[neodoering]

My father died a few days before Christmas, and his funeral was on the 27th of December. It was a hard time, but his death was not unexpected. He had been fighting cancer for three and a half years, and it was clear that he was slowly losing the battle. My mother called every few weeks to update me on his progress, as the cancer ate him alive.

Now that he's gone, I count his accomplishments and the love he showed my mother and his sons. Most of my friends are middle aged (I am 52), and when I added it up, five of us had lost a parent in the last two years. Again, not unexpected; once your parents get up into the 70's, they go.

What's amazing is the shock that still accrued. It was jarring to get the news that my father was dead, and I still feel like I haven't fully processed the fact. I keep seeing him laying in that casket, and as they lowered him into the cold earth. My father is dead, and I will never see him on this earth again. That is a hard thing to face.

Other people out there lose a parent in the last year or two? Miss them, or glad they're gone? I am amazed at how many people say their parents, especially their father, were abusive, and it's better they're gone. I don't feel that way at all, and I'm very sorry for those of you out there who had this experience.

I am sorry for your loss.Losing a parent is hard.It does get a little easier as time passes though,but I am not sure the grief ever really goes away,I think we just learn to live without them.

I lost my Father to cancer too,and even though I knew it was going to happen it was still a shock to get the news.It took awhile to get the image of him in his casket out of my mind,it did eventually fade though.

I am happy yours wasn't abusive,mine was,and I honestly don't know which would be harder,having a good,kind loving father and losing him or having an abusive one.Maybe both are equally hard,just in different ways.

I am also not sure if I miss him or if I miss how it should have or could have been...

[Unrigged64072835]

Sorry for the loss of your father. Glad you had a good one.

[TishaBuv]

I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my father many years ago to cancer. He was only 44. I thought he was a good father and loved him. I wish my mother had left it at that, but she went and told me all these things that messed with my mind regarding him.

[nonightowl]

My mom is in Stage 4 of lung cancer meaning she doesn't have long.

I have mixed feelings....We've never been close and this illness changes nothing. As emotionally distant and critical of me as always. She's still got the strength to yell at me about my job situation or how much make up I wear.

I agree that it's different losing someone you are close to vs. someone you are not. It's just different.......I've experienced it before but it was back in 2002.

I'm still grieving the loss of a friend last summer. His death was sudden.

A woman in my grief group said her aunt has lung cancer and probably just 2 months to live. She's close to her.

This loss is gradual...

I don't know which is "more painful"-I don't think I can choose. I miss my friend more than ever cause he a similar dynamic with his parents. He was my age too.

I know she's going, I just don't know when. Day by day, easier said than done. Something can happen as I'm typing this. I guess there's no way I can really be prepared even though I know what's going on.



Sorry for your loss..

[ray68]

I am sorry to hear about your loss.
It is indeed a shock. I just lost a dear friend and father figure on Christmas (from cancer and pneumonia). He was an exceptional man and kinda served as an impromptu therapist . . .he probably knew the most about me than anyone on this planet. Its odd to think about him being dead as it feels like he is still here. He had an amazing presence in life and I guess I'm just feeling the echo of that in the places he lived. Can't wrap my head around it quite yet.

[nonightowl]

I can't wrap my brain around the fact that mom just went yesterday. Even though I knew it was coming, and she didn't have long, it's still a numbing piece of news.

And instead of all coming together, both my dad and older brother are lashing out...at ME. A Hallmark commercial we are not, and I don't even know if a miracle would change the family dynamic. If death doesn't do it, nothing will.

Nothing is more final or powerful.

[jaynedough]

I'm so sorry for everyone's losses.

I lived with my parents most of me life. I, too, am 52. My mom died in 2011. She was my best friend. She had emphysema and had pretty much given up. Then, in 2013, I was getting ready to take my dad for bloodwork, when I heard him fall. I gave him CPR until the emergency crew arrived. He had just brushed his teeth, and I had that taste in my mouth all day. I loved him so much. Less than two months after that, my dog died of the same cancer that killed my brother in 1970.

Possible trigger:

I wanted to suicide.

I had no one left. My awesome PDoc gave me one of his dogs.

Possible trigger:

I doubt I'd be here, if he hadn't.

Sometimes it seems like I miss them more now. I worry that they didn't know how much I loved them. Though we were pretty dysfunctional, my parents gave me a world that made sense.

Living with them all those years gave me a gift most never get. I got to know my parents in a way my brothers never could. I got to know them as humans, not parents, if that makes sense.

I just miss them so much.

[misscath007]

My daddy passed away last April from Alzheimer's. He had it for over ten years and was on a slow decline until the last year of his life. I watched him go downhill and he passed away at age 88. He lived a pretty long life. My mom passed away from cancer at age 71, 16 years ago. . I miss them both terribly.

[cakeladie]

My dad passed away on May 4th 2014. I still can not believe he is gone. I was very close to my dad. I still pick up the phone to call him. I was in my early 40's when he died he was 62. He could not handle the chemo so he went off of it.

He tried to shield me and my grandmother from his illness. He had cancer 12 years before he didn't think it would come back.

I got a call early on a Sunday morning telling me that the cancer had come back and to come to the hospital to say goodbye. The doctor asked if he had taken care of all of his business he said no. The doctor said I can try a few things and give you a little more time but I don't know how much.

He was able to give us several months with my day and I spent every minute with him. Still I play things over and over in my mind of things I should have said but in the end my dad told me with tears in his eyes that he loved me so much. I had never seen my dad cry. He is 6'3" tall and a big guy but he looked at me and I knew just how much he loved me

I hear it will get easier for me it has not.

Good luck and I am sorry for your loss