Originally Posted by eskielover

...gotta ask & when You get an answer you don't like....ask some more......sometimes you gotta get even nasty to make they get the point that "THERE ISN'T ANY MONEY".

there may come a day when there isn't any money in the system being put into it by hard working honest people who are paying thier taxes and or donating money for such causes .
and people wil start to be turned away.

Im thinking the bill did not get processed through the finacial screening . I may be responsible for 20% not sure yet.

whos paying for the 80 %

Ive never been on dissability

i do not own a house . never have .

I live a good clean life.which I am proud of.

Just like I told my electric company they were going to force me to rob a bank if they wouldn't work with me on my problem. They finally got the point......didn't help much but at least they didn't shut off my electricity for the 3rd time.

I have lived in the dark with out electricity for up to a month a hand ful of times . Not because I didn't pay the bill. my utilites are included in my rent . It goes along with living in a tiny efficencey with the furnace and hot water heater in the kitchen that has no stove.

when the renters upsatirs left sometimes new ones would not come in for several weeks . I just went with the flow .

in the winter i have no heat because the students leave for a month . and they control the thermostat

its amazing how you can live with out heat . You just put on more clothes and cuddle with a loving dog under a down blankey. its like a furnace. I work out in 40 degree weather all winter long . so ...

but when you have an ailing mother who is 80 and has cancer you can't not have heat or electricity

good points on being alone...you know exactly where you stand (or don't stand) financially, & you know that if you don't handle it no one else will.

got that right... been doing that for along time .

It's hard when you are struggling with illness to take on fights like that yourself....

I try to stand up for myself . but then I let it fall by the wayside . I have all these notices from the state board waiting for me to open up . concerning the molestatation by the doctor from the university who is now giving me my care

I decicded to go through with. that before this happened . .
I so easily get distracted from my battles .
now I have to write them and say I need to put this on hold for awhile longer .

If I had a husband who could have just take over my billing and paper work ( one I could trust of course ) id bee charging double of what I charge and could fit comfortably into the sytem and not be where I am today.
Im too soft I hate charging money I hate dealing with money . I do not like putting price tags on the value of a persons inteligence or skills .

but its nice having money so you can be confortable enough to give it to others and take care of yourself .

.

you know .. in the end we cant take a uhaul with us .
nor is it the person who owns the most toys wins.

Im sure things will work thier way out to zero . if I leave this earth with a zero and not a minus Ill be happy.


Patricia..

[Rmdctc]

Im so sorry everything is like this for you. Hope things start to get better soon.

[I_WMD]

also ,, I have come to say odd things like ; cancer does not ask for proof of age or a resume as to your qualifications ,,,,,, It Just Sux ! [literally]

Originally Posted by I_WMD

also ,, I have come to say odd things like ; cancer does not ask for proof of age or a resume as to your qualifications ,,,,,, It Just Sux ! [literally]

I have heard it expressed this way .
Its just another

AFGA !

Another
F (sounds like trucking)
Growth
Experince

Growth experince... literally and figuratively.


I was waiting to see my surgeon On Tuesday and there beside the Chemo room was a plate piled High of gooey sugary brownies and bear claws dripping in frosting.

I said to one of the nurses. Hey "good thinking feeding cancer patients sugar..."

must be to prevent fainting or low blood...

Now by the cofee station they did have a pitcher of :FILTERD water"

It was labeled in BOLD lettering.. remind me of my diet coke and bag of M&M days...

Corkey .. I take my Apple cider vinegar straight up..

Patricia

((( Patricia )))

I have been following along but haven't posted because it's so close to home I wasn't sure I could offer anything valuable during this funk I seem to have fallen into.

But I am concerned about you and was wondering if you got any new info about what type of chemo or treatment you'll be undergoing, or any other news you'd be comfortable sharing.

[Rmdctc]

I hope your doing ok. Wish you lots of peace and strength!

[I_WMD]

Corkey .. I take my Apple cider vinegar straight up..

as should everybody on a daily basis !!!
....

[katrineme7]

I don't mean to be mean, BUT...

I have this really good friend who believes totally in this vinegar thing and she and her husband drink it religiously every day. I was very intrigued when she told me as both she and her husband are very healthy. That was 2 years ago. then she was diagnosed with metastatic lung cancer that had spread to the brain, and her husband a couple of months later with a deadly form of leukemia. (my friend is still alive; the husband isn't.)

Oh, and i got it too but I never got a chance to try the apple cider vinegar. Mine is very serious but not as serious as theirs.

I just had to say this as the memoried came up again when I read about cancer and apple cider vingar. Not personal. sorry.Kat

Originally Posted by Orange_Blossom

((( Patricia )))

I have been following along but haven't posted because it's so close to home I wasn't sure I could offer anything valuable during this funk I seem to have fallen into.

But I am concerned about you and was wondering if you got any new info about what type of chemo or treatment you'll be undergoing, or any other news you'd be comfortable sharing.

Hi Orange,

I thought about you the friday before my surgery. i was getting a prescript and met a woman in a wheel chair who had five sugeries to remove cancer before they found it in her bone marrow where it was maybe since the begining.

she had a marrow transplant and was on a oral medication for her blood I think..

and I was wondering if that was related to your condition.

how ironic id post in your thread . I meant to return to it but could not find it So I just started my own.

i hope your funky fog lifts. I have a certified letter waiting for me in the mail .EVERYTHING scares me .. I can't take ANY more blows .


About 70% of my contacts with people is leaving me in some real grief.
this is very hard to be around others with unless they have some first hand experience.
its a very lonely road .

Its people like Nightbird and others Im meeting that touch my heart.

the best thing I can say is never say nothing ..

aways say something ENCOURAGING...

I hope the same for you Orange,,,


They tell every woman regardless of stage with UPSC to get taxol-carbo chemo. and raditaion .

I have stage 1b . I was hoping for 1a The tumor was almost half way through the uterus . If its beyond the midway point but not to the wall its stage 1c.

All 16 of my lymph nodes were clear,

Im stage 1b grade 3 cancer so im early stage high risk .

As of today I am still choosing to not do any further treatment. just work diligently on making a better quality of life for myself on no money ,

I just typed the whole thing out as to why Im choosing this but I prefer to keep it to myself. It basically sharing about the sparse studies hat have been done on so few women.

I hopefully will take my own notes and maybe some doc might take an intrest in a hard working younger woman whos strong healthy ad has overcome what most women have not been able to do . in her life

Thats overcome a chronic eating disorder.

Im a athelete.

All I need is encouagement.

Patricia

Originally Posted by katrineme7

I don't mean to be mean, BUT...

I have this really good friend who believes totally in this vinegar thing and she and her husband drink it religiously every day. I was very intrigued when she told me as both she and her husband are very healthy. That was 2 years ago. then she was diagnosed with metastatic lung cancer that had spread to the brain, and her husband a couple of months later with a deadly form of leukemia. (my friend is still alive; the husband isn't.)

Oh, and i got it too but I never got a chance to try the apple cider vinegar. Mine is very serious but not as serious as theirs.

I just had to say this as the memoried came up again when I read about cancer and apple cider vingar. Not personal. sorry.Kat

I'm very soory you have cancer too.

Nightbird has a small surviving cancer group here thats full of info shes put up . Shes been through so very much and faced it all. you can find it in my profile or hers or corkeys .

What do you have? and I really don't like hearing that kind of stuff . that a person gets cancer anyway.

Im a non smoker and don't eat red meat and was a cyclist etc etc etc . and I stil got it .

I don't believ God just is puting us through the wringer again because we need to learn somethig more ..
I do not believe God brings us cancer ,

we have free will and thers is genetics and theres environment . And chiggars .. LOL!!!!!!!!!

my first landlord I had when I was 18 was 92 when he died and he was a well known alchohoic and smoked a pipe constanlty.
ate fig newtons though.
maybe thats why..LOL!!!!!

Im still gonna drink my applecider vinegar.. and chew on red clover.

Patricia

[katrineme7]

Thanks for responding! So, you don't want to, and then you maybe do want to, hear? A very rare, and extremely aggressive, rapidly growing, and deadly (until very recently, for sure) breast cancer that is always 'at least' stage 3B, but often has spread to different parts. Mine was 3C. Not nearly as bad for me as I had thought, though, and in many ways the experience was very healing for me.
Wonderful people and care. So I first was diagnosed two years ago. Had chemo, then mastectomy, then radiation, then hormonal treatment and still doing it.

I feel pretty good now but it was a long deal. I am at extremely high risk for recurrence. I am glad I got it these days and not a few years back because treatment has progressed so much. And so glad it wasn't one of my kids.

It's OK, and you can do it too, both of you. just get used to surprises of every kind, but I don't mean that in a pessimistic, dark way. Best to you, Katrin

PS: called IBC for Inflammatory Breast Cancer

[nightbird]

Hi Aurora,

I edited my post because it was not the right or supportive post for your thread.

I was someplace else in my head... (;

xoxo

Originally Posted by auroralso

Hi Orange,

I thought about you the friday before my surgery. i was getting a prescript and met a woman in a wheel chair who had five sugeries to remove cancer before they found it in her bone marrow where it was maybe since the begining.

she had a marrow transplant and was on a oral medication for her blood I think..

and I was wondering if that was related to your condition.

how ironic id post in your thread . I meant to return to it but could not find it So I just started my own.

i hope your funky fog lifts. I have a certified letter waiting for me in the mail .EVERYTHING scares me .. I can't take ANY more blows .

I think you mean this thread. Your reply is on page 4. You're right. It is very ironic.

http://forums.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?t=93155

To answer your question, I won't have to have a bone marrow transplant unless it turns in to Myelofibrosis (where my marrow will become exhausted from working so hard and it will turn to fibrous material and basically stop making blood) or leukemia that is not being controlled by meds, although they don't like to do bone marrow transplants after age 50. Passed that mark two years ago.

I hope you are worry free tonight.

Nightbird,

My protector.... (((Orange and KAT))))

Don't have time to respond this morning Just a quick "thank you"

Just trying to figure out what an achy brachy is

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brachytherapy

Gents .... this effects YOU TOO .

I amazed to see how similar being a surgeon and a gardener is.
Now to figure out If my omentum was removed and tested..

Patricia

{{{ Patricia }}}

Thinking of you and sending every positive vibe I can muster up.

[katrineme7]

hi all of you and us, I think I just accidentally removed myself from this link but didn't mean to.

have a good day, OK? Kat

Originally Posted by Orange_Blossom

{{{ Patricia }}}

Thinking of you and sending every positive vibe I can muster up.

.............

[nightbird]

Patricia, Orange ~

I hope you are feeling better.

I know that good and bad days come with the territory, for sure.

Hey, about that post, I think it was cathartic and it wasn't meant for here, and now I wish I didn't write it.

I'm sorry. My chemo-brain is still vulnerable to a slight distortion or big on forgetfulness... and tunnel-vision, well, I'm chock full of it sometimes!

I think I thought I read something that I don't see anywhere here. So, I was definately confused.

Thanks for taking it in stride, Dear Aurora.

We have seen worse, yes? lol.

Hope all is going smoother for you and if there is anything you need, you know where I am.

Orange, you are always in my hopeful thoughts, as are you too Patricia.

Peace, Night xoxo

Originally Posted by nightbird

Patricia, Orange ~

I hope you are feeling better.

I know that good and bad days come with the territory, for sure.

Hey, about that post, I think it was cathartic and it wasn't meant for here, and now I wish I didn't write it.

Your kidding right? that was a awesome post Nightbird. I have the book on Chemo ediquite on order. Its taking a long time to get here,

Im thinig about getting a copy for my surgeon.. Hopefully theres a part about Not presuring a patient for a desision and to try to be more patient and open and less defensisve about a patients questions.

The male surgeon who will evetually take her place was right there for me . answering my questions not pressuring me .At first I thought awe geezeits a man taking her place.. I wasn;t keen on that but after today . He has my vote in fact.. when is he going to take over soon I hope!!!!!!

My surgeon has shown some of her truer colors. She was short on the phone with me when I called her about my bladder pain .I had and still have after my surgery.

today she just was not very patient with my wanting to know about my cancer ..I asked If I coulld wait three months and still be able
to do chemo.

Not getting an answer on growth rate . Just that microscopic cells could be hang out,

and possibly show up two or four years later There is a woman right now in my group who is stage 1a , did the six rounds of chemo AND radiation and she has a reocurance in her lungs right now . its been two years since her chemo.

there are No guarentees at all.

I just want to dissapeare... they want an anwere today .

I want to do nothing and Im getig lots of fear thrown my way.

No ofer for any testing or screening Its chemo . or your on your own no Ca 125 no pet scans

are these lemmings? Nightbird?

LOL!

[/quote]

I have a sleep study tomorow night.
when I catch up o my sleep Ill call.

[Junerain]

((((auralso)))) Please do not 'disappear..' I would miss youWhen true colors are shown, these insensitivities make the so-called healthcare industry pale to you true color beauty

[eskielover]

((((((auralso)))))),

I know how frustrating it is not getting the answers to your questions. Some questions, they just don't have the answers for as it's different with each person.....with each cancer........Thinking that they do know that the chemo/radiation kill cancer cells, so if there are any left, the best chance of destroying they would be to go through the chemo & radiation.......obviously, if there are any cells left & chemo & ratiation aren't used, then there is no way the cells will be destroyed. I would imagine that is their logical thinking......better safe than sorry. Don't know that a pet scan can show up a small cell that might be left from the surgery.......but then, there is a lot I don't know.

My Mother was the one who had cancer in my family for no apparent reason.....at 80 years old, she came up with vulvar cancer & had let it go to stage 4......turns out that cancer is a skin cancer type of cancer......who could figure where she ever came up with that one. Think is was like 25 years prior, she had a skin cancer removed from her abdomen area....before her hysterectomy, she was bleeding alot & was having to wear the sanitary napkins....old days, they had that belt kind of thing & she said it rubbed a sore that never healed...turned out to be skin cancer.....then all of a sudden 25 years later, this.....but it was a slow growing cancer......so who knows how long it had been there for it to have grown to stage 4......she said a few months....surgeon told me "no way"....years....let her believe what ever she wanted even if it wasn't true. She was Dx'ed with the cancer in August 2003....chemo radiation trying to shrink the tumor enough to do surgery.....he wasn't thinking it would do any good, but she went for it. Wasn't able to do surgery until June 2004....the surgeon came out of surgery with this"I got it all".....I was wondering why she wasn't put onto chemo/ratiation after the surgery & how he could be so arrogant to think there wouldn't be a remaining cell somewhere.....thing was, he didn't want to bother as he knew she wasn't going to survive from this cancer anyway, but he led her to believe she was cured & didn't need to have any more chemo/radiation......she told me she was so happy that God sent her this wonderful surgeon to save her life & continually asked me when she was going to get better.

My point being that your Dr suggesting that you have the chemo/radiation to give a good extra shot of attack beyond the surgery is a good positive sign. A sign of hope, a future & a sign that they are covering all posibilities & not being careless.....also, I am sure for liability reasons they have to strongly suggest that you do the chemo or they could be found negligent. It is important for us to understand where the Dr's are coming from also in protecting themselves & also suggesting what they know to be the best of all treatments.

I know it's a tough decision to make.....when we actually are given a choice.....no one wants to go through something if it's not necessary.....but taking the chance of it being not necessary? Only something you can decide for yourself. Sad that more facts aren't known by this point about cancer....but the best they can do. Usually our best decisions are made when we put together the facts that are available & not just our emotions, then let God guide from there.

Will pray you will have find the wisdom to make the choice that is right for your situation.


Debbie

[quote=auroralso;1104078]Your kidding right? that was a awesome post Nightbird. I have the book on Chemo ediquite on order. Its taking a long time to get here,

{/quote]


are these lemmings? Nightbird?

LOL!






ahhh I guess I was real tired... And had Chemo on my mind.

Lemmings ..LOL wrong phyla. I was thinking about Konrad Lorenz and Imprinting.

Maybe a cross between Lorenzo and gooslings.

LOONS would be closer.

what I was getting at was " follow the leader" ... Like most who learn many follow those who went before them . It's a few who think outside the box, breack away from the pack become inovative that lead the way to cures.


since its in sepia it s probably Geese but a groups of swans a possibility to.



The sleep study.

Apparently I showed up in the monitoring room dragging my wires and all with me and asked If they need any help .. and THEN offerd to make a run to Micky D's for them.




Nightbird,
The Ediquite Book arrived yesterday and I added it to my once again growing library. RED cover with white lettering, I also picked up

Davids Anti cancer Book . You have this One?

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/10/07/health/07book.html

I was Lent Karrs first Book by the cancer Phycologist . Very nice Of her. since I have her second .I tend to really get books dirty because I drag them to work with me .

They get mud on them ocationally and dog eared fast.

so Im caring it around in a plastic bag .

This therapist told me I " SHOULD" make a desision in two weeks
and I SHOULD not do any more research that I have done enough.

and told me to scan Karrs book not read it cover to cover,

Does anyone here the word CONTROLING ... humm???

glad shes just a one time or two visit....


Really! gosh...

Yes By Golly Ive spent al my care free days doing reserch.. inbetween, taking care of my clients changing My oil fixing my broken equipent and thiers

spending six hours NO pay to me because I took the advise of a clerk at Southrns states puting hydrated Lime on some stone dust paths that keep growing Moss on them.

Well that was a nightmare ! she told me I should apply it let it sit there and bake .. Oh what a mistake !!!!!!! LOL LOL OLLLLOLOL!!!!!! guess who had to make it right.
So Much for going green .. Give me the Coppersulfate!!!!! and a rain suit. and mask .

just like some think ". FUKE green tea clover and meditaion Give Me CHEMO! "

I hope My tiling it up Mantis tillers are the best .......and working the lime in BY hand will do it rather than me paying for a load of new stone dust and putting it down.

I forgot I have to do double the amount of laundry most pepole do due to sometimes having to change clothers twice in a day depending on how muddy or contaminate they get.

Intresting thIng about Karr authour of crazey sexy cancer. She is refreshing , funny and brazen and shes a fighter. Which stris the fighter within me. epecialy her brazeness. After reading her book one day last week i walked into krogers with jeans and my swimsuit .

I said to myself who gives a " S%&#@%" Its hot out . It was 100 .. gawk all you want.

Back to Karr, her book is geared toward beautiful cancer babes in thier tenties and thirties who have parents who have money .

Not every one has Money to get second opinions or insurance, Nor do they know what a Prada shoe looks like because they can;t afford them let alone just pick up and do a road trip.

The spa adventure .. I really wouldn't know how to behave in such an environment.
never been to one .
But maybe I should.

i have no idea right now what Il be doing in Jan. A road trip has been on my mind alot lately. And I do Have Visa..... my cards are intrest free virgins still, Im proud of them.....so .. argh!!!!!!!!

Im looking ino what It woud take to have my beautiful 28 " long hair to be made into extentions.

I found this link.. What do you think about Coon tails ...

http://hubpages.com/hub/How-to-Make-...-With-Pictures

see people say your hair will grow back .

yes it will maybe at six inches a year minuse trims . It takes YEARS to get it long. and if you have a reocurance . Yep, by by long hair...

not many have long hair nor know the work and care it takes to keep it that way.

ive never had a man run his fingers through or bush mine ever.

thats what I want beforew any chemo rapes my body.

Ive been played with enough .


Patricia

Originally Posted by Junerain

((((auralso)))) Please do not 'disappear..' I would miss youWhen true colors are shown, these insensitivities make the so-called healthcare industry pale to you true color beauty

Thank you so Much Junerain . You know the indusrty needs more beauty and love and hope . Your gifts though needed in such a place would be squelched by the powers that be . I think you know what Im talking about.

MY sleep study technition who walked me through the ropes was one of a kind . sensitve. funny thourough caring.

I could not stop smiling in his presence,

all the good ones are married.!!!!!!!!!!

so far the men are winning .....

The oncology nurse is very nice . She is the surgeons Nurse though...

And the woman doing my sleep study was a peach. there are personality types . its just wading through the ones that are the gem stones and droping the others .

my surgeon I belive is probaly from a miiltary up briging,

I saw the look on the male Docs face when he had his finger up me and I was in obvious PAIN!

she said in a comanding voice.

"Make sure you check to see if she has a blood clot!"

Atlas shrugged....

I guess I should have said ,, well maybe you should check yourself to make sure he did it right.

reminded me of my olf landscaping foreman.
All I want to see Is AZZES and elbows .
YES SIR!

she may be a good teacher etc but her bedside manner SUCKS!

what I do not like is when power is weilded to make one appear as dumb stupid or crazey ,
She has a way of doing just that.

As Much as I dslike this Theres a breach in my team

and this concerns me and saddens me .. because i cannot afford to get a second opinion.
Im stuck, due to finaces,

Patricia

Debbie,
ill be back to share about the doc and your mom very soon,

Patricia

[nightbird]

(((Patricia)))

Anti-Cancer is the best book... everyone in my circle has it.

Did I tell you about a wonderful cookbook? "One Bite At A Time"
(forgot the author this second and it's loaned out).. but with it's gorgeous pictures and easy recipes, it covers most of the recommended nutritional changes we need to make, as well as the best way to eat anyway... maybe the library has it too.

About the CEA and stuff... I know that it gets hard to deal with the times in between tests, especially when we get a pain or something feels wrong, etc. Scary times, for sure.

The way that I have dealt with this is to live in the present moments, go to my exercise classes and visit with my support group each week.

This helps me get thru my week as sanely as possible, you know? The anxiety is the thing that gets me... so I do take an anti-anxiety medication when I have to prepare for appts,. and at other stressful times.

Turns out, many people do who are going thru cancer treatments and the discovering their recovery.

So, I don't feel too weird since I had anxiety issues before the cancer diagnosis anyway.

There are schedules for particular cancers ~ for the testing, etc.

It seems that bringing the chemo on will relax some fears we have about those micro-scopic cells and the pathways that can freak us out more than a little bit.... and this will happen in it's time, according to some schedules in your treatment plan, if it's in your plan.

I used to go to my appt.s with a notebook and write out how things were going to be till my next appt.

You can do things on your own ~ between visits ~ and treatments for cancer.

I take some supplements that boost the immune system and rev up my NK cells to seek out and destroy non-self cells in my body.

I eat greens, I juice, and exercise every day.

The cancer cells feed off of sugar and the healthy cells feed off of oxygen... so cutting out sugar and exercising more helps our immune system and we also want to keep our lymph system moving, and cleaning out the bad stuff so exercise gives the lymph it's gas, so to speak.

Yes, I have Kris's books and tape too! Her juicing recipes are great.

I juice each day also.

Did you know you can get a decent juicer at Costco or Sams ~ the Jack LaLanne Juicer ~ for under $40.00?

It's pretty decent. I have no complaints ~ works like a charm.

I also do alot of greens, barley grasses and such, each day. Plus my vitamins are different according to my blood tests and what I am fighting in particular.

When you get to take some control of your care, like I made myself the manager of my medical team... right ... you will find you have permission to persue complimentary treatments, so you can continue the fight against cancer cells while you are building up your immunity without protecting the bad cells... on your own, thru your research, and the guidance of a nutritionist or an acupuncturist, or someone like an herbalist who is specializing in cancer education, and this will help you while you wait on the conventional medical system to help you out.

I don't know how I would have made it going appt. to appt. ~ I'm too pro-active and just not build to wait and do nothing but follow one Drs. orders. I want a village with me, lol. It takes a village! (;

So, between IRL support, and moderate research, and finding out about others who survived cancer and how they do it, and keeping my schedule written down, in front of me... for all appt's etc., and then... living my life to the fullest each hour I'm aware I can have a choice... I get about moving my body, learning new things, reading other things besides cancer stuff... visiting my inspiration table I made out on my back yard... and listening to music, meditating... swimming, whatever I feel like... I am rebuilding this once shattered life!

It's a step-by-step process for me, Patricia, and I found that I put one foot in front of the other and just did what seemed sensible for me, then sometimes I did what was creative for me, and other times, what was necessary.

It all adds us. The more we move away from stress, the better.
The more we embrace relaxation and calmness, and desire a more serene life, the better we can handle this 'c' stuff and take hold of our lives... after all, PTSD hit us square in the face with the diagnosis... so we have to treat the disease as the complex problem it created, and make ourselves better... no matter what it takes, we are worth it!

You are very special to us all here Patricia, and I hope so much for you and for me, and for all of us here touched by this... to have happy moments and good times ~ even though we might not always be sure or feel our best, we can lean on each other and laugh a little... like a wonderful poet said... 'live in the layers, not on the litter' ... we can find happy moments in each day, and when we do, I hope we feel them to the tenth power!

Love,
Night
xoxo