[SeptemberMorn]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Patricia}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

You're in my thoughts, Hon.

(((((EskeLover))))))

My Mother was the one who had cancer in my family for no apparent reason.....at 80 years old, she came up with vulvar cancer & had let it go to stage 4......turns out that cancer is a skin cancer type of cancer......who could figure where she ever came up with that one. .....but it was a slow growing cancer......so who knows how long it had been there for it to have grown to stage 4......she said a few months....surgeon told me "no way"....years....let her believe what ever she wanted even if it wasn't true.

I recall you sharing that earlier in this thread.
Eski I just google your mothers cancer and its not rare for women to ingnore the symptoms . Some itchig painful urination , not sure if thats at a later stage of the cancer.

With my cancer there are no symptoms . Thats why most find it in stage 3 and 4. Have to drop the BLAME when it comes to cancer.

I got lucky .

TUMOUR SIZE. ~

Mine was 3,2 cm, It just filed the endometrium of the uterus.
2.5 cm is am inch the emtire length of the Uterus is 8cm

So your mothers tumor was about 2 inches in one dimention. These tumors invade into the tissue not just etrude outward.

Im not sure you got to examin yuor mothers vulva to see what it looked like. Not many people go around letting anyone take a peek

LOL!

I can't get pics of my tumour . They took none , Im bumbed, I was counting on having my debulking surgery on U Tube. . its now on sides. I wanted to know the eaxct amount that tiny invasion into the muscle was and how it was measured. That capulted me by definition I A stage 1b. I just missed being an A.
Its alot like my cup size . Im a full A But I can wear a floppy B .

LOLOLLLOLOOLLLLLL


I.m not mistrustful....just REAL curious. I like to be able to visualize. Hard to talk to your body when its a blank screen.

't put onto chemo/ratiation after the surgery & how he could be so arrogant to think there wouldn't be a remaining cell somewhere.....thing was, he didn't want to bother as he knew she wasn't going to survive from this cancer anyway, but he led her to believe she was cured & didn't need to have any more chemo/radiation......she told me she was so happy that God sent her this wonderful surgeon to save her life & continually asked me when she was going to get better.

I highly recomend the book 'Cancer ediquette , what to say , what to do, When someone you know has Cancer. ' By Rosanne Kalick a tw time cancer survivor.

This book may shed light as to WHY the onclogist who has worked with many cancer patients over the years took the path of Not telling an 80 year old woman " Sorry, your going to die"

many like to have HOPE right up untill the end.

Many who are 80 cannot have Chemo therapy especially if they have a heart condition . it could kill them and make thier last days quite unconfotable . Sounds ironic doesn't it.

I have a woman in my group who is stage 4 and Im watching her reactions to a doctor who is telling her theres no hope as she is starting round three of Chemo.
Now Im not gona Tell Nightbird , or Orange Or Kat they are gonna die and there is no hope . we are all four of us living on hope right now.

I certainly do not want to have someone tell me Im sunk even though thats what the info points to . Because , I haven;t picked the right scenic cliff to do my TBBhelma and Louise act yet. but I live near the Blue ridge so Im sure its close by.

Sad that more facts aren't known by this point about cancer....but the best they can do. Usually our best decisions are made when we put together the facts that are available & not just our emotions,

studies are not facts eskie. They are biased . all of them. There is no way to tell if say of 40 women stage 1a 25 did chemo

15 did nothing .
4 of the 15 had a reocurance 11 made it .

of The 25 who did chemo . 3 had a reocurrance.

how does one know that the 22 may have made it without the chemo.

no way to tell .

so these piss poor numbered studies are noy something to hang ones hat on . just 11% higher chance of making it.

theres no emotion in loking at these studies excet the despair of so mamy unknowns about each cancer patient in theses tiny studies.

My emotions are that of a woman who ...............

Has trudeged through many areas I thought Id never over come. and did it with out the love of a family. his i just one more and I rest in the comfort of knowing if they were alive they would just cause me more pain and blame a I see many other flinging at thier loved ones in real life now.
that is truly sad and defeating.

I have the old montra from an old froum where they grilled thier friends who had a mental illness , it runs through my head on ocation.

" Ding Dong the Witch is dead< the wicked witch is dead" I suspec they would be thrilled to hear the news. or jusy shake thier head And sigh and pull out thier cards and drool over thier

"I told you you would die alone miserable in a nursing home ".. Look at me and my glorius life ,too bad you could have had it if you had only done the right things like I did."

May they never get cancer, they WILL change thier tiune.

(((Eskie)))) , I encourage you to read what some of the women are going through who have what your mother had. This will help you work through your remaining pain with your mother and bring some peace to you I hope.

there is gentetic testing done on tumors. This informs off spring of what may be down the road for them .
Eskie , I hope you never have to experiece this first hand,
Your mother lived a long life . She was blessed.

As for God. Im just trying not to insult My higher power through all of this. I think upon that scean in garden Of G a lot lately.

intresting meditaion.

Peace joy and hope for us all,

Patricia

[Junerain]

((((auroralso)))
Just wanted to reach out & hug ya

I hope and pray we can connect again, soon, this is my prayer....

[Rmdctc]

I hope your doing well and feeling well. I wish you lots of peace.

Just a very special thanks for the few of you brave souls who have reached out to me durring this difficult time.

Last night I felt that this thread has served its purpous and my journey from here on out I feel needs to be more private. To just share it with a few of you.
feel free any of you who have suported me in this to Pm me from time to time .

Thank you again so very much ...

Patricia

Originally Posted by nightbird

(((Patricia)))

You are very special to us all here Patricia, and I hope so much for you and for me, and for all of us here touched by this... to have happy moments and good times ~ even though we might not always be sure or feel our best, we can lean on each other and laugh a little... like a wonderful poet said... 'live in the layers, not on the litter' ... we can find happy moments in each day, and when we do, I hope we feel them to the tenth power!

Love,
Night
xoxo

I don't know how I missed this Nightbird , but I did.

It got caught in between my answers.

I appreciate you representing others thinking of me Nightbird.

Thanks for the Jucier tip . We don't have a cosco and I didn't see one at Sams . they used to have a private vendor sell one that was over 200.00 .

Il check walmart for the jack lane. I chewed my first wheat grass today . I grew it fron wheat berries from the healthfood store . took only four days . Its very sweet I just chew it .

ne of the women in my cancer group , the only one who ha chosen not to do the chemo has pulled away because all the discussion is about chemo and radiation .

this desision is very hard . I feel ABSOUTELY GREAT. I look better than I ever have . lost ten pounds . hair is gorgeous .

I 'm planning on living to the fullest . Going to clear out my apartment

and going to find the man of my dreams .

Im worth it and My higherpower willing I will get the help I need to have my dreams.

helathy and whole and already cancer free.

Patricia

[Junerain]

((((Patricia)))) (((to being healthy)))) (((((to being whole))))

(((((((((((((to being cancer free))))))))))))))))))))

[kileybaby]

Originally Posted by auroralso

I knew that would get your attention...





theres just one small glich though.

I really do . Im in shock so I all I know is I have to have ovaries removed and lymph nodes looked at

on Monday.

So Im doing what the doctor told me to do

thats let people in my life who know me know.

Sure and glad I haled my hiney in sooner than the july seventh apointment they said I coud have

I guess when I said Okay Ive been in pain for almost two months .If you want me to wait one more month and I have cancer ..you will be hearing from me..

guess this time it was okay to ask to be heard and for consideration...

Patricia

ill pray for you, theres a good chance once the overies come out, your gonna be fine. I had a lump in my breast 6 months ago, and i had to wait 3 weeks for results thank God it was benign but i can understand how you feel from the waiting. does it seem real to u? i dont think it sunk in kinda like a dream ill wake up from,i was curious if anyone else ever felt like that. good luck, we are lucky its '09 because medical treatments have come so far, and
theres always God whos probly not ready for you! relax, push it outa your head no matter how hard and do things you enjoy.

[katrineme7]

Patricia, Hi! I wanted to ask you about this picture on this post as I really like it and would like to know more about it. Is this a dog? Your dog? Did you draw this? What is the meaning to you about it?
I just really would like to understand better because it's so special. Thanks, Kat (I posted here just so you know which picture I mean )

Originally Posted by auroralso

I don't know how I missed this Nightbird , but I did.

It got caught in between my answers.

I appreciate you representing others thinking of me Nightbird.

Thanks for the Jucier tip . We don't have a cosco and I didn't see one at Sams . they used to have a private vendor sell one that was over 200.00 .

Il check walmart for the jack lane. I chewed my first wheat grass today . I grew it fron wheat berries from the healthfood store . took only four days . Its very sweet I just chew it .

ne of the women in my cancer group , the only one who ha chosen not to do the chemo has pulled away because all the discussion is about chemo and radiation .

this desision is very hard . I feel ABSOUTELY GREAT. I look better than I ever have . lost ten pounds . hair is gorgeous .

I 'm planning on living to the fullest . Going to clear out my apartment

and going to find the man of my dreams .

Im worth it and My higherpower willing I will get the help I need to have my dreams.

helathy and whole and already cancer free.

Patricia