shes really gone...

my grandma died in march.....i still cry when i think about her...i feel almost unworthy of living when she is no longer living....she was my everything, she was perfect and i love her more than anything in the world
i got to the funeral home and i felt sick.....i wanted to just kill myself...why the hell do people come and socialize with a dead body in the room. i ran away for awhile...i walked in 6 inch heels to a grocery store, i had to cross a main street and my mind was telling me to just stop in the middle of it and not move, but i knew i couldnt do that....she wouldnt want that....but the funeral was the hardest thing id ever experienced in my life. i miss her more than anything....I dont deserve life when it was taken from such a great person. I feel like every thing i do, i am dissapointing her....im not the greatest daughter, or person in general and i know shed want me to do better....it hurts alot to think im not living up to my potential.
i value life more than any posession i own. I have trouble killing things, or watching people kill things....i cant kill flies or ants...or plants even...and when i know i stepped on an ant or didnt do my part to save a insect or animal, i pray....intensely...because i did spare something death....
idk if this is the way to handle things, but i think its my way of coping and trying to make up for not being ther for her when she needed me the most...

thank you for reading

sarah My Young friend >>.. Yea the why do peeps socialize with a >> as you say a dead body in the room >>,,,

Ya know that Most wish for a last thought a comforting last wish >. Ya Give that and then say Good bye >. sarah >>. The only disapointment that you would give to your Grandmother >>... Would be >> maybe never remembering the LOVE and care she gave you and the way it made ya feel ...

Always carry that with ya and know her kindness is a seed that grows inside you >> that someday will blossom and >> then again reflect through you ..

You are a Kind Person that sees past the place that others also find >> maybe awkward ...... But sarah >>.

Love >...

I am so sorry you are going through this hard time.

I'm sorry that you are going through this tough time, and you are right she would not want you to go out like that. She wants you to live a full and prosperous life, make her proud; she will be smiling at you from above.

I lost my grandmother when I was 18 and I lost my Dad when I was 25. It's hard losing people that we look up to and love so much. I find comfort in believing that they are still with me, protecting me, guardian angels perhaps. I also find comfort in a couple of my Dads possessions his Bible in particular because I know how much it meant to him and how much time he spent reading it. I don't know in a strange way it makes me feel closer to him reading the same words he read, and to read his notes is like hearing him talk. I also find comfort in the music that each of them loved. Just about every person I love has a song that reminds me of them and I'll always take comfort in those songs.

I know you must think I'm strange, but it's how I cope, and you'll find your way. Maybe there is something special of your grandmothers that you can have.

Still talk to her, it will make you feel better; you never know she could be listening.

The whole funeral thing is very awkward but I guess it's the only way us humans know how to say goodbye and show our respect.

Take care of yourself and stay strong, you'll be okay.

I feel for you. I lost 3 grandparents this past year and it is still hard to believe (My grandfather and grandmother died within 5 months of each other). Even more so is that my grandmother not being here. We were so very close and I miss her every day and talk about her like she is still with us physically. Saturday will be a year and I am still in disbelief. But, i will tell you, it really does get easier. I know it doesn't seem like it will, as i did not think so...but some how, it does...even just a little bit is progress.

I am sharing this so you understand that others can relate. I agree that she would want you to live a full, happy, healthy life. Try doing things that you know made her happy for you...could be as simple as playing a specific sport or hobby that made you happy. I got back into tennis and she was so happy that I did, so now when I play I feel as though I am "making her happy to". I hope you know what I mean.

Hi, we kinda meet recently i guess via private messages recently. Just wanted to say hi & see how you are doing. Tonite has been really hard, i am missing my son so much, so much its one of those times you just want to be with them no matter what. Everyday is suppose to get easier "they say", but it feels to me like it's getting harder & harder. I miss my baby, i say baby even though he was 18, he will always be my baby. It so hard to have that empty feeling that will never be the same. Hope you can say you are having a better day than me. w/b if you feel like it