[xRavenx]

**Might trigger for some people:

I feel like a broken record here, but I am fighting with this every day since finding out about the person I was dating passed away. The only way I found out was through an obituary, and the family never told me. I do know there was a lot of ex wife drama between him and the daughter, and the ex was really malicious. Also, family did not have my contact info, and I am not on social media. I suspected suicide, now I think it was overdose with some wish to die, but not necessarily intent to do so that night....more just trying to escape the pain he was in. He was horribly depressed and had been for a long time. His alcohol use was getting out of control too. He would use Xanax for anxiety and would self-medicate with it sometimes (I know, really dangerous with alcohol). I just thought he distanced himself from me, because it wasn't the first time, only to find out that he had passed.

Now, I don't even know how to be at peace. I went to the graveyard and talked to him. A stone isn't there yet....just a little marker. I plan to bring something there. Nobody left anything there yet.

I know that everyone's spirituality is different. I am finding ways to "stay connected" with him and cope in a way that puts me at peace. This is the first time I lost someone who I have been emotionally, physically, and spiritually intimate with. I just don't know how to go about my day?

I wrote a sympathy card for the father and am worried about whether I will get any answers from him. I might not. I might never know what happened. I get a deep sense of what happened that night, but it hurts not having the information. I had seen him 2 1/2 weeks before he passed. Can anyone relate to not knowing how someone you loved passed? How do you try to cope and come to terms with it??

Even if it never happened to you in a case like this, any suggestions on how to make the day easier would be greatly appreciated.

I can't relate to not knowing what happened, but I can relate to incredible grief after multiple losses in my life. All you can do is take it one day at a time. Let yourself feel however you feel. Cry when you need to. Talk about him. Whether to your friends or on here, keep talking.

Also I talk to my parents all the time. Especially when driving. I see them as my angels and run through my life with them. It makes me feel like they are here with me all the time.

I am very sorry for your loss. Hugs.

[xRavenx]

Thank you. My mother is bad to talk with. To be honest, there aren't that many people I can talk to in my life right now, but I did join therapy again. She did help today, but it costs a lot of money. Hopefully within a few months, I'll have some direction to go in, where I won't need weekly therapy, but I am desperate right now. I don't know if the father will ever send me a note, letting me know how the death happened. He knew me, but not very well. Since my friend was so isolated and depressed, he opted out of a lot of family functions, so I didn't get to know them well. I left my contact info, but that's all I can really do. I am realizing that even if nobody tells me anything, I do have some answers. He was really depressed and bent on self-destruction, so I think it caught up with him.

I miss him so much. I'm going to try to connect with him through talking to him, visiting the grave sight (now there's no stone there, just a marker), and maybe some guided meditation to get me more in tune spiritually. My therapist suggested if I should go to go see a Medium to try to connect more, although she said she could not really advise me around spiritual stuff. It's very expensive. For now, I think I'll just try these things on my own.

I've always wondered about seeing a medium myself. I think that anything that helps achieve closure is worth while.

[xRavenx]

Originally Posted by TheSadGirl

I've always wondered about seeing a medium myself. I think that anything that helps achieve closure is worth while.

Yes, I've been looking at prices. I am thinking of doing it at the right time. Maybe after the holidays. It is pricey, but maybe it will give me a sense of being more spiritually connected, which I want so badly. It might be worth it.