[Nina Simone]

I finally took a bold step and severed almost all of my remaining family ties. Even though I had concerns I sucked it up and spent time with two of my cousins one of whom abused me growing up. We have had almost no contact for the past 20yrs. There were red flags going in and she did say things to me I didn't like but I took the high road and over looked it. My cousin who was suppose to be the buffer actually sniped at me and seemed to be in league with the other one. We had a conversation about the health problems of another family member and I said I didn't believe her and thought it was just a cover for her continued drug use. The meeting wasn't everything I hoped for but I thought it was at least a good start.

Three days later my cousin with the drug problem called to curse me out. Apparently the one I had tried to reconnect with called her to say we had met up and what I had said. In her anger she told me that almost my entire family has been having on going conversations about me for the past several months. What a horrible person I am. I need God in my life. How they have suppressed their feeling about me because they want to go their maker with a clean heart. They are sick to death of me and my selfishness and my disgusting attitude. I am going to die alone. It just went on and on.

I told her I was sick of all of them years ago! They had not been supportive of me or had any involvement with me for over 20yrs and I was cool maintaining the status quo. Then I told her where they could go and what to do when they got there. I blocked all of them from my social media feeds, home phone and cell phone.

I know I did the right thing but I feel like there has been a death. Things were bad before but I always thought as we all got older maybe things would get better. Now I know that will never happen. While they never acted the way family should I still feel like I've lost something and I'm having a hard time dealing with it.

[surfacetoair]

I walked away from my family and didn't reconcile for many years. Dysfunctional to begin with, love came with conditions, and support always had strings attached. My mental issue were because I wasn't living up to my potential and all I needed was God and Jesus to make me whole. When I walked away, it felt like I had a rock in my heart and I can't think of any other emotion that feels like that, but I would do it again. Over the following 10 years, I found myself, stayed on my meds most of the time and I'm a better person for it. Time may heal wounds. Over the past year or so I've been hashing it out with my father, and he was the one who reached out. It isn't for everyone and I can't say any more, but I know the feeling you're talking about and it's one of the worst feelings I've ever know. And to be honest, it never completely went away.

[spondiferous]

I can empathize, Nina. There is a lot of addiction and other ******** in my family. I got sober eight years ago and tried for the first two years of sobriety to forge good relationships with my family but I just couldn't handle it anymore, being the only one ever doing the work, the only one being willing to meet anyone halfway (and usually being the one to go 100% of the way all the time if I wanted anything to do with them at all). So I told them all individually why I was backing off, told them not to call me, removed them from any online things (i.e. Facebook), and I got the same sort of reactions. But it was the best thing I did for myself. I now have them back in my life sort of - as much as a person can have barely-functioning alcoholic people in their lives. I have little to no contact with most of them. That's the way it has to be for me to stay sane and I stopped feeling guilty about it a long time ago.
My little sister died last week. My other sister, the middle sister, who is now also a couple of years sober (and the only other member of my family that I would consider myself as having a good relationship with), had to plan the funeral because my parents wouldn't step up and take responsibility. I don't really ever expect that to change.
I believe that, in this life, the most important thing is to take care of self first. Always self first. Only then can we figure out how to be with others, and choose healthy people to put in our lives. You have my support.

[Nina Simone]

Thank You Guys... I've been beating myself up for not being stronger. At least I know I'm not crazy and the only one to go through this. I keep telling myself to take it one day at a time. Each day I'll get stronger and it will be a little bit easier.