Jasper, my brother

thunderbear · Aug 26, 2009, 09:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue93

it would have been his 14th bday in 2 days... its jus so so so so hard. time heals all wounds they say... yeah right.

I just read your origanal post. First, I am so sorry that you lost someone so close to you. I could'nt even begin to imagine how it feels to lose a sibling. And finally, time does heal some wounds. It's been 6 years since I lost my mom and it still hurts everyday. I just have to belive she is out there somewhere watching over me. and hope one day time will heal me.

Berries · Aug 26, 2009, 11:57 AM

Are you planning on doing something special on Jasper's birthday--some sort of tribute to him?
Just an idea. Thought it might help.

(((((((((((BLUE)))))))))))

Blue93 · Aug 26, 2009, 12:01 PM

I dont know what i'm going to do yet..

Hunny · Aug 26, 2009, 04:06 PM

Blue

Quote:

Originally Posted by Berries

Are you planning on doing something special on Jasper's birthday--some sort of tribute to him?
Just an idea. Thought it might help.

(((((((((((BLUE)))))))))))

You are a tribute to him Blue. Happy Birthday Jasper from us all

Berries · Aug 27, 2009, 11:55 AM

Happy Birthday, Jasper!

Blue93 · Aug 27, 2009, 03:18 PM

not yet.. tomorrow. still not sure what to do or if i even want to do something

Blue93 · Aug 28, 2009, 09:04 AM

nowheretorun · Aug 28, 2009, 09:09 AM

(((Blue))))) even you are stronger than death.. you have the capacity to love.. sending prayers and thoughts of comfort in your sad time...

*freak* · Aug 28, 2009, 04:08 PM

((((Blue93))))

Berries · Aug 29, 2009, 10:00 AM

(((((((((((BLUE)))))))))))

How did it go? How are you feeling today?

Blue93 · Sep 23, 2009, 02:02 PM

The Dark

I'm walking in the park
And I'm talking to the dark
But there ain't nobody listening
My heart has turned to stone
When I found myself alone
Now all I do is whiper to the dark

There's only so much you can take
You've gotta give yourself a break
But I don't think you're listening
If you're gonna take it all so hard
You gonna tear yourself apart
I can understand you miss him in the dark

Yeah, teach your heart how to sing get the courage again now
Yeah, take the 10:50pm train to the city
Yeah, I had a chance for romance so I do it again now

If love is no longer being served
You've got to leave the table
Mister Aznavour told me, merci beaucoup
Though I miss him, got to let go
Though I miss him, got to let go
Let it go

It's about that time to leave it all behind you
You don't want to but life is passing by you
The hard knocks, got you twisted like dreadlocks
Catalogue your dark and set some new marks
I understand your body's filled with hesitation
Trust me it's gonna be a whole new situation
Turn this page I gues you know what to do
Rise up like Phoenix I'm bringing out the beauty in you

Yeah, teach your heart how to sing get the courage again now
Yeah, take the 10:50pm train to the city
Yeah, I had a chance for romance so I do it again now

http://forums.psychcentral.com/showt...41#post1146741

beadlady29-old · Sep 23, 2009, 03:02 PM

(((((((Blue)))))))))))))
so sorry to hear abou this happening now after so much already. their really is nuthing beads can say that will make this any gooder but we want to let you know that we are STILL and WILL STILL be here for you and just sets or walks with you whatever would help.
thinkig of you and sending prayers on behalf of you & Jasper,
m.s.

turquoisesea · Sep 24, 2009, 07:34 PM

(((((((((((((((((blue)))))))))))))))

kris9999 · Sep 25, 2009, 01:43 PM

((((((((((((((((((((((( Blue ))))))))))))))))))))))))))) I'm so sorry

Berries · Sep 25, 2009, 05:16 PM

(((((((((((Blue)))))))))))

I like the song.

billieJ · Sep 25, 2009, 05:42 PM

Blue ~ I can't tell you how sorry I am for your brother and for you. Does he have Hospice in place, as this would be appropriate and would be a help to you both. Is there any spiritual support for you. My spiritual life/activity needs a lot of work, but of one thing I feel sure: there is no death of the spirit or inner person, only the vehicle or body. I am not sure that this is the place to discuss this, but for purposes of comfort, I feel compelled to state my BELIEF that there is reconciliation. I pray for you both and hope you will contact Hospice if this has not already been done. Sharing your sorrow ~ billieJ

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue93

2nd time. Got logged out the first time and lost my post... Ok here goes again.

Jasper, my brother, got diagnosed with leukemia (AML) last year spring.
Wich was a shock because we thought it was just the flu or something.
Also AML is a form of cancer usually only adults get, with kids its almost always ALL... Also it's harder to treath then ALL. Anyways...
He went trough a couple of chemotherapy treatments and went into remission last summer.

Yay! He had to redo the year at school but they were helping him do some stuff he missed when he became sick, instead of some stuff he had already done before he got sick. This way he could do it in his own tempo... We got a permanent fosterfamily so we could finally settle down and pick our lifes back up.

However he relapsed last december... Just a few days before Christmas we heard it was back. They told us he had to have bone marrow transplant (or was it stam cell transplant? not sure...) but they leukemia had to be put back in remission first. They started new chemotherapy a few days into 2009.

A couple of weeks ago we got the horrible news... The chemo wasn't really doing anything. We were both sort of in shock I guess cause that's really bad news... chemo not working means no remission means no transplant... They talked about him like he was dead already.

They decided to put him on some kind of experimental drugs next to regular treatments, mainly because he's very young, only 13 years old...
He went back in the hospital last week and became like expected very sick. More so then during any other treatment he went trough.

He sort of ... crashed though I guess you can call it, last sundaymorning when we were visiting him. We were just watching tv, he was nodding of now and then. Monitors started beeping... They kicked us out of the room. Told us later they would talk about further treatments ... what they meant is if they would continue the treatment or not... They had to put him om breathing support. Said his body couldn't handle the heavy treatments anymore, took to much of a toll on his body, his heart couldn't cope... They said monday that they would stop the treatments, he's not strong enough... There was nothing they could do anymore

He's going to die...

It's just a matter of waiting till he... will die. And hoping he will get strong enough to come home... He knows... but I dont think he fully realises it, he's still on breathing support and sleeps most of the day.
I'm just feeling.. empty... panicking... empty... disconnected from the rest of the world that just keeps going on as if nothing is happening.. so cliché but so true... I can't imagine life without him.

He's everything I have

Blue93 · Sep 25, 2009, 07:21 PM

what is reconcilliation?

we dont need a hospice anymore... he passed away last febr.

susan888 · Sep 25, 2009, 07:26 PM

(((Blue))))

I lost my brother to leukemia when he was 9 and I was 10.....It's a horrible disease, especially when it takes such a young life...I am so sorry for your loss and will be thinking about you and praying for you and your family...

eskielover · Sep 25, 2009, 09:43 PM

((((((Blue)))))),
You are so young to have gone through such grief. I can only imagine how it must feel. I was an only child & never lost any friends or family until I was out of high school & that was my grandparents, then my Dad, then my Mom it's been 5 years since going through her cancer with her.....but they were older & it was all part of the order of life even though it was painful.

The first year after is the worst.....as we come across all the firsts & all the special points will continue to be the difficult times for years.....in some ways that is good we we keep their memory alive that way if we can focus on all the good things......for me, I struggle every fall as that is when everything with my Mother started to happen.....so from October to January is not an easy time for me, so I can understand how you are feeling for your brother. You were such a special brother to Jasper......that love is something so special to hold onto & know what love feels like & feel very lucky to have that kind of love when in so many families it's a very missing emotion.

I know what you mean about being in a group that minimizes your feelings & invalidates them. After my Mother died, I had so much anger because of her......I went to the Hospice grief group & sat there & couldn't say a word as I realized I was not filed with grief, but filled with anger. They set up an appointment one on one to talk with me & try to find other help....the worst part of that time was that my psychologist was not practicing because of back surgery & it took awhile for me to go back to a local psychologist I had gone to years before but I was feeling desperate. It is important to have the help of a T or at least a group to help express the emotions......but I think best of all is having PC here where we all care so much about you & understand you & your feelings......this is one place where we are all accepted & allowed to express our feelings & receive the understanding & support that doesn't seem to be out there in many other places.

Keep posting & expressing your feelings as you continue to go through this very difficult time in your life.......we are all here for you with

, &

& shoulders to lean on & even cry on when you feel like it.

I think this saying is probably what I have found to best describe the grief feelings I went through:
You don't get over it, you jut get through it.
You don't get by it because you can't get around it.
It doesn't get better; it just gets different.
Everyday grief puts on a new face.
Wendy Feireisen

Know you are loved & cared about,

Debbie

Blue93 · Feb 03, 2010, 12:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue93

Jasper passed away mondaymorning early, in his sleep
We were there

its almost that day, again

Hunny · Feb 03, 2010, 03:14 AM

((((((Blue)))))

We be here for you still.

Hunny

SophiaG · Feb 10, 2010, 10:21 AM

(((((((((((((((((((((Blue)))))))))))))))))))))

Blue93 · Feb 19, 2010, 12:53 PM

23 febr.. almost that day again

dyzan · Feb 21, 2010, 11:37 AM

Blue93,
Wanted to say, "thoughts are with you".
Leading up to your one year without your brother, is difficult.

Hope You find someway to express and mark the time alone, and in good thoughts.

You might find that when you look back, You Have just made a hurdle of being here still, after one year.
Very hard to have envisioned through these past months. But, YOU are here.

You have proved your strength!
Keep being strong for the most part. And this will be a thought provoking New Day, and New start for You.

Try to Do Your Best.

dyzan.
~waves~

eskielover · Feb 21, 2010, 02:59 PM

The first year anniversary of the death of family, close friends is the hardest to go through. The memories go back as if it were that day again....almost as if reliving it but at a distance. Each year gets less intense.....the memories are always there or at least the surrounding memories.

If you can get together with family & celebrate the good things in his life & enjoy each others being together & sharing life, it sometimes helps that day pass & adds some good memories for the next year.

Peace for you & your family,
Debbie

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