Losing a friend

A few months ago, I went through a traumatic break with one of my closest friends. It sent me spiralling into a nervous breakdown. I assumed I would never hear from him again.

Today, his caregiver sent me a message from him. He has only a matter of days or weeks to live, and he wanted to apologize for destroying our friendship, ask for forgiveness.

I knew already that he was dying. A mutual friend had told me, and at that time, it did not affect me. But now that he has reached out to say goodbye, I can't stop crying. This has brought closure and pain.

I am so lost now that I don't know what to do. The mutual friend is also friends with another person... a person who would like to see me dead... in fact, she left a note in my LJ saying that she wished I would kill myself. Because of that, I distanced myself from this mutual friend, the only link I had left to my dying friend. But now he has reached out to make amends. I am afraid to trust this mutual friend of ours, but maybe I need to.

((((((Obsids))))))))

There are no words. I am SO VERY sorry for your loss. I can't imagine the terrible amount of pain you are in right now.

Wishing you some peace of mind, and comfort, in your grieving...

Angela

<font color="green"> </font> Dear Obsid, Is there any way you can call your friend and make arrangements to visit him instead of going through the mutual friend? Something like: "Is it all right if I visit you in an hour?" That way you'd know for sure what's happened.

No matter what, I offer you my sincere condolances and although you don't know me, I'll be here for you.
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Obsid}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

January

Don't let the feelings or actions of others interfere with what is between you and your friend in the hospital. What you do now in regards to that person is forever. As mortal beings, somehow we often forget this. You've been given a chance that a lot of people never get... to say goodbye. You would regret not taking it because of what someone else did or said to you. When we find our selves near the end, pettiness ceases to matter. Your friend knows that now. If you can, let him share what he has found with you.
I sincerely wish you strength for what lies ahead. Keep posting.

First of all, I think I need to clarify something. My friend reached out to bring closure and make amends. The part that hurts is that I have regained my friend, but at the same time I am losing him.

There is no way for me to see him. He went to live out his last days with his family in another country. It is just hard to let go.

It is good that he could do that before he goes. So sorry for your pain!!!! ((((((((((hugs)))))))))))
Larks

Oh, I understand now. I thought for some reason you were letting someone else stop you from seeing him. I misunderstood.
I'm glad he was able to get that message to you. Losing someone once is hard enough. I'm sorry.

Opsids, my 2 cents worth. Write a nice letter to the friend and share memories you had and feelings you have shared. Tell him it was hard when you were on the outs with him and that you are glad he reached out and you have been able to share in his life. Tell him what you have enjoyed about him and that he is in your heart. tell him you are blessed for having known him and having a relationship with him. Give him some chatty details about your life, send him a picture of you or something that he would like and tell him you love him or he means a lot or whatever. I am so sorry for your pain and loss. When I have these kinds of meetings with dying loved ones I try to bring in a little humor, do you share any funny memories? Good luck my dear.

Obsids, I am sorry for your loss. There is no way to remove the pain, but if there were, I would. Take care of yourself.

I'm so sorry for your pain and loss obsids ((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))