We grieve when someone dies, we grieve when we say a special farewell, we grieve when we pass into a new life phase. We grieve for many reasons. Today I grieve for the loss of my healthy mind. I feel it slipping away. I know that this is just a depressive phase approaching, and I know that I've won this fight numerous times before . Logically I understand these things. But, frankly, it's tiring. I really just don't want to go through this again.

I miss being able to concentrate. I miss being unafraid. I miss reading beautiful books. I miss following conversations. I miss helping others. I miss hearing things the first time. I miss being vertical more than horizontal. I really miss being honest with people. I miss my best self. I miss offering that to others.

I try to remember that my mind will return, but then I forget that too sometimes. I’m just grieving today.

Emmy

[darkeyes]

Wow, you just described me, I am feeling the same, I cannot focus, read anymore, etc. it sucks too, but I am trying so hard to not totally lose it, but I grieve for the person I was, I want her back again, I do not like the person that is inside, I want myself back. I told my pdoc I just feel like a body with nothing inside, just a shell in this empty existance, I try to keep faith that in time this shall pass and perhaps I will be the real me again, but damn it is taking so long and I am frustrated, and growing more depressed, maybe it is another phase of aging, I do not know but I am sad that I too, are feeling like you describe here in your post.
For now, lets try to support each other with the fact we are not alone with this and with bonding together, all of you feeling like this, we shall overcome this. . . I hope.

(((((((((((((((( emily )))))))))))))))

Sincerely,
DE

In giving advice seek to help, not please your friend
SOLON

[wisewoman]

I'm with you both Darkeyes and Emily. I am so tired of feeling like this and being scared. I just posted to Dexster a few days ago that I don't even know who i am anymore. Since i'm still fairly new here and I can't remember things well, what are your stories? Is the depression new, have you done it before? How long? I'm thinking of you both and know that I understand the grieving. I am sorry for your pain.

[ghost]

i would like to curl up under the big fluffy blankets of a kingsized bed with soft broken in sheets and forget the world for awhile. will you join me, emmy?

((((((((emmy))))))))))

i miss you.

ghost

[gloria]

Emmy, do you think the meds you are taking are working right for you?

I saw your post and that questioned crossed my mind. I know people that suffer from depression and when they are taking the meds that work for them well they still go through cycles, but not too bad..

Hung in there lady, and perhaps, talk to your dr about other meds options.

(x)

gab

Thanks everyone. I appreciate your kind thoughts and words. I may be a wee bit quieter than usual, but not to worry. I'm sure I'll be back to my usual quirky self shortly!

Thanks again. Em