come from being widowed young. I found a lot of support and similar minded folks at WidowNet. Sorry, I don't remember the URL for the site, but if you google WidowNet you should find it.

[heatherjlr]

Hi Anne

Sorry to hear about your loss. I think it's normal to feel lost and feel like you have no direction to go in. It has only been a few months for you. It took me 3 months after the loss of my husband to go back to work and when I went back I did half days with another person so I wasn't left alone (we worked together) and slowly worked up to doing a normal working week at 5 months after he died.

I made a decision early on that I would not make any life-changing decisions until after the terrible one year mark. But just 10 months after I made the decision to move to Africa and change my life completely cause I felt like there was nothing left for me at home. I couldn't get motivated at all to work and felt like I had no direction anymore. Fortunately we didn't have any children together.

My suggestion would be to just wait and see how you feel. Try starting easy tasks first to do with your business and what you would have done before, but don't push yourself too much.

[Anne2.0]

Originally Posted by The Skeezyks

I have not had the experience you have had, Anne. But I just wanted to stop by & wish you all the best as you continue your journey.

Thank you for the best wishes and I appreciate your kindness.

[Anne2.0]

Originally Posted by Violet Blue

Reaching out to people can be very beneficial. Others who have been through it can relate during the times when you feel no one understands. My mom was 38 when my father died. There were four of us kids. I was the youngest at ten years old so I can relate from that perspective.

Thank you for your encouragement and support. I do reach out to people-- including my therapist that I saw for 3+ years before he died-- but I am also sensing that some of my relationships are not as healthy and viable as I would have thought, and I may need to let people go.

[Anne2.0]

Originally Posted by lizardlady

I found a lot of support and similar minded folks at WidowNet. Sorry, I don't remember the URL for the site, but if you google WidowNet you should find it.

I was able to find widownet and I thank you for the suggestion. I don't think it's terribly active now, but there was lots of good stuff on there.

[Anne2.0]

Originally Posted by heatherjlr

My suggestion would be to just wait and see how you feel. Try starting easy tasks first to do with your business and what you would have done before, but don't push yourself too much.

Good suggestion, and I'm trying it. I think this is the way to go. I very much appreciate your support and taking the time to give me some needed guidance.

[Violet Blue]

Originally Posted by Anne2.0

I am also sensing that some of my relationships are not as healthy and viable as I would have thought, and I may need to let people go.

That will also be tough to do at this point, but I get this. Hopefully the good people of PC can help you through this as it is another loss.

[vonmoxie]

Hi Anne,

I'm so sorry for your loss. I can very much relate as I was 41 when my husband passed, and it doesn't even occur to people in my age group as a possibility; widowed is a marital status they are just unfamiliar with, so I get a lot of very wide-eyed questions. I also find myself really understanding the outlook of many who are decades older and have experienced a lot of loss, having also lost my lifelong best friend to cancer just a couple of years before my husband passed.

I'm very close to my husband's mom. She's bounced back better than I have, for which I am very relieved; due to his being her only child I was worried more for her than for myself. Anyway, she credits having been active in a bereavement support group, in her case one particular to those who've lost a child, with helping her through. I was always working too much to find time to do something like that for myself, and I regret that I didn't do so sooner, as I think it's more complicated for me now, to deal with those feelings being a few years older..

However, I recently tracked down a suicide bereavement support meeting monthly in my area, which I will be attending for the first time this week (my husband passed willfully, which does involve some specific emotions for those left behind.. I think it will be very helpful to be among others whose experiences will in some ways mirror my own). It's a lot to deal with, and I don't recommend trying to do it entirely on your own. My friends and family are all very sympathetic, but for the most part they really have no idea what it's like, and of course I don't begrudge them that blessing at all. But it will be good to talk to folks who do.

I wish you all the best in your journey.