[littleowl2006]

I have been sad for the last couple days and I can't talk to anyone about my feelings. I haven't lost anyone by death, but by choice, and I still feel like it is the end of the world.

I broke off the contact to my father back in July. This was because of his constant hurtful and disrespectful behaviour, and it took me years to make that decision. First I moved away from my family, and now things with him got so bad that I can't take any more of it. It has always been hard, and I felt hurt and confused by his words and actions all the time. He lies, he drinks, he insults people, he doesn't respect women/homosexuals/people of colour etc etc and he was never there for me. He had a strange way of confronting me with his sexuality, he told me that he cheats on his fiancee, he refuses to go into therapy, the list goes on and on.

But I love him and of course I miss him. I have always missed him throughout my childhood. (My parents broke up when I was three) I know that he loves me, and I am so sad that I can't have a normal relationship with him. But it is just too painful talking to him and things are too hard.

I just don't know how to stop being so sad.

[Skeezyks]

Hello littleowl2006: I have had some similar experiences in life. They were many years ago now. I wish I could say that time heals. But this has not been my experience. And, yes, even though rationally you may feel you've made the right decision, that doesn't make it hurt any less. What I have found, in my own life, is that I have had to learn to simply accept that what happened, happened. The emotions related to what happened are there... and I work to accept them... with compassion...

[lizardlady]

LittleOwl, no one has to die for us to grieve. Maybe instead of trying to stop being so sad you could allow yourself to grieve? I've found that by trying to fight the grieving process I just make it last longer.

[Cat_Lover_58]

At times I still grieve for the importance of a relationship with each of my parents. It's a changing thing...compassion, acceptance...then I go back to pain, hurt...

Be gentle with yourself. Been there; still there. Hugs, Cat

[littleowl2006]

It hurts that when I let any of this show in "real life" I often get critical remarks from others
This grief makes me want to be alone all the time

It's sad that you experience that kind
of dismissive behavior from others ...

I've gotten to where I'll simply say I'm
grieving a loss and don't care to discuss
it right now ...

I've come to realize that those who haven't
experienced what I grew up in and how utterly
annihalated I am because of it can never get
why it is that I'm still grieving the losses over
20 years later.

It is a good bit better than it was 20 years ago,
but I know I'll still be grieving the losses of my
childhood, adolescence and early adulthood for
a long, long time ...

I'm Sorry you're having to experience this too!

[shatteredexistence]

I've been grieving a friend that moved away for six months now. I wonder if it'll ever get easier or when I'll stop constantly thinking about her.