Seeing Face

For those that have had a loss, do you see that person's face in strangers?

A year after my brother died, I kept seeing my brother's face in customers when I used to work at a grocery store. It was chilling and I followed a particular customer around the store, just to make sure it wasn't my brother. It sounds crazy I know.

The last few months, I'd see little boys and they would have similar facial structures, similar smile, similar eyes as my brother did when he was younger. It's a surreal moment.

I was at a dinner with my partner, his boss and his boss' wife. Our waiter looked exactly like my brother, and he avoided eye contact with everyone at the table. Environmental noises all muted and I tried to see if I can see the waiter's face more clearly. My partner noticed and knew what was happening. The boss' wife then asked how many siblings I had. I have two, but responded that I only had one. I didn't want to explain my brother died at this dinner.

This isn't going to comfort you muchly, but given the importance of how delicate without any concrete evidence, sharing with you may help.

I went through the same thing. I noticed his presence Appearing at totally random places, places I've never seen him before , to the point I almost stopped someone just to look at him. *almost*

It fades away as we start making new memories. I understand the confusion and warmth hinted with shock. But that's our memories tricking us.

I believe the best approach is to acknowledge his death, afterlife, etc..what ever keeps you going in life.

You've lost someone and sometimes we simply need to forgive ourselves for the not so good times shared.

People most certainly pushed me away from that time when Richard passed at just 23 years old and I was thankful for not dwelling on it, however still never fully processed what magical connection to his memory when he was 'spotted'.

Contrary to what I've said. I strongly recommend you and only you should donate any of his 'sentimental' possessions. This protects you from ever 'visiting' the past, let's face it, we don't need a constant reminder...

I held on for ~15 years. Give or take some minutes. I kept looking for a meaningful answer to it all. And this is what I found.

Only once, and it was just a few days ago, too. It was a girl sitting in the front seat on the passengers side of a car stopped at the traffic lights. She looked just like a girlfriend of mine who died suddenly back in 2001. I wanted to just keep staring at this girl and did until I felt she was going to notice me. I was smiling a little bit. She would've had no idea what was in my mind. You're right ohmydaisy, it's surreal.

Surreal. Did you feel a sadness or just reminiscent? Or both?

Hello. I felt a number of things. Sadness and longing, happiness, but also some of the shock from the time she died, which has diminished over the years but never really left me. It's still hard to believe she's gone, but there she was sitting in the car, so to speak. I felt like it was half of her sitting in the car and if she saw me, part of her might even recognize me. Silly, I know. Strange.

But you've had a lot more of these experiences in a much shorter time. I'm sorry about your brother. It's interesting that at the moment you were looking at the waiter, your bosses wife asked how many siblings you had. I find sychronicities and coincidences interesting.

How are you feeling today, ohmydaisy?

So the sadness never leaves. That's something I've read as I was trying to research things. May I ask, has it been difficult to have relationships?

No grief is ever the same, especially with the memories attached to it, or that's what I'm taking from this and the research. With mine, my wall has thickened? (that's the best way I can explain it). So it's preventing any connecting with people.

What is your take on synchronicities and coincidences? It was weird when that happened. I felt trapped in a place of wondering about the waiter and trying to stay in the present with the people I went out to dinner with.

Today was a mentally draining day. I avoided emotions, then decided to write the letter to my brother, as was instructed by my therapist, but the start of crying was weird so I took a shower. Showers usually stop my crying because it makes me laugh. Can't tell which are tears or the warm water and then I feel silly crying, which then makes me laugh.

Yes, the sadness has never left me personally, but it has lessened over the years. I still find myself drifting to the past and thinking about her though. I guess that's relatively normal.

Well, for me, I might not be the best person to ask as I've always found life in general to be difficult due to my mental disposition, I guess you could say. I had another relationship after she passed and actually it was good. But after two years I dissolved it, due to my depressions - which I've always suffered from. But the love was there, yes. The happy times.

Yes, I can understand that from a certain perspective, as I've found it increasingly difficult to want to connect with other people as well, for my own reasons really. But it's something I personally want to change. You can change it as well, if you truly want to.

Well, I'm one of those people who doesn't believe there really are synchronicities and coincidences, they're actual events, because I believe everything is connected very intimately, very profoundly. Everything is significant. And I feel it too, sometimes. It's all consciousness - but that's another whole topic.

Yes, mentally draining and avoiding emotions. You have to avoid sometimes - I do too. Also, maybe you need to let those tears just flow - there's no shame in it - but, yes, there's a time and a place for everything, I suppose. I'm not an expert on anything. I'm glad you can still laugh though, I think it's very important - laughter. It's a piece of the joy.

Yes, the letter to your brother. I don't know anything about those sorts of things but I really hope it helps you. I think it will.