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#51
Jul 05, 2009, 01:50 AM
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you can kick this i did 
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 Anonymous289133
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#52
Jul 07, 2009, 08:25 PM
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I hear in a few days , I think. I panicked today . I talked to my primary care doc who just found out . and she knows nothing yet . i know I shoukd know more about the kind of cancer I have but I just can't take any more bad news angel.. You get into rehab okay? Horsey will be there for you. He a good man. Patricia |
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#53
Jul 07, 2009, 08:34 PM
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I promised a story ,
well when i was in the prep room for my surgery I managed to forget my blood typing...  and they had to redo it at the last min, I met one of my nurses who was part of the anethsian team and she sat down tilted her head back and opened her mouth . we did the torus paltina sister salute..... (LOL) and I had another amazing surprise . I had these eyes and huge grin glance at me . It was this kinda nerdy cyclist I would see at my sunday night meeting . I broke down and cried , I could not have been in better hands...... Patricia |
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#54
Jul 12, 2009, 09:34 AM
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 LOL ,, and then the Doc broke into an Al Jolson tune ,,,, I'd walk a million miles ,,, for one of your smiiiiiiiiiiiiillllllllessssss ,,,,, T/C also... .WMD. |
| Anonymous289133
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#55
Jul 12, 2009, 12:24 PM
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"my girl had show dog markings. she was beautiful .
but unfortunately she had a bald tail tip from a docking gone bad. and one of her eyes had a brown muscle (that holds the eye in) instead of the usual pink. and her hind legs were turned out. sigh.... telling him had me see just how insane that all was. She was an increible dog the light of my life my constant friend bed partner went with me to work and everywhere she was allowed. And words do not express how I feel right now. she was my only famliy left." How well I understand this.....My first eskie, Excell, the one who died last year, was my show dog.....He was quite a character however. We worked together at getting his champion title with the UKC.....& we worked even harder at getting his obedience title with the AKC (finally just gave up on the obedience title with the UKC...lol). It took us 3 or maybe 4 years to get the obedience title.....seemed that every show we went to, he decided to mess up on something different......so it wasn't that he didn't know what to do.....he just knew in his mind what he wasn't going to do. My most fun with him was playing with our toys in the back yard. One of our first shows I went to with him, he decided to pee on my leg just before going into the confirmation ring....that should have been my first indication of what he thought about showing. When he was 1 year old, I decided to get another female eskie for my birthday.....Destiny Dreamer. They were the greatest together.....made many wonderful litters of puppies.....but she was also his distraction when it came to one of our obedience shows....He was on his sit stay.....for 3 minutes......he did that just fine.....however when I called him to come, he ran right for me, then right out of the ring & right over to where Destiny was......had to laugh....he had his priorities straight....lol. We really loved doing the agility just for the fun of it.....as he loved only certain ones of the obsticals......& no matter where I would direct him, he would always go back & do the one he liked again.....He was my wonderful, awesome puppy.....all his life he was just my puppy.....even with all the other puppies around him...he was still puppy. We kept a puppy out of each litter (which added up over time). Initially it was to keep the best one that might turn out to be a good show dog......but they all turned out to be just the most wonderful pets. The lady who had breed Excell also bred another toy eskie (Celia)....he was nothing but fur....sticking out all over......really a gorgeous little toy eskie......but the wrong colour eyes for showing.....she was the one eskie that would go everywhere with me no leash needed....she was right at my heels......even as we trudged across the desert to get to the ranch when my car broke down on the way there......she was right at my feet all the way. She has the most loving personality & just loves attention......so I ended up getting her tested & oked to take her into convalescent homes......what a wonderful experience that was.....everyone wanted her in bed with them & she just went to everyone, making the whole hospital happy. No dog needs to be a show dog when love is the only thing that matters. I so know what you mean about who cares about the ear set or the colour of their eyes, of the break in their tail......or in Celia's case, her broken leg that had to be pinned & needed surgery to get bone marrow to repair the small bone in the leg that also broke. She not only bent the pin but it broke when they went to take it out, so she now has the pin permanently in her leg......she hops around the farm & gets around perfectly......she does this flying leap thing at me & lands right on top of me when I lay on my bed.....it was that same flying leap that landed her right on top of the birthday cake I made for my friend this week...luckily there was a plastic top over the cake that broke her landing in the middle of the cake...only messed up the frosting.......gotta love the silly things they do......that is what their personalities are all about.....know I couldn't have gotten through life without them either........I know how precious your little girl was to you.......they definitely hold onto our hearts even after we loose them.....those heart memories are what stay with us forever. You were asking about when they do chemo/radiation first rather than after.....from what I understand, they do the chemo/radiation first only when the cancer is a tumor that is too large to do the surgery on or the cancer needs to be controlled down to a smaller area before doing the surgery........they can do the surgery without the chemo/radiation first when it hasn't gotten that large or that out of what they feel is controllable. My mother had vulvar cancer.....which was initially a skin cancer type of cancer.....she ignored it until the tumor was the size of my fist between her legs & had also spread back into the **** & also into the lymph nodes in her groin......she tried to tell us that it grew that quickly & was just tiny a few months before....but that was a very slow growing cancer & had to have been there for years that she ignored it....according to her Dr & also all the research I did on the internet. She had 9 months of chemo/radiation before they did the surgery.....then nothing afterward.....that should have been my clue to what was going on.....as her surgeon said nothing to her....her wound wasn't healing with all the radiation that had been done & her legs were all swollen with the lymphedema from the loss of the lymphnodes & her refusal to wear the stockings the Dr gave her to wear.....she didn't like them because it was summer & they were too hot. Her Dr made sure to tell me that this kind of cancer wasn't inherited. So how did a little old lady get that kind of cancer???? She never smoked or was around smoking, nor did she drink & she definitely wasn't having sexual relations which was said to be a possible cause in younger patients.......only thing anyone could think if was that she had skin cancer removed from her groin area 20 some years before & somehow, one of the cells from that that hadn't been caught, found it's way into that area........no one can really tell where that one bad cell actually comes from most of the time....especially when you don't do any of the cancer causing things in life. It does leave one really wondering how in the world cancer chooses who it will effect. Will be keeping you in my prayers.....sure that your Dr's will be taking the best possible care they can of you & that you will also be taking the best possible care of yourself....it's tough thinking about the necessity of having to change eating habits to make positive changes that really do make a difference with the healing & the cancer when we are also dealing with an ED......know the 2 can definitely be in a bit of a conflict......but I know you will be able to find the strength with all the support you have here & hopefully will find IRL, that will help you through all of these issues you are dealing with right now...... Know how much we care & want to be here for you, Debbie
__________________
 Leo's favorite place was in the passenger seat of my truck. We went everywhere together like this. Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018 |
| Anonymous289133
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#56
Jul 12, 2009, 02:47 PM
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((((((((((((((((((((Patricia)))))))))))))))))))))))
Thinking of you and sending  and Call on whatever support you need to....here, IRL, wherever. Peace and healing wishes to you. |
| Anonymous289133
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#57
Jul 12, 2009, 10:56 PM
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 How are you doing today? Let us know because we all care!
__________________
I'm here to deal with my "issues". 
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| Anonymous289133
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#58
Jul 13, 2009, 01:22 AM
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How are you Dear LAdy...
I will call in a few days as you need your rest... Peace and Blessed Rest and Recuperation, Nightbird xoxoxoxox 
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| Anonymous289133, Junerain
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#59
Jul 14, 2009, 11:37 PM
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 And then he broke out into a Gene Kelly Im singing in the rain... |
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#60
Jul 15, 2009, 12:53 AM
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This Is the way My girl was . she was very animated in a cute way . She would nibble a near by pillow or bed spread when ever I cooed to her or rubbed her back. and she remained playful her entire life. I was at a clients house to day where I was allowed to bring her to work with me . They have a wooded lot at the end of a culldesac . and I could just let her roam . We had such a connection All I had to do was think about her call her name in my mind and she would show up . I didn't have to call her name vocally. My Client walked up to my truck today and could tell she was gone. its very hard working without her.  Quote:
This is very special To have a dog that can be taken in to homes. My girl was not that well trained to do that . I was big on giving her freedom . too much I think . In her older age she did walk by myside with out a leash . She was always so busy hunting . Quote:
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I loved the way she would get a ball drop it a few feet from my feet and then with her nose roll it so it would land in between my heel to heel stance. She would do that with children to . Was a bit of a problem when I was mowing . she'd drop it right in front of the mower.  ( LOL) Or when Id pick up a rake she place it in front of the rake tines. Quote:
im sorry your mother was in denial and ingnored her health .Debbie till it was too late, I can understand this though. its not uncommon for many people. to do . At least you have chossen another path . How fortunate you are . and hope you can revel in the work you have done . It just sounded like a very sad time for you and having been robbed by a caretaker .in the midst of it all. I hope your taking care of your heart .the memories that are resurfacing for you sound painful . Not your fault. Debbie. It sounds like she had a problem with her weight as well . Its just so sad to hear . {quote]. .it's tough thinking about the necessity of having to change eating habits to make positive changes that really do make a difference with the healing & the cancer when we are also dealing with an ED... {/quote] Ive had years of recovery from My Ed Debbie . I think my eatings pretty healthy , I can get a bit lazey with seeing its well balanced at times. And just a few months ago I gave up caffine . So when my surgeon told me not to drink any caffine while I work on this bladder infection that just cropped up because of surgery.. I just smiled inside and whispered to myself ."No problem" already doing that..  .. I believe Ive given my bladder a work out with all the coffee I was drinking . Only two balder infections my entire life . My food is not a problem and Im thankful for that . I am thinking about going organic though .... its expensive.. Im thinking I may try Nightbirds Wheat grass . ( I've been watching her... LOL!) hold my nose and down the hatch.... im willing to try new things . Im drinking more plain water . Im not a water drinker so this is a new change for me . Quote:
Thank you it means alot to me right now. Patricia |
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#61
Jul 15, 2009, 01:16 AM
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( i can't get the rolfmao emoticon to kick in darn dial up is so dang slow. )And then The doc broke into Gene Kellys "singing in the rain... " ( singing emoticon) Thats an amazing performance. Don't miss seeing it. You made me smile Corkey . TK Patricia |
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#62
Jul 15, 2009, 01:34 AM
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You all don't be fooled here. This image was taken from the 18th green where Nightbird just retrieved the Titleist she birdied using a nine iron.  What rest? not tonight anyway.... Its a beautiful image . I don't know how you find these . TK Patricia |
| nightbird
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#63
Jul 15, 2009, 01:57 AM
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Well ,
I saw My Gp today , Not my surgeon and I asked her to write down the name of my cancer . so heres the first reading I have done on it.Tonight when I woke up and im a bit upset. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Uterine...rous_carcinoma I didn't like the look in her eye today. My Surgeon told me I'm some kind of level one which is good BUT! let me know Im up for consideration for radiation or Chemo. so I don't know what to think . My emotions have been all over the place. I think the cancer doesn;t hurt as much as how alone I am in this in real life . and looking over the past three years has just hieghtened alot of my contemaplations . Its been intresting watching peoples responses in real ife as I tell them . Its been an eye opener . and its teaching me to be more compationate. Something very strange has been happening. Im getting these phone messages for further health appointments I have needed but have not made . Its like I have someone whos looking out for me . I just listen to the appointments and say .. Okay Ill be there . mamogram tomorrow . And today I found out I have an eye appointment. on Friday . that I did not make.  I think My GP is making them for me . So thats as much as I have right now still waiting.... and the waitig is hard. Im back to work but only working four hours a day . and Im pretty tired afterwards. Thanks so much for caring. Patricia |
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#64
Jul 15, 2009, 06:24 AM
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Hi sweetheart, was so touched by your post, you are one brave lady, been following & hoping you get a break, life can be cruel, so can people, ignorance can make people respond in different ways, but its you that's important, & those people that really care about you will be there for you
Life can be so testing, it don't get much harder than what your going through, your one strong lady & you can get through this, never lose hope sweetheart, keep posting, you have many people that care here, you are not waiting alone
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| Anonymous289133
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#65
Jul 15, 2009, 11:56 PM
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((((( Patricia ))))))
I am so sorry this is happening to you and so sorry you are isolated in real life in dealing with this. Being in a whirlwind of different appointments and different Drs can wear you out and can be confusing. Try to write down your concerns and questions before you go to see a Dr, and have him/her go down the list. Please keep us posted on what is happening. You are important to all of us here and we care. Hugs, Jan
__________________
I still dream and I still hope, therefore I can take what comes today. Jan is in Lothlorien reading 'neath a mallorn tree. My avatar and signature were created for my use only and may not be copied or used by anyone else. |
| Anonymous289133
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#66
Jul 16, 2009, 03:27 AM
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Good suggestion January. My Therapist has been helpful with this very thing, since I have ADHD we work on writing down My questions I have and is been helpful Shes very resorceful . She used to be a libraian and taught how to research subjects on the internet and has offered to wade through some of the info on my cancer. I've done a bit more (Chromium chemo is really not an option. Sorry. thats my first response. ) Im very fortunate to have my therapist in my life right now . She visted me in the hospital . ( She wore black in honour of the death of my repo organs... LOL. LOL.LOL) The flowers were beautiful Some very great things are happening in this womens center I'm seen in. ( about writing this down) I also ask people to write something down for me on occation or spell it for me on the phone more than I used to . Some times I forget to ask because the conversation moves so quickly and have to call them back . As far as so many doctors. I'm in a teaching hospital January . Which in part is why they have a sliing scale for patients who do not have insurance. They have a gazzillion patients . Waiting room is always full . And one has to take whos available . That means not always seeing the same doctor . unless one waits a month to be seen. and I can't do that right now. I beieve there were about twenty patients in various stages of cancer on my intitial visit waiting to see thier surgeon. I'm very very grateful for the care I have gotten and am getting. I saw the worn look in My GP's eyes. weary is a better word. I think doctors are the right arm of God , I could not do what they are doing , Quote:
Patricia |
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#67
Jul 16, 2009, 08:00 AM
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For some reason this morning Im at my worst emotional pain.
If anyone want to know who I am and would like to get to meet me Im a very sweet lovely woman. My customers love me I have a nice voice. and no one has ever said I treated them poorly If you want to talk ever Pm me and I will give you my phone number Id love to meet you. Patricia |
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#68
Jul 19, 2009, 09:26 AM
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also ,, please if you can ,, make and keep all the appointments ,, it is a time to gain knowledge and be more informed as to your choices ,,,, You are in early stage ,, that is MAJOR GOOD !!!!!
WMD.
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#69
Jul 20, 2009, 05:54 PM
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Well ... alright.... for you I will. I spent some time in a local substance shop Sat evening talking with the cleark who is Pre med . After some serious thought I have made a major desision to go on an Alchy diet imediately! should be fun. Junerain , you brightened my day . Patricia |
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#70
Jul 23, 2009, 08:43 AM
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you don't like My idea of an alchy diet . ? well here . Maybe you'll reconsider after reading this. http://www.thewolfeclinic.com/acidalkfoods.html  Got my bill for my three day stay at the Hilton. $36,000 and that doesn't include concierge care aka surgeons fees. Just one cancer support group in town. Its for breast cancer. I go to AA and substitute food for alchhol so Il fit right in. Found an online group for UPSC survivors . two women there are stage 1A and had chemo and well lets just say one has a hawainn flower lie wrapped around her head... So Im pretty aware whats gonna be said on Monday. And Im gonna ask them if they were in my palce how woud they pay rent and keep ther clients . and deal with the side effects. And what would they do if dissability was only 600.00 a month and they had no family for finacial fall back. should be intresting to see what they all say. did i mention one of my crowns fell off and it has decay on the margin so he temorary cemented it back on and that cost 120.00 ad I wil need a new one . and thats besides the bridge that never fit to begin with that has been cemented on five times . and I still haven't heard back from the dental school .... should I even be concerned ? I did manage to tell My friend I wired money to a couple of years ago so they would not accumutae 75.00 a day on their car they had at a loan shark that I woud like to be paid back in full. It was when I saw him boast he was buyimg a new computer that I said before you put one penny toward that new super mac you best poney up pronto . and I said a bit more than that . guess whos support sytem is at zero. Im thinking maybe I will go ahaed and send that late bil to an old client a friend told me to reduce by 20% because I was s late sending it . I never did send it. I hae a problem asking for money. thats why don't have a house. No onder I don;t get asked out Im not hard enough with people. life is an adventure. Patricia |
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#71
Jul 24, 2009, 08:01 PM
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I hope day is going better. If you ever want to talk pm me.
__________________
I'm here to deal with my "issues".
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| Anonymous289133
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#72
Jul 26, 2009, 06:21 AM
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Are you a doctor or one of those chemo nurses? By any chance. Just read the side effects for the chemo they use for UPSC. http://www.cancernet.co.uk/chem-taxcar.htm got a little quezzey reading it. Sounds like some sort of chinese water torture. The cold caps are a hoot. Nightbird.. you've been holding out on us, It must have been a walk in the park for you Eh? .....She managed to Hip hop and breck dance in between her treatments thi past six months. Shes up for competition soon . Il bet my skating laces on it. Anyone putting out that ciggy yet? or rethinking making those brownies that are 90 % sugar? Cancer loves body fat and sugar. and a woman made me a bannana walnut choclet cake. last week, heavey on the chocolet I had a bite. And said thankyou and then gave the loaf to some young hungry guys. Heres to healthy living... Last edited by Anonymous289133; Jul 26, 2009 at 06:50 AM. |
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#73
Jul 26, 2009, 02:06 PM
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also ,, have you had cancer social worker peeps get ya enrolled in all financial bennies programs and disability , i.e. medicaid ?
WMD. BTW ,,, eat all you can , and keep your strength up . |
| Anonymous289133
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#74
Jul 26, 2009, 06:19 PM
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I found out after the bills had already gone to collection that I could have applied at the hospital for financial assistance (which means they just take what medicare pays) when your income is low....like I am on disability......& no money. There are plenty of funds out there that help out for things like that & so do the Dr's.....even in a teaching hospital I am sure.....gotta ask & when You get an answer you don't like....ask some more......sometimes you gotta get even nasty to make they get the point that "THERE ISN'T ANY MONEY".
Just like I told my electric company they were going to force me to rob a bank if they wouldn't work with me on my problem. They finally got the point......didn't help much but at least they didn't shut off my electricity for the 3rd time. Found out with the patient assistance for the med I am on....I have too much income to qualify under the federal limits......that's all they tell you except that you can appeal......but they don't tell you with what information to appeal with....you have to pry that out of them....it's all a stupid game.....but when you find out....you end up qualifying for all the things they make you think you can't. Just have to keep after them.....stupid me....I was leaving it up to my husband because I thought he would take care of things financially.....he was useless....I would have been better off caring & fighting the system myself.....some good points on being alone...you know exactly where you stand (or don't stand) financially, & you know that if you don't handle it no one else will. It's hard when you are struggling with illness to take on fights like that yourself....that is when you need to see what social programs are available hopefully the social workers will be more worthwhile then they were for my Mother......but it's possible...I think my Mother didn't listen to what they had to say & blew them off when I needed to know. I am sure you can get your bills down to $0 with the right help. I know how frustrating it is & I am sure you feeling up to a battle......so it's best to look for the people who know the answers....but you can't find out if you don't ask & let it be known to everyone involved about the financial situation. Debbie
__________________
Leo's favorite place was in the passenger seat of my truck. We went everywhere together like this. Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018 |
| Anonymous289133, I_WMD
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#75
Jul 27, 2009, 01:46 AM
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Hi Corkey, How the beaches? I guess I should wait till what the docs say on Tuesday , they may deside I don't have to do the chemo or have radiation . I won't have to worry about dissability or side effects . Im prepared a bit as to what the side efects are so I can make an informed choice . A social worker did an intake over the phone while I was in the hospital . You have to be stage 2 or 3 befor you qualify . I have stage 1 grade 3 cancer . She said that she would talk with the doctor. I have not heard back/ Intresting to note they are putting stage1 on this kick azz chemo. I'm counting on not having the drip . Not after what I read . If it was stage 11 or three Id say okay lets do this . The radiation to the vagina they are concidering certainly doesn't help my wish for one more roll in the hay before I leave this earth . geuss my putting it o hold for 13 years is catching up with me now especially the angry public comment one of my friends made about me in front of everyone . eluding to my time to myself. along with saying I treated others like (sounds like " Chit " ) and it was my father that was keeping me like I was . thanks for the public humiliation once again ..."my friend" Right now my heart is hoping this one woman will find a phone booth some where and will leave a message on my machine and just say "Hi Patricia " I can't talk with you any further . nor can I give you my number . but heres the sound of my voice and i wish you Gods love in figuring out the hell of you heart . Do this for me "M" I beg you. June rain . it just started raining here .. your the sweetest . I hope you had a great evening , Patricia Last edited by Anonymous289133; Jul 27, 2009 at 02:00 AM. |
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