[itsjustme111]

I know part of my depression and self abuse behaviors is my recent loss of my baby. I have not talked about it much and this is hard to even type. I thought if I pretended that it did not happen, I would be fine. But that's furthest from the truth. I dream about my baby, I see my ultrasound in my mind. The little heartbeat. I want my baby back. When I am out of the house and see other babies or walk by the baby section; I want to just lay there and cry. My baby is gone and part of me left with my gift. I guess I don't deserve to have anymore children because I have hurt the ones I have now. I believe this is why I couldnt have this one. Why do I deserve a gift of life when I am who I made myself to be.
Elizabeth

[gloria]

I don't know how far in your pregnancy you were when you lost your baby. I lost one too but It happened during the third month, so it was fairly soon in the pregnancy. I was sad for a while, and to this day, sometimes still hits me. However, I think I have a little angel loving me and watching over me every day, and I love my baby just as much as the ones that made it till the end of the pregnancy and are with me now ( two other high risk pregnancies, but made it ok).

You think of your baby as your little angel, loving you from where he/she's at.

gab

[itsjustme111]

Thank-you for this response. You gave me a new light to look at. Its hard to see it that way until someone shows you. I could finally cry some tears when I read your reply. THANK YOU.
Elizabeth

[shakes]

Elizabeth,
It is completely normal to grieve for the loss of your unborn child, regardless of how long your pregnancy was. Please do not let others try to push you toward healing!! How you are feeling is completely normal. Have you talked to anyone about this? Like a T?
Losing your child is not your fault and it was not your punishment. Maybe Heaven needed another angel.

((((Elizabeth)))

jessica

<font color=blue> You are in this snowglobe. It is encovered in glass and secure. But one day someone comes and shakes the globe and the pieces go flying everywhere. Now they will eventually settle but they won't be the way they were before and they can never be that way again. </font color=blue>

[gloria]

Shakes is absolutelly right, I don't know how long it's been for you. Mine happened 6 years ago.

Every person takes different time to heal. I'd say mine took about 6 to be able to move on (not totally heal). And I do believe how far in the pregancy the miscarriage happens the more it hurts. I almost lost my third child during my 8th month, and I know that would have hurt a whole lot more, and I mean a whole lot more than the one I lost during the first trimester.

Any way, be kind to yourself.

gab

[LadyDragus]

ok, do not think that way.

I can understand losing a child cause I have lost two, and I can also understand for I was carrying twins when I lost one and the other survied and she was born very premature and had to live for 5months in the Neo-natal unit..

Having a child yes is a gift in itself but haveing a life is also a gift..
When we wake up each moring to start a new day, we should thank the higher being above that we are alive. No matter what. that is his/her gift to us..

I can understand you are morining the loss of a child, but if you have ohter kids in your life, love them to the fullest give them everything that you can, and make them fill the love that you can give them..
Do not let them for a second think that you do not love them..

Do not for a second let them go.. They should be your first and formost thougth everyday of your life, besides yourself..
They are also a gift that you still have in your life.. No matter how old they are..

When you walk beside the baby section start to look at it as , one day I will have grandkids, one day I will be buying someone elese these things cause they will be having a child, that I can hlep them when they need it..
Do not look at it as a loss.. I know it is hard, but we have to let the past go, and that is always the hardest thing to do.. Trust me I know..


<font color=purple>
take time to heal thyself before trying to help others, or you will never get better